Dating for Male Porno Stars

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Carly at Pornblography has a pretty entertaining write-up of advice for any guy who’s lucky enough to be working in porn, yet wants to date a chick that isn’t as fucked in the head as most of the girls he’s forced to work with.  So for all you guys in "the industry" who read this site, this one’s for you…

Carly writes:
A PSA FOR MALE TALENT LOOKING TO DATE MAINSTREAM GIRLS

If there’s one sentiment that’s been echoed to me on a continual basis by the male talent in this industry – aside from loudly proclaiming how virile they are – it’s that they’re interested in having a nice, normal relationship with a nice, normal girl. Working as a rent-a-cock seems to put a damper on this dream, surprisingly enough, but that doesn’t stop many of them from pursuing that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, rose-colored glasses firmly in place. But here’s the thing – it’s not always the fact that they do porn that makes them strike out, it’s how they behave that makes them strike out. And after hearing another story of this nature, I figured it was time to take the time to point out to the meat puppets in this industry why they’re having issues settling down with the girl next door. Or at least why they can’t fuck her.

Last week I got a phone call from a business associate/gal pal who left me a cryptic message saying that she had something to ask me as it was right up my alley. Up to my eyeballs in PR madness, I returned her call yesterday and got the scoop.

“Do you know [REAL NAME DELETED]?” she asked.

“Uhmmm…”

“He’s [PORNO NAME DELETED],” she said.

The light bulb went on. “Yes, I know him!”

“What’s his deal?”

I wracked my brain for anything I’d heard or any dealings I’d had with him in the past. “Seems decent enough,” I told her. “Never heard anything bad about him. He’s articulate from what I know. He can tie his own shoes.”

“He picked up on me at a bar,” she told me.

“What happened?”

“Well, first of all I met him and we kinda hit it off. He was funny and great to talk to. But then when he went to the bathroom the guy that was with him said, ‘You know he does porn, right?’ and I was like, ‘No!’ And so when he came back from the bathroom I asked if it was true.”

“And what did he say?”

“He said he hadn’t made a movie in a couple of years.”

STOP!

Okay, male talent, this is where your first fuck-up is. You can tell a mainstream girl all you want that you don’t do porn anymore… but you know what? She’s smart enough to do her research to see if that’s actually true. Let’s take a look at what happens next…

After I finished laughing my guts out, I said, “That’s total bullshit.”

“Oh, I know,” she said. “I looked it up on the Internet and he appears to have been very active. I even found on-set reports with him in them.”

“Yup, I was actually on set with him a few months back for something.”

“Right, that’s what I figured.”

“So what else happened?” I asked.

“Well, it was strange. One minute he’d be talking all normal with me and stuff, and then all of a sudden he’d get all serious and look at me and say, ‘I’m gonna fuck the hell out of you.’”

STOP!

Fuck-up number two. If you guys are going to continue to try and pick up on mainstream girls, you can’t talk to them like they’re industry. “I’m gonna fuck the hell out of you” will get you a blow job under the table of the restaurant you’re at if you’re in the Valley and you’re out with someone who wears kneepads for a living, but for those chicks who don’t, you’re either likely to scare them or get slapped. Let’s see what her reaction was…

I laughed heartily again. “See, that’s the problem – they don’t know how to talk to normal girls.”

“No, definitely not. It was weird.”

“So then what?”

“Well, then he wanted to go and get something to eat, but I was fine so I decided to stay there with my girlfriends,” she said. “So he left and called me later to see what I was doing. Then he called me again. And again. And again. And then he got his friend to call me, and I know his friend doesn’t have my number…”

STOP!

This would be fuck-up number three: overzealousness. Here’s another example of this that I saw first hand. I was on set for a shoot one time that counted among its invited guests a former contestant for a reality show who was perky and cute, and admitted that she was single. One of the male talent pulled up a chair and started chatting with her, which was cool, but then when she mentioned she was single he immediately started bombarding her with demands for her number, her address, dinner, drinks, a sleepover at his place… it was a little too much too soon for her and she quickly retreated, spending the majority of her time on set avoiding him. Now granted, Mr. Talent was clearly taken with her and was simply excited at the prospect of spending time in her company. But. There’s a difference between stalking and pursuing, fellas. Look it up.

But getting back to our story…

“Of course,” I said. “So then what?”

“Well, he called me at the end of the night when I was two seconds to walking in the door and hitting the sack, so I went to sleep.”

“You gonna talk to him again?”

“Probably not. But I wanted to call you and tell you what happened because I knew you’d appreciate it.”

Indeed I did. And if said talent might’ve been a little less full of shit, a little less overly sexually aggressive and a little less scarily stalkerish, he might’ve enjoyed more than the continual sound of my friend’s cell phone going to voicemail.

