An Approach to Approach Anxiety
January 26, 2009 by AFCAdam
Filed under AFCAdam, Articles, Featured, Guest Authors
Hey Guys,
For the new year I thought I’d tackle one of the first problems people experience within game and slowly move through the topics throughout the rest of 2009.
Are you afraid of approaching someone you like through a fear of rejection?
Do you get that horrible feeling in your stomach and begin to formulate 100 reasons why someone wouldn’t want to talk to you?
This is a lot more common than you would believe. There are a number of different products out there which will supposedly “fix” the fear of approaching strangers, especially ones you are attracted to. However, few of them take the time to understand why we have that fear in the first place. If you understand why you have this fear or anxiety, you can take steps to counter it. This is probably the biggest topic when it comes to understanding attraction. Well, that is to say, it is the one that most people have the biggest problem with. I constantly receive the same excuses time and time again when it comes to this subject.
1) I’m scared of approaching
2) I have a fear of rejection
3) They aren’t in the mood to be spoken to
4) She won’t think I look good enough
5) I can’t meet people in a park/cinema/night club
6) I’m not good enough for him/her
7) There’s no point, it won’t work
These are probably the most common reasons I am given as to why someone can’t approach, or the feeling that is preventing them from approaching. The fact that these are so prevalent is because they are all based on very real psychological factors to do with learning and behaviour.
Anxiety is defined by Seligman, Walker and Rosenhan (2001) as a physiological state characterized by cognitive, somatic, emotional, and behavioral components. These factors essentially make up the feelings that we experience as fear, apprehension, and worry.
There are some physical sensations that you will probably be aware of such as heart palpitations, nausea, chest pain, shortness of breath, sweaty palms, shaking and perhaps headaches. These may be common to you. Some people will disguise these by making a decision not to approach. This will relieve the sensations and instead leave a sort of “numbness” to the situation.
Sigmund Freud himself believed that these anxious feelings were created by an association between a past negative experience and the current situation. These associations are often false and not related through causality – the idea that one situation directly affects another, but through correlation – one thing “tends to affect another over repeated attempts.”
When people begin to see this correlation as a fact, it is commonly referred to as “Magical Thinking.”
There are two governing principles behind magical thinking. The first is the law of similarity which is the notion that things that resemble each other are casually connected in some way that defies scientific testing.
For example:
Here people will typically see vertical columns of squares and circles as opposed to horizontal mixed rows of squares and circles.
The second law is the law of contagion which is the belief that “things that have been in physical contact or in spatial or temporal association with other things retain a connection after they are separated.” Contagion effects have been noted to be more effective with negative associations than with positive ones. This is probably best explained by the notion of getting “bad luck” or having a bad time every time you go to a specific venue.
Freud believed that the anxiety or fear was maintained through a form operant conditioning. Essentially the feeling of anxiety is reinforced every time you are in a similar situation. You then “learn” to remove the negative feeling of anxiety by not approaching. These connections of patterns, or “magical thinking,” are common throughout all the human societies across the world. The human brain is adept at forming these patterns, though we do not have a particularly good system for distinguishing between real and perceived connections. Theoretically this is due to a simple survival tactic. If we notice rustling behind a bush it is better for us to assume it is some form of threat and begin to prep our bodies to defend ourselves rather than ignore it and risk being eaten.
Our fear or anxiety response is actually designed to help us survive in a fight or flight scenario. Believe it or not the symptoms detailed earlier are all beneficial to us in times of survival. Perspiration occurs to help cool us down, heart rate increases to improve blood circulation and muscles tighten as they are filled with oxygen in preparation for use. Unfortunately these are not particularly beneficial when we are looking for something witty to say during a conversation with someone.
In short we learn the fear through a number of negative experiences and then reinforce them by not doing anything about it. The bodies natural reaction towards a fearful situation is the feeling we associate with approach anxiety or the fear of the approach. The way to overcome this is to reverse the learning.
All of the common problems detailed above can be directly related to either “magical thinking” in the form of a false belief that failure is almost certain due to some form of connection to a previous situation that failed. Or pure fear learnt and reinforced by not approaching. These are both forms of self fulfilled prophecy i.e. Unless you actively do something to fix it they will continue to support themselves. The good news is that this problem is far from unfixable.
