Paying For Girls?

Brian10212 over on the PUA Forums had a question about paying for girls on dates…

Brian10212 writes:

I know it’s not a good idea to pay for girls when you first meet them but what about what you have texted them awhile back and forth or talked to them on the phone multiple times? They want to go out later and if you go to a bar or get something to eat then how do you guys handle the situation when the bill comes?

This is an interesting question because there are a lot of factors involved when it comes to picking up the tab on a date.

The first of which is whether or not you can afford to pay for dates.  I mean, most people are employed and have money, but I’m well aware there are guys out there who don’t have any extra cash to drop on a girl – especially girls who aren’t giving it up quite yet.

If you can’t afford to take girls out, then you gotta make it clear you wanna go dutch (ie: have her pay for herself and you pay for yourself) before you meet up.  Just ask her if its cool if you meet somewhere cheap because you’ve got a big bill coming due and you can’t afford to treat her at that time.  Don’t make it sound like your broke, just that your money is tied up at the moment.

However, if you’re not completely broke, here are my guidelines for when it comes to paying for chicks…

First of all, if you invite a girl out with you, its only polite that you be the one to pay.  After all, she wouldn’t be going out if it wasn’t for you.  So if I ask a girl to meet up, I’ll typically offer to pick up the bill when it comes around.  (By the way, a good trick is to not tell her you’re going to pick up the bill until it comes.  This way she’ll typically not order all that much.)

Try and schedule dates after meal times so you can avoid paying for food.  A good trick is to ask her when she’s going to eat dinner, then schedule to meet up an hour or two after that time for drinks, which are usually cheaper than meals.

When you’re meeting up for dates, go someplace low key and cheap, like a coffee shop or something.  However, if you transition to a bar, be prepared to pick up the tab for her drinks.

If the girl offers to pay, let her if you want.  I’ll usually say “That’s not necessary, I got this,” but if the girl insists on paying for herself, let her.  Some girls do this because they want to be independent, but some do it because they don’t want to sleep with you and don’t want you to feel like they’re taking advantage of you.  So don’t insist on paying unless you feel like burning some cash.

If you really wanna get sneaky, you can buy the first round at the bar, and then say “Next rounds on you!”  If the girl agrees, she’ll buy the next round.  If not, she won’t order anything more and you just saved yourself some cash.

Typically, I try to keep dates to $50 or less if its a girl I’m not sleeping with.  Some girls will use guys as ATMs with legs just to get free meals and drinks and stuff, and never give you anything in return, so beware of girls like this and keep the budget low.  However, if a girl is nice, and fun, and I’m already sleeping with her, I won’t be afraid to take her out to dinner or something like that.  Just pay attention to whether or not you feel like you’re being taken advantage of.

Also, I don’t base my spending habits on whether or not I’ve talked and texted with a girl for a while before meeting up.  I base it on the number of face-to-face meetings.  First date is always something casual and cheap, like meeting up for drinks at a cafe or coffee shop.  If we meet up again, then maybe I’ll take her out to dinner, or go to a bar.  If there’s a third date, I’ll pay no problem.  Your willingness to pay should go up with the number of times you see the girl face-to-face, not how often you’re in contact with her.

Of course, you can make it so that you never spend any significant amount of money on a girl, but eventually you might come off as being too cheap.  It really depends on how much you like the girl.  If she’s just a booty call you’re chasing, you’ll spend less on a girl like that than a girl you actually want to have a relationship with.