So here’s my tips to you porno fellas looking to date outside of the usual circles:

• Telling a girl how big your cock is or how many times you can pop in an hour isn’t a valid way to pick-up.

• Asking for double anal on the first date is inadvisable.

• If you have other interests outside of porn, you should discuss them. If you don’t have other interests outside of porn, you likely shouldn’t date outside of porn.

• Don’t bullshit her about what you have or haven’t done, because one trip to the video store or a little Internet research will prove you’re full of it.

• Try using your brain in place of your dick in terms of what runs your mouth.

• Read her signals. If the doorman at her building has been instructed to call the cops if he sees you, you likely took your pursuing into that stalking realm we were talking about.

Best of luck to you all.

Anyone else find it funny that guys who fuck girls for a living still have problems picking up women and dating?  I guess it just goes to show that we’re all in the same boat when it comes to finding a girl you can really connect with as opposed to finding a girl you can just stick your dick into.

I think Mystery should start courting porno guys to take his workshop.  Then they can learn all about comfort building, which most of them seem to know nothing about.  I guess you can only show up to deliver pizza and end up fucking the hot blonde and her roommate who just took a shower so many times before your view of reality gets slightly skewed.

Anyway, you can read the same article on Carly’s site, located here.

Mama-san

So in my daily surfing, I came upon this article about how some Japanese boys are improving their grades… by doing their mothers.

Every evening at 8:00, Haruki would vanish into his room, ostensibly to study. Meiko was pleased — until one night she caught a glimpse of him through the slightly open door and realized he was not studying but masturbating. Intrigued, she peeked into his room the following night, and the night after that. The conclusion was inescapable. At the rate he was going, he would not be ready for his tests.

"I’d better have a talk with him," she thought — and did.

"Mom," he said, shyly but firmly, "I wanna do it with you."

"With me!" What to do? Be shocked and angry, or calm and understanding? "Let’s see what your father says."

Father was surprised but kept his head. "No genital sex," he stipulated. "However, if it’s just a question of making the boy feel good, I won’t say no."

And so every evening Haruki’s studying was prefaced by a 15-minute maternal blow job. His concentration improved; his marks soared. Everyone was happy — except dad, whose doubts grew as time passed.

Jeeze.  Can’t they just be normal and do their friend’s mom?

Anyway, I think this is a pretty good example of just how important sex is to boys, especially while they’re developing.  Just how these boys are going to develop is anyones guess.  *cringe*

Quote of the Day

Quote of the Day goes to Neo-Rio.

Neo-Rio writes:
Yeah, suppose I am totally useless about knowing women’s periods… then again I’m not a woman fuckstick.

BOO-YAH!

Quote of the Day

So it seems Friday is "TD Luvin’" day, as Tyler’s streak of memorable posts continues.  This one was just so funny, I had to post it as the Quote of the Day.

Tyler Durden wrote:
MINE’99, this is genius post.  Not many people know this: although Isaac Newton is often credited for discovering gravity, it was in fact first discussed by MINE’99 in the ’99 LA Palo Alto psychic influence seminar.

**Original post has been edited by me.

=)

The Harsh Reality of PAIMAI

Found this on the A Bad Man in a Bad Place blog.

On the subway, none of the cute girls with good skin and high heels would make eye contact with me, either uptown on the E or downtown on the 9.  The only woman who would was a fifty something very beautiful woman who, to my dismay, intimidated me.  I lost eye contact with her.  She just stared. And stared.  And was around 50.

Failure is not a bad thing.  Not trying is where the trouble starts.

LOL.  Where’s a false opinion opener when you need one?
          

Conversations in Pornoland

I read a pretty funny post by Carly on her blog Pornblography (BTW, she’s auctioning off a lot of porn memorabelia for all you freaks out there).  Anyway, she transcribed a conversation she had with a guy about banging a porno star that I thought was pretty funny, if not a little revealing.

Carly writes:
CONVERSATIONS IN PORNOLAND

Him: So you remember that porn girl I was telling you about that was staying with me last year?

Me: No, but go on.

Him: She’s coming to LA and says we should hang out.

Me: Oh yeah.

Him: She’s annoying. She’s a fundamentalist vegan.

Me: Uh huh.

Him: She’s obsessed with nutrition the way I’m obsessed with pornography. She only eats wheatgrass and soy, and she needs to do an enema every two days as a result.

Me: If she’s in porno she needs to do enemas anyway.

Him: She doesn’t do anal.

Me: Then she’s not a porn star.

Him: That’s what I tell her. I tell her, "Come back when you’re ready to do real porno." She doesn’t swallow because of the veganism either. I saw on a website saying something like, “This girl is a vegan, but she still enjoys meaty cock.”

