New Badboy Review

Got this new review from a very satisfied Badboy workshop student.  If anyone out there is thinking about taking one, definitely take some time to read this.

Outsider, 42 year old from South Africa
Amsterdam 2006

Preamble:
My background is the usual AFC horror story. I was Mr Nice Guy at university and girls could see me coming a mile away. Result: 15 years of marriage and a slow road to spiritual suicide (despite her being a great woman). I knew something wasn’t right from the start. I felt like a man and wanted to be a man but I was totally a victim of social programming and had been turned into a eunuch. It took me 15 years to grow my balls back and leave. That was 6 years ago – however, I had much to learn and no one around to teach me. I was completely clueless. Girls around me were into me when I was just being natural but as soon as I wanted to make a move it was back into Mr Nice Guy and instant turn-off for them. After another LTR that lasted 2 years I discovered speed dating. I thought there must be a way to systematically improve my seduction skills so I went out to get as much experience as possible. I went on about 300 speed dates over a year and tried to learn everything I could about dating. I even maintained a database on who was who, who I was seeing when, what I did right, what I did wrong and so on. This was good and my skills improved significantly to the point where there was no shortage of women but very few if any of them turned me on.

This makes sense right? If you are a HB 8+, chances are you don’t need to go speed dating to find a date! I wanted to be able to get the hot girls that I could see all around me in this country. I even started experimenting with direct approach before I even knew such a thing existed (with good results but I didn’t persist – social programming is a tough thing to crack – I felt too awkward doing it) . Then I came across an article on The Game and had to get hold of a copy. Next thing I know, I discover the community and my eyes lit up. There are guys out there doing this?  As soon as I found out about the Badboy workshops, I knew they were for me.  It wasn’t a question of indirect versus direct – they just had a natural appeal.

It sounded like so much fun that even if you didn’t get the girl, you would still end up having a blast. So I signed up for the earliest one I could make, and before I knew it, the time had flown by and I was on my way to Amsterdam for the sole purpose of taking this workshop. Yes I was scared – reading about something doesn’t prepare you for the reality – but I since learned from Badboy that it wasn’t fear – it was adrenalin. He was right.

Day 1

We meet Badboy in a cafe. Within seconds we are high-fiving each other and laughing because he checks that we are here for the ‘Stand Up Comedy’workshop – this is our code to refer to the workshop to ensure no infiltration by agents from the Matrix. The point is that Badboy instantly puts you at ease. Indeed, the tone throughout the workshop is not one of instructor and students but of a close friend who is doing his best to help you out. You can’t help but come away with this feeling that he is on your side and he wants you to succeed.

Classroom:
>From the cafe we move to a spacious workshop room which is part of the university. This is good because we are going to do a lot of crazy things here. First off, each of the participants introduces himself, tells us briefly about his experience and what his sticking points are. We are  varied bunch, ranging in age from 19 to 42 and coming from 5 different continents. Badboy listens to each of us and gives us assurance that these problems are going to be fixed. Then we get stuck in.  We start off with some theory – why men and women are the way they are and why things are fucked up to prevent them from getting together. But this was not dry lecturing. It was humorous, interesting (often a complete revelation) and as we were to discover over the coming days, everything he says about men and women has practical and specific application.  Next comes some practical exercises. We start doing some word association games and then move on to role playing sarge situations. In many ways, this class begins to resemble more and more a class on improvisational acting.

It’s all about energy and being creative on the fly and it’s something that all of us can do. All of the exercises are filled with insights you never would have had just from reading about them. I’m not going to go into details but to give a tiny example; BB had one participant sit with alpha posture and then made the tiniest adjustment. Instantly, the guy went from cool, laid back and powerful to tense and unapproachable. This just demonstrated graphically the power of body language.

The sarge was broken down into a series of simple steps – and then BB would drill each one of us until we got it right. Making a mistake often meant doing 5 press ups. But the whole atmosphere was light-hearted and one of fun. No one had undue pressure brought to bear upon him or was made to feel inadequate. In fact, some guys, as soon as they realized they’d made a mistake, would automatically start doing press ups themselves!

Cafe & Clubs:
Finally, after 4 hours of class study, it’s time to hit the streets. BB
asks for 2 volunteers and he gets them. He tells them to go into the cafe and open a couple of sets before we meet up again for the night sarging. I laugh at the poor saps who volunteered which results in BB automatically ‘volunteering’ me as well. Me and my big mouth. The rest of the group breakup and go their own way for the evening. The 4 of us (we got another volunteer) are nervous and are talking about the right opener to use, which is just bullshit. Eventually, I pull the trigger with a lame opener which ends up causing the girls to laugh, but ‘boom’, my first set (3 girls) is open. Didn’t go anywhere as at this stage I was just dealing with approach anxiety. Grateful that I wasn’t immediately blown out and flushed with this ‘mini-success’, I hold it for a few minutes before ejecting. 

