The Art of Approaching

Okay, I want to talk about something here which I’ve touched on a bit in the past, especially with my first article to Cliff’s List, which was "Zen, and the Art of Approaching," where I talked about how to properly approach a woman and construct Openers of your own.

Since that time, I’ve thought a lot about that article, and it’s been one that many people seemed to have gotten something out of.  In a way, That article was the precursor to the start of my website, since it was the first thing I had ever written that got any notice in the community.

With the Lair, I’ve found a way to keep me focused on my goals with women, as well as having an outlet to express my thoughts and opinions.  Through the use of this website, I’ve been able to increase my skillset dramatically, especially when it comes to approaching women.

It’s funny, because I can remember a time when I was SO scared to approach women, that it just didn’t happen.  Now I can do it without much of a second thought.  In fact, it’s become so easy, I can confidently teach other guys how to Open women anywhere, and have done so with a few close friends of mine.

I’ve also been getting many requests lately to meet with people personally and teach them in the field, much like I did when I guest-instructed at the Real Social Dynamics workshop in Chicago.  I’ve been offered money by these people to do so, but did not feel qualified to take their offers as a "Pick-UP Instructor."  I defer that to the truly skilled PUAs such as Mystery and Tyler.  But one thing I did notice was that there was a common thread among the people who asked for my help — they all didn’t know how to approach.

They were afraid to talk to women.

In my daily routine of surfing the Internet dating and seduction chat boards, I noticed that this was a common problem among guys just starting out.  A problem that was usually only solved after taking a live, in-field workshop (and even then, that wasn’t a guarantee).  So seeing this problem, I decided to do something which I struggled with not doing for a long time now.

I wrote a book.

I struggled with not doing this because I don’t want to be a guru.  I don’t want to be a professional pick-up artist.  I am not a master at getting any woman I want into the sack.  But this book is not a system of Seduction.  It’s not "How to get a woman into bed" or "Increase your dates exponentially." Instead, it’s a book that focuses on one thing and one thing only:  The act of Approaching Women.  That is something I am confident I am qualified to talk about.

In the book, I share a great deal of my own Openers with women, some of which you can find in the field report I posted in this newsletter.  But more importantly, I lay out my basic guide on how to overcome your fear of approaching so you can meet any woman, any time, anywhere you may be.

I think this will be a valuable resource for many of the newbies in the community, and even AFCs looking to improve their chances with girls (after all, just the act of talking to a girl can lead to numeous possibilities).  For the more advanced guys, it may be rather basic, but a good reference guide nonetheless.

Don’t worry, I won’t be changing Thundercat’s Seduction Lair to an all-out commercial endeavor (though make no mistake, I do hope to make some money off of this).  It will still be free and updated 5 times a week.  I won’t even plug the book all that often.  But it will be available through the site for anyone who wants it.

The book is called "The Art of Approaching," in reference to my very first Cliff’s List article that started this whole thing off.  It’s an eBook, but don’t worry, it’s fully printable!  lol.  If you want to know more about it, feel free to visit the sales page here.

Payment is through PayPal only.  But PayPal is quick and easy to use.  And the book will always be accessable through the link in the top right hand column of the site.  I put a lot of time and effort into this book, and I hope a great many people will get something out of it.

Here is a sample chapter from the book for your perusal.

From the book "The Art of Approaching":

Fear of the Approach

I’m willing to bet that there has been a time in every man’s life where he has been afraid to approach someone he’s found attractive. And because this is such a prevalent phenomenon, many men have come to the conclusion that approaching women is hard, stressful, and at worst, downright scary.

And because it is such a widespread feeling among men, we all understand it when guys decide not to approach a woman they like. We just nod our heads and mutter “You’re better off without her,” or “She wasn’t really your type anyway,” or the patented “There’s plenty of fish in the sea, bro.”