The bad news is that it does take time. The easiest way to fix this is to actually go out and meet new people. The problem is that when you do this, any negative experience you receive is likely to reinforce the previous attitude or fear you had before. As I’ve mentioned before one of the easiest ways to get around this is to simply meet people for the sake of meeting people.
Most of us are actually more than happy to talk to other people, especially on boring long journeys, or when waiting in a long queue. Get used to talking to absolutely everybody, male or female, young and old. This should help you generate a great deal of positive responses to your approaches and help curb some of those negative connections.
I hope this helps guys,
Adam Lyons
(AFC Adam)
Terrysuida on 
Davidzeria on 
Terrysuida on 
Terrysuida on 
k8 カジノ on 
cost biaxin 250mg order catapres 0.1mg online cheap purchase antivert online
You suggested it perfectly.
https://ouressays.com/ things to write a compare and contrast essay on
industrial insulation companies [url=https://nqjj2g.zombeek.cz]life alert information[/url] gphr
Everything information about medication. earch our drug database.
[url=https://nexium.top/#]get generic nexium without dr prescription[/url]
Generic Name. Learn about the side effects, dosages, and interactions.
With thanks. Awesome information!
https://essaywritingservicelinked.com/ should there be homework
Top 100 Searched Drugs. Top 100 Searched Drugs.
where can i buy levaquin pills
Everything information about medication. Some are medicines that help people when doctors prescribe.
campbell dental [url=https://gdkpbq.zombeek.cz]veritas security[/url] tax attorney durham nc
San Jose Business Law Firm
exchange online service description [url=https://xi2hss.zombeek.cz]acco org[/url] online practice ged
los angeles hard drive recovery [url=https://linktr.ee/gocogem]payroll accounting basics[/url] st johns water company
cleaning company brochure [url=http://yq2pka.zombeek.cz]auto insurance bodily injury[/url] non-contract cell phone plans comparison
buy naprosyn 250mg pill buy prevacid generic buy prevacid generic
refrigerator repair nyc [url=https://gocogem.fo.team]business management courses dublin[/url] breast augmentation photos before and after
botox images [url=https://linktr.ee/haxecel]national institute for alcohol abuse and alcoholism[/url] sudden urgency to urinate
Fantastic information, Thanks a lot!
https://essaywritingservicelinked.com/ help with writing essays
buy naproxen 500mg online lansoprazole 15mg cost order prevacid for sale
Everything what you want to know about pills. safe and effective drugs are available.
https://nexium.top/# can i get generic nexium pills
Everything about medicine. Everything about medicine.
usf ent [url=https://linktr.ee/gocogem]virtual office answering[/url] castle rock dentists
courses for nutrition [url=https://bqpgoy.zombeek.cz]vdi security[/url] active directory reporting tools
san diego title loans [url=https://teyef.fo.team]transmitting hiv[/url] student bank account
Actual trends of drug. Read here.
https://levaquin.science/# get cheap levaquin
Best and news about drug. Get information now.
desktop price in india [url=https://6zzhab.zombeek.cz]keystone heights elementary[/url] drugs for psoriasis
good samaritan rehab [url=https://g0pq9o.zombeek.cz]3 credit agencies[/url] sub zero bi-42s
tiotropium bromide 9 mcg oral minocin 100mg usa hytrin ca
cisco snmp object navigator [url=https://fhq.datacut.ru]connors wealth management[/url] vien removal
Some trends of drugs. Drug information.
lisinopril price 10 mg
Comprehensive side effect and adverse reaction information. Get here.
plumber miami fl [url=https://wds.blogcut.ru]what is the senate[/url] general lines insurance
barber college chicago [url=https://zch.bloghut.ru]treating heartburn[/url] flower girls headbands
Best and news about drug. Medicament prescribing information.
https://nexium.top/# can i buy cheap nexium prices
Commonly Used Drugs Charts. earch our drug database.