We meet up a few hours later ready to begin the night session. BB immediately starts sending each of us into sets, but giving us specific openers to use. No time to think, no time to get nervous – just go in and do. I approach 2 HBs (7 and and have to pull up a chair, inserting myself in between them (yes, we’ve even rehearsed pulling up the chair in the classroom and you know what – it pays off!). The cool thing is that BB  takes into account where we are and doesn’t push us too hard too early, which is just going to cause us to dig in our heels. The openers are natural e.g. ‘I’m new to Amsterdam. Can you tell me some good clubs to go to round here.’ and approach anxiety is less of an issue. Anyway, at this stage the mission is to hold the set for a few minutes before ejecting. No pressure, mission completed and I walk away with a smile on my face, thinking ‘I can do this!’Next, the group moves to De Kroon. Large bar with tables and chairs – and immediately BB is sending us in.

I get pushed into this one set on the phone sitting at a table alone. I tell her to hang up because I think she’s interesting and I want to get to know her. She tells me to hold on a second while she finishes her conversation. In the meantime, her HUUUGE boyfriend comes and sits down opposite her. I mumble something pathetic about a case of mistaken identity and eject gracefully, then BB and I are high-fiving, laughing our heads off. Next: – jealous girlfriend opener on a 2 set (7 and an Asian HB8) who are sitting down in armchairs. I plonk myself down on the arm of the Asian babe’s chair and am away. Hold the set for 30 minutes before ejecting. Confidence is building. Next: BB spots a pair of Indonesian girls in the corner at a table and gives me my opener. ‘You girls are beautiful.’ OK – this is tougher but in I go. I open HB7 and she immediately wants to shake my hand. I take it – I notice she has a camera and offer to take pictures (this is something BB teaches you to do – make use of the environment) and as soon as I’ve done that I ask HB7 to take a picture of myself and HB8 and then the next thing I know is I am sitting down sandwiched between these two hot babes who can’t be older than 18 and I have my arms around each of them. (I have never done anything like this before in my life! And I like it!) All is not smooth however – HB8 is starting to get pissed off and cockblocking me. I am losing HB7 and it is time to eject.  This is where you realize the value of a wingman.

We move to Paradiso, a club. The clientele are younger and the vibe grungier but you have to go where the honey is. Once again, BB is pushing us into sets. This is harder as the music is very loud and you have to shout to make yourself heard. Body language becomes even more vital in these circumstances. Memorable sets: BB opens by grabbing the hand of a passing HB7 and putting it in mine. I am away. After holding the set for a while I find out that she has a BF. Automatically I start BF destroyers – ‘You can’t really be in love.’ Blah blah blah but I’m still meeting resistance. Finally I ask for her number but she says she can’t. What’s funny is that I then took her by the arm and told her to go and look for her BF who is some where in the club but she won’t leave my side! She’s hanging round and doesn’t want to leave me. It’s like BB says: they are all sluts. Another set: ‘Hey didn’t I tread on your foot earlier? Let me make it up to you. Let’s get a drink.’ Then I’m taking HB7 by the hand up the stairs and she’s following. 

Moving the set around/target isolation is in progress but it gets fucked because she tells me there’s no bar upstairs and I take her to the real bar instead where I lose it in the crowd. (Duh! We can only learn from our mistakes.) Another set: I stop this 17 year old HB9 with ‘I think you’re beautiful.’

She’s open and you can see in her eyes that she’s waiting
to be swept off her feet. I’m just shocked that I’m talking to a girl so beautiful and so young and she’s not blowing me off. After a minute I can’t take it and I eject. Then I realize – the limitations are not outside – they are within. I have to give myself permission. I have to override my Matrix programming but it’s hard to defeat an enemy inside your own head.  The evening ends but I can’t sleep. I spend the night thinking up openers, excited about the possibilities ahead. Everything has changed.

Day 2

Classroom:
Yesterday we learned about attraction. Today we learned about rapport and what BB means by wide and deep rapport. This is something that’s been commented on before so I won’t repeat it. Suffice to say attraction alone will get you a phone number but without rapport, that number will likely become a flake. Ultimately, rapport comes down to telling stories. So many times in a sarge, I’ve come undone because I don’t know what to say anymore.  Then it degenerates into asking the girl questions to fill the silence.  Apart from turning seduction into interrogation, it’s effectively putting the responsibility of the seduction on the girl’s shoulders. You started this, so finish it! That means talking, that means telling stories, that means making girls feel. Making them feel means they get emotional and when they get emotional, you’ve got them.