Me: Call PETA!

Him: She sucks dick horribly. Terrible technique.

Me: Does that have anything to do with her veganism?

Him: I dunno. One time I came on her and she didn’t know that thing about when jizz and water mix. She was yelling, “Oh my God, it won’t come off!”

Me: Yeah, you gotta wipe that off first.

Him: Yes you do.

Me: So are you going to fuck her?

Him: Fuck no. I’m done. I wouldn’t even let her use her hand on me. She had this thing about “I need to be in love to have sex,” but she’d suck cock three times a day. If you’re sucking cock, why won’t you just get fucked? It’s not that big of a line. What a bozo.

Me: You’re just mad because she wouldn’t fuck you.

Him: No, it’s not that she wouldn’t fuck me, it’s how she wouldn’t fuck me. She’d pull all this drama. And her personality… it’s so annoying.

Me: Yeah, but I bet if she fucked you you’d overlook her personality.

Him: No.

Me: Suuuuuuuure.

LOL.  So what’s the moral of the story, kids?  Simple:  Water and Jizz don’t mix.  =)

Actually, I think the part about the girl willing to give head, but not have sex is pretty interesting.  I know Swinggcat has this concept of "sexual barriers" that is very similar, which is basically the concept behind why some girls might not feel comfortable kissing you, but would still be willing to fuck you.  Most guys might think "Oh, I gotta kiss her and then try to have sex with her," when in reality, you may need to do the reverse.

Something to think about, anyways.

You can also check this post out on Carly’s blog here.

Quote of the Day

Quote of the day goes to Neo-Rio, who responds to a poster asking a question about what to do if a girl slaps/grabs/pinches your ass in a club.

Neo-Rio writes:
Tease of course, you dumb fuck!

Priceless.  Like Mastercard.  =)

jlaix workshop!

Well, count jlaix in with the likes of Tyler Durden and Harmless!  Looks like he’s planning to put on a workshop up in San Fran on Feb. 21st & 22nd.  Of course, to give proper credit, jlaix has been teaching workshops much longer than either TD or Harmless, so looks like he’ll be imparting some of his wisdom with the bonny lads.

jlaix writes:
I am gonna do a rare full-blown public sarge event here in San Francisco on the weekend of February 21st & 22nd as a special guest at the RSD Seminar/Workshop, looking like a hot version of k.d. lang and winging with the students. To live up to expectations, my roommate suggests I show up with a fifth of shitty scotch and a sawed-off Mossberg, wearing a realistic female latex mask and leading a teen girl around on a leash, then run around the room shrieking a couple times, then leave.

Just remember, whenever you take a jlaix workshop, you are GUARANTEED to be punched in the fuckin’ face by a beligerent AMOG, or your money back!!!!  How great a deal is that?

You can find out more info here.

Quote of the Day

Quote of the day once again goes to jlaix.

jlaix writes:
I once made that Frenchy Frog Christophe sing karaoke while pointing the loaded shotgun at him. FUCK FRENCH!!

YEAH!  Take that you… you… French People!  =P

PS:  I know for a fact that jlaix isn’t joking.  This is one of Frenchy Frog Christophe’s favorite jlaix stories.

Scematic’s New Sig

I just found Schematic’s new sig, and I must say, I laughed.

schematic

–
"He’s a I-need-trolls-not-pussy-clown"
– feminator

What feminator lacks in content, he more than makes up for in comic relief.  =)

Scematic’s New Sig

I just found Schematic’s new sig, and I must say, I laughed.

schematic

–
"He’s a I-need-trolls-not-pussy-clown"
– feminator

What feminator lacks in content, he more than makes up for in comic relief.  =)

Quote of the Day

In regards to a thread on Jacking-Off where the original poster is promptly scolded by Formhandle, jlaix — probably one of the funniest posters on mASF, wins the quote of the day with:

The Hand is Banned.

-jlaix

Priceless.  =)

This is some fucked up shit!

Wow, I found this and… wow.  I don’t know if it’s those crazy brits O.D.ing on tea & crumpets, or what, but the BBC just released a study that shows smoking is actually BETTER for your health than being SINGLE!  That’s right, sitting around puffing away at cancer sticks while married or in a committed relationship is better than being single.

You can read the whole depressing article here.  In the meantime I’ll be in the corner crying.  =)

Quote of the Day

"Not to be an asshole, but unless you plan on fucking her in front of others, isolation is key."
–epitome of evolution

=)

Thundercat

A Moment of Zen

Wrap your brain around this one:

Neo-Rio writes:
If you treat a woman with respect, she feels cheap because she feels pressure to do something to advance the relationship. If you treat her like an inanimate object in your reality, she feels special because you’re making all the effort and she doesn’t have to do squat.

Thundercat

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