Tag Teaming the PUA Summit

April 8, 2004 by  
Filed under Field Report

Okay, I’ve been harping on the Summit alot lately, I know, but it was fun. As things Turn out, both the imcomparable Jlaix and Top Gun Wingman TheOne wrote up Summit Reports that showcase their usual winning personalities.

Jlaix writes:
What an incredible weekend. Coming back to SF and walking the streets this morning, it looks like a fuckin UG pageant here. LA has HB9s EVERYWHERE, they are not special. I’m seriously thinking about moving now.

I drove down to LA on Thursday with Christophe, Wilder and my roommate Brion (roommate fucker). On the way, Christophe and I decided to keep a low profile by assuming fake new handles to disguise our true identities. I would become “BidetMOG” and Christophe would become “Anal Violator”.

This didn’t really work, because when we arrived at the mansion, everybody appeared to know who the fuck we was. We were welcomed to the house by Papa’s “interns”, these two kids that look exactly like miniature versions of Papa. The fuckin Wondertwins… they even have rhyming names. Fuckin weird… the house is literally like Project Mayhem in Fight Club; I walk into Papa’s room one night and he’s sitting on his bed, and off to the side are his clones, typing furiously into a bank of computers and listening to Tyler tapes playing at double speed… hey turn around and simultaneously say, “Cheers!” I wouldn’t be surprised if the next time I visit they have fucking bunk beds set up in the basement for these minions. But I digress. Shortly we roll out to a club called the Highlands with Playboy, TD, Formhandle, TheOne and some assorted random guys.

We get there and the club is closed… however, there is a karaoke thing happening nearby which we check out… I sign up and Playboy attempts to get the KJ chick to move me up in the rotation by telling her, “This guy is the San Francisco Karaoke Champion.” LOL this doesn’t work. While we’re there, some dode asks Christophe, “What’s jlaix gonna do?” and Christophe says, “Weel, first he weel get dronk. Then he weel sing, then he get the gurrelz..” The guy’s jaw drops to the floor like he heard Christophe blaspheme the Virgin Mary and he says, “HE GETS DRUNK?!!!” WTF… we leave that place soon.

We go to another place called World. There are a bunch of ASFers there, including MatrixSex, Rockstarr and our very own Pheromone. I see TD running a set, its going great; he’s doing Tension Test on his target, when all of a sudden she drags him off to the dance floor. I scream, “Guys! Look! Come here! You have to see TD’s dance floor game!!” and drag some guys over to watch TD “dance”. Ever see that Seinfeld where Elaine dances at the party? It was kind of like that. Not that I’m one to talk, I also have negative dance game. Nevertheless, I managed to get a target off the dance floor with the help of Playboy. The target was a giant blonde thing, like 6’5”. I start running my shit, and go to isolate to CUBE her, when Christophe rolls up and says, “Wee arrre leeving…” and I eject.

We end up at the Mel’s Diner on Sunset. This place is THE place to go after the bars close; it was like a fucking Halloween party. Hotties running around in their underwear, fucking ridiculous. And Project Hollywood is literally RIGHT ABOVE MEL’S. Like, a 30 second walk. The logistics are perfect. TheOne opens a seated 3 set and I can tell two of the chicks are not into it. He looks over and says, “What do you think?” I reply, “They look fuckin’ stupid.” Making sure to say it loud enough that they hear. TheOne looks sad that I didn’t say it even louder. We finish our food and leave. End of first night.

Friday, upon arriving at the mansion, I am taken aback for a second as the door is answered by none other than Mystery himself. I’m like, staring at his giant Yao Ming hand with black nails and it takes me a second to recover. LOL. Talking to the guys, I discover that MatrixSex inadvertently took the jlaix Workshop while shopping on Melrose that day, a belligerent AMOG sucker-punched him in the back of the neck. I tell him he owes me a scotch. I also met our resident tabloid reporter Thundercat as well as Herbal, the mini-Mystery clone. Fuck man, all of these guys are getting mini clones of themselves now. Even TD has Coolwater. I need a fucking mini-Jeffy clone, yo! I talk to Mystery about the LED shirt and how it seems to generate violent reactions from AMOGs. He asks me what I’ve been displaying on it. Let’s see… “I lie to girls”, “THE WORLD IS MINE”, etc. He suggests that these invite AMOG crap, and that I should try “kill me”. I decide to try some self-effacing stuff the next time I wear the shirt.