So much of sarging is common sense and thinking out of the box. The students would come up with lots of ‘what ifs’ to fuck up the situation and BB would come up with a solution – not because he has memorized them all but because he has learned to make use of the environment and find the way out – something that is learnable. In fact, we even had exercises where we had to make use of props that happened to be lying around and weave them into the seduction. Wallets, chairs, dustbins – even a piano. Everybody had a go and the result was hilarious.What I noticed is that approaching and opening is becoming more and more natural to me. Even when on my own on the tram to and from my hotel I would do it. Girl on iPod. ‘What are you listening to? Prodigy? I looove the Prodigy. Their best album is blah blah blah.’ The chick ends up kinoing me! I am starting to think strategically. Girl with wedding band on the other side of the tram. She’s giving me what I think is a condemning look. (It’s all in your head!) Fuck it – I decide to open her.

Give my seat up to the nice old lady, puts me closer to target. ‘Do you guys wear your wedding rings on your right hand in this country?’ Set is open and I am away. This chick is married and she’s flirting with me!

Cafe & Clubs:
Showtime – I’m sent into a 3 set by BB with the opener ‘You girls are beautiful and I am going to get to know you’. So I did. Blonde HB8 was shocked at my straightforwardness (and also started fluttering her eyelashes). Set is open and bullshit is flowing effortlessly from my mouth.

All the classroom exercises are paying off. Hold the set for 15 minutes then time to eject. BB asks did I get a number. I said no so I get sent back into the set. Blonde HB8 has a BF and won’t give me her number (but I can tell she is just loving the interaction). I go back to BB. ‘Did you get the number?’ No and then I give my excuses. BB insists that I go back again and get the number. This sounds insane to me but I go back and ask brunette HB7.5 (who was the one I was really interested in the first place) for her number. The girls are killing themselves laughing and so am I. I am also having a great time. And … I walk away with the girl’s number! I’m now starting to get a glimpse of what is possible. The sets continued throughout the evening. This time I am holding the sets for much longer. BB and Stripped, the guest instructor, are always watching and giving feedback.

E.g. one blonde HB8/21 I was gaming who also happened to have a brain I managed to talk to for 45 minutes. Although I had excellent rapport I couldn’t get a number close. Stripped told me afterwards that my body language was so terrible it’s amazing I wasn’t blown out. (I was leaning in to make myself heard because of the noise.) Use the environment. Make them lean into you. Move the set around. This now made perfect sense. As a result I hadn’t created attraction and why kino wasn’t easy – I had put myself into the friend zone. Last set was HB8/24 identical twins! Stripped winged the other twin for me. Had attraction, rapport, lots of kino and held the set for close to an hour, talking about love, sex, relationships blah blah blah.  She said she found me interesting but no number close. Clearly I didn’t have sufficient trust – should have moved the set around to build this as well as get the energy up.

Day 3

Classroom:
We continued our role-playing drills, revising what we have already learned and now focusing on polishing the edges. These exercises are just incredibly helpful – it allows you to get the basics right in a low pressure environment, but it also means that they become hard-wired into your brain and you can go into the routine without thinking about them in a real sarging situation.

BB and Stripped would pay attention to any of your weaknesses that stood out and work at it till you got it right. Example – one guy was having a problem in projecting an alpha voice – one that was coming from deeper within as opposed to his throat. This guy was then worked on repeatedly with adjustments being made until he got it right.

Today we got the lowdown on the BB lifestyle. How to handle phone game, how to go on a date, what kind of dates, what women are looking for on and so on. The highlight was BB’s famous carpe diem speech. A moving experience.

Cafe & Clubs:
Not such a good evening for me. Maybe my energy wasn’t right (or maybe I needed to have the excuser kicked out of me). Got blown out of innumerable sets and wasn’t having the success I’d had on the previous nights. I was getting more and more dejected and feeling shitty about myself. What’s interesting is that BB was supportive (no bollocking or accusations of being an excuser). Instead I got told that the chicks had bad attitude around the places we sarged or that everyone has an off day. Then he sent me into another set. I just couldn’t do it anymore – and then I thought fuck it – I’m here to work on this so I’m going to work on this. I went back in and sarged the 2-set. HB7 was not having it but I persisted and soon she was starting to thaw out. Ejected after a few minutes as this was still too much hard work. But something had changed this time. I didn’t feel so bad. In fact, I now realized that getting negative reactions are part and parcel of the game. Also, I had come to realize that you can never really be blown out. Only you can decide when to eject. The power is with you, not with them. Most importantly, I had managed to get beyond the point of caring anymore. So I carried on sarging. There was a 4-set of American girls, with one of them giving me shit tests from hell. ‘Is this a pick up?’ ‘How old are you? You must be 30!’ (Big smile on this one.) One of them is even virtually pushing me off the couch but I’m hanging in there. The last one was memorable. I was sitting on the arm of HB7′s chair while she’s on the phone, continuing to game her regardless. She tells me she has a BF (that’s who she’s talking to on the phone) but is just LOVING the attention.  Eventually BF pitches up with a look of shock on his face while is girlfriend is just beaming. I just laugh my head off and then it’s time to eject.