wb hosting [url=https://dhd.blogmee.ru]valeric acid[/url] 21 cfr 803
colleges i n atlanta georgia [url=https://qps.datamee.ru]top mobile credit card processing[/url] applerouth tutoring
chiropractors in birmingham al [url=https://rci.dataqut.ru]malaria discovery[/url] bank of ruston
mdl3800 [url=https://gqs.dataqut.ru]designing a website for free[/url] san anton
buy albuterol 100mcg online cheap pantoprazole 20mg uk brand ciprofloxacin 1000mg
nasal decongestant spray side effects [url=https://rvz.bloghut.ru]medical alert wristbands[/url] amazon servers pricing
http://120345.adminka.cc/
Get information now. Everything what you want to know about pills.
lisinopril 12.5 mg 20 mg
Some are medicines that help people when doctors prescribe. drug information and news for professionals and consumers.
downtown la fashion district [url=https://eiu.blogcut.ru]buy mba degree[/url] hsa.org
attorney for freedom [url=https://qyk.blogcut.ru]us bank savings interest rates[/url] vertebrae replacement
earch our drug database. Drug information. order avodart
Some are medicines that help people when doctors prescribe. What side effects can this medication cause?
Wow, amazing blog format! Нow lengthy hɑve can you buy cheap synthroid without prescription
beｅn blogging for? yoս make blogging glance easy.
Тhe entire look of your web site iѕ excellent, let alоne the content material!
slot online
“Daftar Slot Online Langsung Dapat Freechip Tanpa Deposit Awal Terpercaya”
Jika Anda ingin bermain judi slot online dengan bonus freechip tanpa deposit awal, ada baiknya untuk bergabung di situs judi slot online terpercaya. Bonus freechip atau freebet akan membantu Anda memainkan betting slot online tanpa harus mengeluarkan modal. Dalam situs ini, peluang meraih kemenangan terbuka lebar bagi seluruh pemain yang bergabung.
Untuk memperoleh bonus freebet ini, cukup mendaftarkan diri sebagai member aktif dan fokus bermain setiap harinya. Bonus freebet ini berlaku pada jenis provider dan game slot yang sudah ditentukan oleh bandar judi slot online.
Situs kami adalah salah satu dari situs judi slot online terpercaya yang menawarkan banyak pilihan permainan beserta bonus freechip yang menguntungkan. Beberapa diantara daftar platform gambling slot online yang bekerja sama dengan situs kami antara lain Pragmatic Play, Microgaming, CQ9, PG Soft, Joker Gaming, dan Habanero.
Pragmatic Play menempati posisi pertama sebagai provider gambling slot online dengan bonus freebet yang wajib dicoba. Microgaming, sebagai raksasa industri iGaming, menawarkan permainan judi slot online dan live casino online terbaik beserta bonus freebet yang menguntungkan. CQ9 menawarkan bonus sensasional berupa mega jackpot yang mencapai ratusan juta rupiah. PG Soft atau Pocket Games Soft menawarkan ratusan jenis slot online dengan tema fantasi dan bonus freebet tanpa deposit. Joker Gaming, provider terbaik yang pertama kalinya hadir di Indonesia, memiliki izin resmi dan memberikan bonus freebet kepada setiap member. Habanero menjadi salah satu dari provider gambling yang bekerja sama dengan situs judi slot online terpercaya dan memberikan bonus freebet pada setiap member.
Jangan ragu untuk bergabung dan merasakan sensasi bermain judi slot online dengan bonus freechip tanpa deposit awal hanya di situs judi slot online terpercaya.
stock chart program [url=https://fff.blogcut.ru]telemarketing lists[/url] pittsburgh massage therapy
mass email client [url=https://kpx.bloghut.ru]g13 strain[/url] freeonline storage
open an online checking account for free [url=https://xkz.bloghut.ru]moving internationally[/url] mechanics insurance
Commonly Used Drugs Charts. Read information now.
zestril 5mg
Everything what you want to know about pills. Learn about the side effects, dosages, and interactions.
herbal clean drug test [url=https://zha.datacut.ru]masters degree risk management[/url] locksmith auto lockout
http://www.refinance.com [url=https://tse.datamee.ru]sell diamond ring[/url] west side veterinary clinic
www hiundai [url=https://per.dataqut.ru]baton rouge divorce attorneys[/url] cbi insurance
college funding calculator [url=https://wqg.bloghut.ru]easy rn to bsn online[/url] should i buy a tablet or laptop