We go to the Saddle Ranch, some total Hollywood bar with a mechanical bull and tons of AMOGs. We specifically go there because TheOne seems to despise AMOGs as much as I do, and we are going to destroy some. We arrive and the AMOG action is intense. I see one ASF guy getting tooled hard by one, so I try to intervene by giving the AMOG a hi-five. The AMOG explains to me that “this guy interrupted me and my girl” or some shit, I’m trying to befriend him and his goon squad, but then the ASF guy makes some crack about the AMOG’s mom, and all hell breaks loose, the guy starts getting very aggressive, and another guy walks by and body checks the ASFer into the wall, hard. “Oh sorry man,” he says, “I’m just going to the bathroom.” I leave and start sarging, winging with TheOne. We run a couple of sets; I later hear that an ASFer said, “OMG, jlaix is sarging an HB! I didn’t know he did that!” WTF… listen dumbasses, just because I fuck the occasional fatty doesn’t mean that’s ALL I fuck! Jeez… fuckin morons…

We move to the Standard. We open a three set with a tall chick, my favorite. I run a thirty minute set on her, but a silent AMOG creeps in somehow and steals the buying temperature. I try to shake his ass off, no avail. I start busting AMOG tactics on him, but I take it a little too far and I blow myself out (“don’t be mean!” sez the chick). Last call rolls around and TD grabs me and we leave…

“Where are we going?” I ask. “Mondrian,” sez TD, “let me explain how to play this game. We have to get upstairs to the exclusive coke parties, but they only let hotel guests up. So we have to hit these sets as they trickle out of the bar and go up with them. We go in one at a time so the bouncers don’t realize what we’re doing. You have like five minutes, high-impact shit… GO…” and he parachutes in. I wait a few moments, and then walk in. We work a set of old chicks that are married; they agree to get us up. But as we approach the elevators, the big black dude there says, “You two… NO.” I guess they saw the whole thing go down. Mission: failed. We end up back at Mel’s, where I eat a late late dinner with Papa and Formhandle.

Saturday night. After the seminars end, we start getting ready to go out. TheOne wants to go AMOG destroying once more. I look for Brion, who has taken the handle “BriMOG”. Someone tells me that he left and said he was “going solo”. Well, he returns to the mansion with a bottle of Smirnoff and is pounding it straight. I’m like, “Yeah, get more drunk…” knowing full well that drunken BriMOG is a walking disaster. He says, “Are you sure? If I do, it’s on your rep!” I tell him I don’t care. We mount up for the Saddle Ranch.

We roll in like a fuckin Strike Team, 5 of us, we split into teams of two and three. Walking around, everyone starts staring at the LED shirt which now reads, “this is a cry for help” (credit: my GF, who finds the shirt “obnoxious”). All of a sudden, TheOne stops and puts his hand on my chest. “What?” I ask. He takes a sniff of the air and says, “I smell AMOGs.” Sure enough, some dude starts busting on us… “Are you guys like, fashion guys?” Hahaha fucker, here we go! I start with some standard tactics, while BriMOG has transformed into the Incredible Drunk. He starts saying, “This guys awesome” and grabbing the dude by his lapels and poking him. I say, “whoa whoa, be nice man! Heheheh…” and BriMOG starts talking in the guy’s ear, like so close he’s licking his ear. Then Christophe rolls in and tells the guy, “Hey man, you arre spitting on mee, it’s cool, but come on man…” while wiping ‘spit’ off his face. The guy is totally bewildered and TheOne blatantly says, “This AMOG bores me.” We decide to pick up girls and number close two cuties who are with some dode that turns out to be a Lounge member… small world!

Christophe made out with this porn chick that was with two big black guys. He befriended the AMOGs by playing up his French accent. The guys were like, “What’s up, dog?” and he pretended to not understand… “what ees zees? I com to Amerreeka and zhou call me a douuug? Why am I a douug? I do not undairstan zees?” The AMOGs start laughing their asses off… “This guy is awesome, yo!” Later that night Christophe pulled back to the mansion.

We get a call… somehow, we got on the list for SkyBar, this super-exclusive bar at the Mondrian. We roll in and start running… guess what? SOLID GAME. Fucking great night. Formhandle approaches me in the bar and says, “Jesus, these LA guys are chumps… the LA opener seems to be, ‘got coke?’” I say, “hehe yeah and this: ‘I’m a producer.’”

My favorite thing the whole weekend came when we tried something new at SkyBar: Quadriplegic Pick-Up. We were lying flat on our backs on these bed-couches and not moving at all, just yelling at the girls, “Hey. Come here.” They would answer back and TheOne would reply, “I can’t hear you. Talk louder and come here.” We refused to move a muscle and ran a number of long sets like this. Hilarious. I #closed a chick from the Bay Area, an LA 8.5, but a San Francisco 10. She was incredibly stupid, like most girls in LA. She asked me what kind of music I like and I said, “Oh, Journey, Chicago, Air Supply, REO Speedwagon, that kind of stuff.” And she says, “I’ve never heard of any of those.” I ask her what kind of music she likes and she says, “80’s music.” I think, this girl’s really stupid, but she’s really nice and really hot, so I’ll let that one slide. Wilder later tells me, “Jeff, I have a feeling that if you lived down here, you’d be telling yourself that a LOT.”