Day 4 (Additional workshop day)

Street sarging!:
We meet up in a cafe ready to start the day’s activities. Sarging is starting to become addictive now and I open up a 3 set spontaneously on the table next to us – 1 HB8.5/20 and 2 guys, all on laptops working on some project or other. Approach, open, build rapport. All of it natural, no lines, no canned material. All spontaneous and I am dominating the set.  Didn’t know how quite to get the number from the hottie (turned out she was a Russian – I looove East European girls). BB tells me afterward that I should have swung her laptop round, opened up Word or something and typed ‘You’re beautiful. I want to meet you later. What’s your number?’, all while I continue talking to the guys. It creates an ‘our secret’ type of scenario. Brilliant! Why didn’t I think of that? Aarghh! Use the environment! We’ve trained for this! Next time.

Anyway, now we really hit the streets. I think it’s Kalver Straat, a narrow (and busy) pedestrian walkway near Dam Square. BB outlines how to do a street sarge. Most important is the body language you use when stopping the girl. As I was to find out, this is critical and makes ALL the difference.  Before BB corrected me, maybe about 30% of girls stopped on my approach.  After the correction, all my sets stopped without fail.

In many ways, street sarging was the hairiest of my experiences to date and the one I felt most trepidation about. In a club at least girls are expecting to be picked up. Day time is a different ball game altogether – but I think in the end I actually prefer it as there is absolutely no competition and the sheer directness of your approach always makes a huge impact if you do it right. BB gives us the ‘I’m looking for a present for my 13 year old niece’ opener and starts sending us in with interesting, surprising and hilarious results. One girl stopped by Shadow is with her parents though he doesn’t notice this at first – and the parents then actually start pushing the girl on him, saying she hasn’t got a boyfriend!

The passage way is narrow and we are spaced along its length so that we even manage to sarge the same girl twice – these chicks are all wondering who the hell are all these guys looking for presents for their nieces! I get some blow outs but I also stop a girl, read her palm in the middle of the street and end up getting her details. Success! The whole experience was a lot of fun.

At some stage I asked a girl ‘Can I ask you…’ to which she immediately said ‘No.’ Too late, I immediately remembered BB’s dictum:  ‘NEVER ask a girl for anything. The answer is always NO!’ Unfortunately BB heard me do this and it was time to do 5 press ups in the middle of the street. Making a mistake has never been so much fun! We move to Dam Square and now we really have space. In fact, BB would send me literally running to stop girls which also had the effect of pumping up my energy. Now, combined with the body language corrections I could stop all sets without fail. BB sends me in to stop a 2-set of 14 year old girls.

Open and immediately get kino with palm reading but didn’t know what to do after that as these girls are YOUNG. Advice from Stripped and I am sent back in there, stopping another set of hot 14 year old girls. Open, attraction, kino. HB9/14′s eyes are mesmerized by all of this as I’m palm reading and telling her about her future husband blah blah blah – I tried (Try? Do or do not. There is no try.) going for the instant date as they were going shopping. ‘Do you mind if I join you’ – they hesitated but said no. I didn’t push it. More advice from Stripped – I should have invited them along to help me out with buying a present instead – it’s less threatening. Makes perfect sense. There is so much to learn and one workshop is not enough.

It’s time to end proceedings. We walk off to a cafe across the square but BB sends me in for one more set. Lone wolf HB7.5/17 sitting on steps in the Square. I approach but this time I am feeling so confident that I play it for maximum effect. ‘You look interesting. I want to get to know you. Tell me about yourself.’ Held the set for about 15 minutes, good rapport (making her share my experiences), good kino, palm reading (could have won an Oscar for it), number close was a walk in the park. But what felt really good about this set was that I KNEW that I had just made this girl’s day.

