Conversations in Pornoland
February 17, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Quotes & Humor
I read a pretty funny post by Carly on her blog Pornblography (BTW, she’s auctioning off a lot of porn memorabelia for all you freaks out there). Anyway, she transcribed a conversation she had with a guy about banging a porno star that I thought was pretty funny, if not a little revealing.
Carly writes:
CONVERSATIONS IN PORNOLANDHim: So you remember that porn girl I was telling you about that was staying with me last year?
Me: No, but go on.
Him: She’s coming to LA and says we should hang out.
Me: Oh yeah.
Him: She’s annoying. She’s a fundamentalist vegan.
Me: Uh huh.
Him: She’s obsessed with nutrition the way I’m obsessed with pornography. She only eats wheatgrass and soy, and she needs to do an enema every two days as a result.
Me: If she’s in porno she needs to do enemas anyway.
Him: She doesn’t do anal.
Me: Then she’s not a porn star.
Him: That’s what I tell her. I tell her, "Come back when you’re ready to do real porno." She doesn’t swallow because of the veganism either. I saw on a website saying something like, “This girl is a vegan, but she still enjoys meaty cock.”
Me: Call PETA!
Him: She sucks dick horribly. Terrible technique.
Me: Does that have anything to do with her veganism?
Him: I dunno. One time I came on her and she didn’t know that thing about when jizz and water mix. She was yelling, “Oh my God, it won’t come off!”
Me: Yeah, you gotta wipe that off first.
Him: Yes you do.
Me: So are you going to fuck her?
Him: Fuck no. I’m done. I wouldn’t even let her use her hand on me. She had this thing about “I need to be in love to have sex,” but she’d suck cock three times a day. If you’re sucking cock, why won’t you just get fucked? It’s not that big of a line. What a bozo.
Me: You’re just mad because she wouldn’t fuck you.
Him: No, it’s not that she wouldn’t fuck me, it’s how she wouldn’t fuck me. She’d pull all this drama. And her personality… it’s so annoying.
Me: Yeah, but I bet if she fucked you you’d overlook her personality.
Him: No.
Me: Suuuuuuuure.
LOL. So what’s the moral of the story, kids? Simple: Water and Jizz don’t mix. =)
Actually, I think the part about the girl willing to give head, but not have sex is pretty interesting. I know Swinggcat has this concept of "sexual barriers" that is very similar, which is basically the concept behind why some girls might not feel comfortable kissing you, but would still be willing to fuck you. Most guys might think "Oh, I gotta kiss her and then try to have sex with her," when in reality, you may need to do the reverse.
Something to think about, anyways.
You can also check this post out on Carly’s blog here.
Donaldneuth on 
ScottreN on 
DavidDUt on 
WilliamOmify on 
fpparisshop.com on 
I’ve had several discussions with women about this topic. It is true that some women will fuck you or do other sexual stuff, and yet they don’t feel comfortable kissing you. Kissing is too intimate! Therefore I have developed the J-Dog master equation for women:
Woman = Psychosis
Seriously though. I have also noticed that when running game, and I want to amp things sexually and shift into more sexual kino, that it is better to do other things first before kissing. Such as brushing your hand through her hair… whispering something into here ear.. and taking the time to make this sexual, by letting your breath pass over her ear… also nibbling on the ear and kissing her neck. This sort of stuff gives me much better responses than just going in for the kiss when the time seems right.
J-Dog.