Closing time rolls around and we call up the girls we # closed earlier, we get them back to the mansion. I remember going into the mansion’s backyard and hearing BriMOG talking to someone in the jacuzzi. I’m like, “Allright, he pulled!” But when I approach, I see he is talking to a bottle of vodka, and he leaps up to greet me with his fucking cock wangling in the wind… holy fuck, I turn around and leave in paroxysms of laughter, hoping the chicks don’t want a tour of the yard… So back inthe house, we’re in comfort building when all of a sudden, one of the chicks says, “I have to leave…” There was some weird problem with their friend’s car getting towed or some shit… I didn’t really care, I had a great weekend, and besides, TheOne can always Day2 his target later. We all rolled back to SF that morning.

I learned a lot this weekend. Let’s see:

1. I can open anything. I may not get attraction, but I can OPEN any set without looking like an idiot.
2. I need to go for isolation faster. These guys are off running the cube on these chicks in the corner after five minutes, whereas I have been blasting 50 minute attraction sets. Pointless, and a waste of valuable material I could run later if buying temperature flags.
3. My game is built for 9s and 10s. I’ve never had the kind of success I had this weekend running this game here in SF on 7s. In fact, last night at Rio, I opened a 7 for shits and giggles and I totally blew myself out. She was like, “What’s the angle” with lockup BL. The hot chicks realize it for what it is, and sit back to see if your game is tight enough. From now on, I only sarge 8.5+.

Thanks to everyone for an awesome time.

Then, TheOne chimes in with his take on things.

TheOne writes:
Out with Jlaix:

Two slayers dressed up ready to go AMOG hunting!
So, I spent Friday and Saturday night on the Sunset strip winging with Jlaix. We sought AMOGs, but all we ended up doing was picking up girls! I guess that’s almost as good.

We ran long and fun sets which ended up in isolation and comfort building.
Christophe, I know you are waiting for this: We ran solid game.

We #-closed the 2 set (Fashion model and friend) but Jlaix had to bail Sunday morning so we couldn’t set up a day 2.

Saturday night, we closed two girls and invited them to project Hollywood to hang out after the clubs closed. One of the girls turned out to be a lounge member’s cousin. Weird!
In the middle of the set, he turns to me and Jlaix and says: I know you! You are The ONE, and you, you must be Jlaix. (Jlaix was wearing his Amog-attracting LED shirt.)

We moved on to the Sky bar as there was no wasting time. We had to go where the big boys play. At the Skybar, I open the first set I see: Two pretty girls standing by the heat lamp. I walk (full frontal approach for you badboy. No side turns, in case you are wondering.)
I open with my new “Mystery” opener. (Thanks man.)

The girls love it, we isolate on the one of the bed area, and run a long set that lasted over an hour.
My target lives in LA and Jlaix’s girl was visiting here from Northern Cal and happens to live 30 minutes from Jlaix. How cool is that?
The girl was hot! As we concurred, she is a definite 10 in San Francisco. (8.5 to 9 in LA.) I am certain she’ll be paying a visit to club Jeffy sometime.

After we closed that two set, (we decided inviting them to the Mansion after hours was a wrong move), we decided to have some fun.
I started opening sets while lying flat on my back on these giant beds at the sky bar.
If I didn’t know better, I would have thought this was JLAIX’s favorite thing this weekend.
I would motion girls to come to me, open them, and chat with them while lying flat on my back. (We started giving shit to these two girls who were being hit on by some total AFC. We were not going to get off our backs. It was too fucking comfortable. (Got another number close this way, but not solid game. Sorry Christophe.)

Jlaix’s LED shirt is awesome. It receives so much attention from the girls. (Almost as good as Mystery’s dog.) It equals Herbal’s boa except this is badass. The ONE definitely needs an LED shirt.

I also had fun meeting Wilder fron the SF Crew. Cool guys. Christophe was pleasant as always. Good crew up in SF!

There you go. Hopefully, this’ll be the last thing we hear about the PUA Summit. It’s getting kind-of old. But if you want to continue to share the love, you can check it all out right here.

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3 Responses to “Tag Teaming the PUA Summit”
  1. rocker says:

    I’ve read Playboy’s take on these events too, but I’m not sure if I can repost it.

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