The Aftermath

Seeing BB in action was worth it. I think the most important thing I learned on the workshop was when BB said that it’s all about controlling the frame of the situation. By that I mean having complete faith and confidence in yourself and not being fazed by anything the girl says or does. Even that’s not it. Maybe the best example I can think of is Don Juan de Marco. In that film, Johnny Depp’s character, who is originally judged as suffering from a delusion (he thinks he’s Don Juan), has such a strong frame that eventually even his psychiatrist is sucked into it. And here’s the bizarre part. By having such a strong frame, you actually make your belief a reality.

Sounds crazy and unbelievable – but it’s true. Actually, I still haven’t described it correctly. Watching BB, you can see how having the right frame can also put the girl into a trance. Reading about it is one thing. Seeing it for yourself is another.

Just an example of how powerful this stuff is. I’m sitting on a bench the day after the workshop enjoying some time in Amsterdam to myself. While I’m there I think to myself – might as well practise some alpha body language.

So I’m virtually sprawled over this bench, in the meantime talking to the guy on the bench next to me. (I talk to anyone and everyone now. In lines, on the tram, in cafes, wherever. It keeps approach anxiety at bay, I use a gazillion different natural openers for each situation and I get to practise my story-telling skills.) The next thing I know is, this HB7.5/24 sits down next to me. 5 minutes later she’s sharing her joint with me. 25 minutes later she has to go but not before giving me her card. I didn’t even ask for it!

Criticisms? I don’t really have any. BB clearly has a product that has
been honed and refined through experience. I could have wished to be pushed into more sets (I did about 45 over the entire workshop) but then I realized that the rate limiting step in this was not Badboy but me. The other criticism, which is not really a criticism is that 4 days is not enough. Yes, you pretty much get taught about 90% of the material that BB says is going to be covered but without the relevant experience, you can’t make use of it.

You therefore need to go, practise it, make some mistakes of your own and then get more light bulbs going off in your head. Aha! Now I know what BB is talking about. BB has been practising this for more years then there are days in the workshop. I would have liked to have gotten a kiss close but I realized that this is down to me and not BB and clearly I wasn’t ready for it at my current level of development. The upshot? I think I will need to get at least a few more months of solid practice in before signing up for the Advanced Individualized Workshop.

Look. This is not a panacea. You can’t expect to go in there an AFC and come out as Don Juan and Casanova rolled into one. What the whole BB experience has shown me is what is possible, how it’s done and most importantly, how I can do it myself, all in a way that feels 100% natural. As with all workshops of any kind, however, once you’ve left the environment here someone else is imposing the external discipline, you risk falling back to where you were before. This was a big concern of mine. Now that BB has gone and the buzz has worn off, will what I’ve learned stick? The next day I was walking the streets of Amsterdam and bump into a fellow workshop attendee. 

We go for a coffee before he catches a train back to Germany. And you know what? I realize I’m starting to think like a PUA. We walk in and I choose the table next to a 2-set. Halfway into my coffee I open up with a natural opener. I realize now that opening is really easy and the best cure for approach anxiety is action. A few minutes later we are both joining these two hotties at their table. A few minutes after that I’m reading the palm of the Russian HB8.5/17. Since then I’ve been visiting family in the States – not exactly the most conducive environment for an aspiring PUA (being with family, not being in Ameria that is). At one point though I couldn’t resist and had to open the HB7.5/24 on the bench next to me in Minneapolis.

Yep, works with American girls too. Have attraction, IOI’s, building rapport and… it’s time to eject as my 3 kids and ex-wife are approaching! Having said that I can see that I’ve become rusty in these last few weeks. It’ll be time to dust off the cobwebs again as soon as I’m back in South Africa.  Permanent and lasting change isn’t going to come from attending workshops.  It’s going to come from more of the same that got you in the workshop in the first place i.e. desire, discipline and not a small measure of balls. If this sounds like a lot of effort, it is. But it’s also a lot of fun. That’s where the life is.

I met a great bunch of guys (including my fellow students as well as workshop instructors), I had a great time, I had a life-altering experience.  BB is a great guy and you feel like he’s been your friend since you were kids. All in all, I have to say (and I’ve checked this with myself to make sure I’m not exaggerating)…

This is the best money I’ve ever spent. On anything. Ever.

I don’t know about the rest of you guys out there, but if I stopped to note down how much time I’ve spent thinking, talking and fantasizing about women I’m not having in my life, I’m sure it would consume almost half my waking hours. When I think about the amount of time, money and energy I’ve put into this, I feel sick. Even disgusted. What a waste! Not only does it sap your productivity but it ends up derailing your life. Ironically, I came on the workshop because I realized that there are other things in life besides women – therefore getting this sorted out meant that I could finally get on with the rest of my life. Which, after this workshop, is exactly what I intend to do. Carpe diem!