A Healthy “Relationship” Frame

You know, every once in a while, I read a post that is just so spot on, it simply has to be featured, commented on, and passed around.   And this post on Relationship Game by AlwaysExcel over on the mASF board is definitely one of those.

Check it out…

AlwaysExcel writes:

After my disillusionment with long term relationship success this fall, I’ve experienced a pretty dramatic shift in focus or understanding of this stuff. As I‘ve stated already on here, I’ve adopted the belief that women leave regardless of what we do. Thus, I don’t give a shit about “doing the right thing” anymore. It’s been freeing.

Neo Rio once made a post about how you should delete the relationship if the relationship is stressing you out. I’m currently applying that, not to specific bad relationships, but to the general concept of “having a relationship.” This concept causes me anxiety about proper MAINTENANCE (ugh) and calibration of attraction, respect, compliance, her and my position in each other’s lives, logistics, energy investment etc. etc. Even if you’re restricting your energy investment into a chick, just the act of paying attention and TRYING TO GET IT RIGHT is a betaizing energy investment! The concept of “having a relationship” is also a platform for shit testing and jealousy.

Scary wrote about the value of STRs this year because they cut out the stress of longer relationships. I think he’s onto something. I’m personally taking it further so that EVERY interaction with a chick is a STR. After we’ve fucked and she leaves, she’s back to being a friend who I may or may not ever fuck again. If she has a problem with that, I simply soft next her by….DOING NOTHING (which means by default that sex doesn’t happen between us). In other words, I’m now all about friends with benefits.

I’ve found the key to this so far is being comfortable with fucking my friends and comfortable with LBJFing my lovers. And the key to being comfy with fucking my friends is being sexual (kino and flirtation) with ALL of my female friends so that slipping into sex is perfectly natural and smooth with the ones I decide to fuck. Basic stuff.

I don’t have to fuck all my friends, even the hot ones, or even continue fucking them. Since I no longer give a shit, any resistance from girls in the form of flat vibes, bitch shields, flakes, bad logistics, LMR, etc, just turns off my interested switch. I’d rather LBJF a chick than struggle with her over this stuff. This goes for both before and after initial seduction.

The goal with this new frame is getting and keeping good feelings and mutual value escalation in friendships instead of getting and keeping power like I used to fret about in romantic relationships. If either I or the girl fouls the vibe along the way, then attraction breaks, and we fall into the safety net of the friend zone/social circle either temporarily or permanently. I don’t hate the friend zone anymore because I get laid regularly and I know most women leave. If a friend stops fucking me because of a new monogamous relationship, I’m happy for her like I would be for any other friends because we had no “steady sexual or romantic relationship” that was lost. Either way, good feelings are maintained.

“Friendship” is a very fluid term. It encompasses deep connections and very casual acquaintances. It’s possible to be sexual with friends of any depth.

Friendship + sex = most of the good shit in relationships as far as I’m concerned. The only thing missing is the idea of rank/special status/role that can be romantic and nice but also the source of anxiety, ownership, and conflict. I don’t worry about my friends being too busy to hang out over the holidays or going on a trip without me. But that would be the source of drama in a romantic relationship. I can still do romantic stuff like trips, dinners, movies, phone calls, being affectionate, and even saying ILY etc because I do that shit with my friends too! And since I have the frame of serial STRs with friends, I can let myself experience romantic affection in those moments.

I can tell this guy is the real deal when it comes to this stuff, because I think most PUAs who reach a level where women are flocking to them like lemmings to the ocean, and they’ve been in enough relationships, can relate to what AlwaysExcel is saying.  I would definitely recommend you read the entire post here.

Any girl you’re in a serious relationship with will be a “friend,” but having a number of casual relationships with lots of different women will give you a good deal of power and choice to definite the type of relationships you want to be in.  If you can prevent yourself from getting too strongly emotionally attached to any one girl until such time as you make the conscious decision that you’ve found a girl you want to get serious with, you will tend to be a lot happier (and a lot more successful) in the “relationship game.”