But like it or not, this fear of approaching is a rather irrational one.  People are social creatures, and need human interaction to survive (at least to stay mentally healthy, anyway). However, despite this, most people fear public speaking more than death, and would rather stand in a corner quietly drinking than interact with others at a party. And when asked, theywill almost always respond “I’m afraid of failure,” or “I’m afraid of rejection.” But no matter how they respond, they will always blame it on one thing: being afraid.

So where does this fear come from?

First of all, I’d argue that it is not always fear that hinders men from approaching women. Rather, I’d say its laziness. Sir Isaac New0ton had a theory, and that theory went something like this:

“Objects in motion stay in motion. Objects at rest, stay at rest.”

When you’re not approaching someone with the intent of befriending them or picking them up, even when you WANT to, you are in a state of “rest.”  This is a state where you’ve established what I like to call a “comfort zone.”  This is a place where you feel safe. Secure. Comfortable. In this zone, you know what to expect, and therefore don’t have to worry about feeling afraid.  And more often than not, you won’t want to leave your comfort zone, because approaching someone introduces the prospect of uncertainty into your life.  It takes EFFORT to get out of your comfort zone, and most of the time, people prefer to be lazy and stay comfortable, rather than do the work it takes to meet their goals.

This comfort zone can be the bane of your social existence. And this is the first barrier you have to approaching a woman you desire.

But there is a second barrier that exists, and this is often the hardest one to overcome. Even those who do the work to leave their comfort zone must face this barrier before they can proceed. This barrier is what causes your stomach to tighten and contract. It’s what causes your heart to beat faster. It’s what causes you to break into a cold sweat and your palms to go clammy.

It’s fear.

But it’s not the type of fear you might think. Many guys will site their “fear of rejection” as the thing that hinders them from approaching women, but I disagree with this. Now, this is my theory, and you have every right to  disagree with this theory because I have no scientific evidence to back it up.  But this is what I think most guys suffer from:

Fear of Loss.

I know it sounds crazy, especially considering you don’t have the woman you want yet, so how can you lose her? Well, let me expound on this kookie theory of mine a bit.

When you see a girl you’re attracted to, that you KNOW you want to have sex with, what happens? Do you get that funny feeling down below, like when you used to climb the rope in gym class? Do you imagine holding her in your arms, making sweet monkey love all night long? Do you fantasize about how her breasts feel or how her lips taste? Or do you just know that “Girl give you raging BO-NAR!”?

Call it desire, call it lust, call it whatever you want. But you have to admit one thing to yourself: You wanna tap that ass.

And this is where the barrier exists. It’s this intense desire for that woman you find attractive that hinders you from meeting her. It’s that incredible urge to fuck her, that overwhelming sense of “want.” You simply WANT that girl — especially if you’re coming from a place of need. The fewer women you have in your life, the stronger this feeling becomes.

It’s this desire that overtakes you and short circuits your brain. It’s this desire that keeps you from thinking of clever things to say. And it’s this desire that creates that fear of loss.

Desire creates an intense WANT of that woman. And where there’s an intense WANT, there’s also an intense desire not to LOSE what you want! Am I right? That is why you censor yourself around desirable women. You keep quiet, because you don’t want to mess up your “chances.” You don’t want to do anything that may screw up the possibility that you can GET what you WANT.

And when you DO take action to get that woman you so desire, you take a chance that you could LOSE that woman you want so badly. And that is where the fear comes from.  Not really from rejection, we have too much rejection in our lives to be bothered by it. Not really from failure either, because we fail at stuff every day. But when we LOSE something, something is taken away from us, and we experience a type of emptiness that is incredibly HARD to cope with.

That is why I think most men suffer from a Fear of Loss.

So when we break this down, here are the two barriers that keep men from approaching:

Comfort Zone –> Fear of Loss

If you want to get over your fear of the approach, you are going to have to learn to overcome these two barriers on a regular and consistent basis. So how do we do this?

Continue on to the next chapter to find out!

There you go.  Free Chapter, Free Newsletter, Free Weblog.  Is it obvious I have WAY too much time on my hands?  =)

For those of you who are already sold and want to get it now, just click on the link below: