Casting The Movie: The Game

With the notion that Style’s upcoming tell-all book about the seduction community "The Game" as been optioned by Sony to be made into a movie, I thought it’d be fun to do throw out some casting ideas about what actors should portray certain people in the community.  So here is my dream list when it comes to the ultimate casting of the film.

Director:  Judd Apatow — The 40 Year Old Virgin
I gotta admit, I loved The 40 Year Old Virgin.  I think writer/director Judd Apatow really understands how guys think when it comes to women, and he could tell the story of The Game with a lot of honesty and heart.  Admittedly, this probably won’t happen, as the producers will undoubtedly get a woman to direct the feature as a way to deflect the criticism from all the fem-nazis about the movie being misogynistic.  But one can dream…

Style:  Cillian Murphey — Batman Begins, 28 Days Later
After seeing this guy in Batman Begins, I’m convinced he’s a really engaging actor who audiences can really love.  He really displayed a sense of intelligence and manipulation in that movie, while in others he can certainly show he has heart and feelings.  That’s why I think he’d be the perfect choice to play Style in the movie version.  He’s talented enough to make a character the audience could really like and enjoy.  Sure, he doesn’t look a thing like Style, but if you shave that guy’s head and have him say "Hey Man" at the beginning of every sentence, he’ll embody the character better than anyone else out there, guaranteed.

Mystery:  Johnny Depp — Pirates Of The Caribbean, lots of other stuff.
I might be going out on a limb here since any movie made based on The Game probably couldn’t afford Johnny Depp, but he has been known to "buck the system" before and take smaller roles in order to do quirky characters, and let’s face it, you don’t get quirkier than Mystery!  I think JD would take the time to research the character and do it right.  I can totally see him walking around in platform boots, fuzzy top hat, long black leather trenchcoat, goth make-up, and a wicked Canadian accent all the while talking about "Female Grouses" and "Backwards Merging."  In my mind, there is no better choice.

Tyler Durden:  Seth Green — Without a Paddle, The Italian Job
I’ve heard Tyler refer to himself many times as a Seth Green look alike, and he’s right!  Seth Green would totally be able to nail the character of Tyler Durden.  I mean, he’s short, like Tyler.  He’s got tall hair, like Tyler.  He can act really spastic, like Tyler.  He’s got a high-pitched squeaky voice, like Tyler.  In fact, he’s like Tyler in all respects, except in penis size, which Tyler claims we weighs in at 2 1/2 inches, so in that category Seth Green might have him beat.  But regardless of that, he’s the perfect choice!  You put this guy in a sk8ter boi jacket and some NuRock boots, and have him walk around asking everyone if they think David Bowie is hot, you’ve got the best Tyler impersonator this side of the globe.

Papa:  John Cho — Harold And Kumar Go To White Castle, American Pie
Who better to play a little asian guy than… a little asian guy!  John Cho is pretty much the only young asian actor I can think of who could nail the character of Papa.  I could see him walking around with Seth Green, trying to pick up women in his fast-talking lower-lip-biting style.  Of course, you have to have a Paris Hilton cameo just so you can see John approach her and strike out.  There also has to be a scene in the movie where John goes to his room and has ten "interns" sleeping on the floor doing all the slave labor for RSD.

Lisa:  Natalie Portman — Star Wars Prequels, ’nuff said.
Having met and hung out with Style’s girlfriend Lisa, I can tell she’d be a tough one to cast.  You need a real leading lady with a lot of wit, a good sense of humor, who’s also very pretty, all the while displaying that "I don’t give a fuck" rocker-chick attitude.  So after much thought, the only actress I could come up with is Natalie Portman.  I think she’s talented enough to display all those traits.  Plus, you factor the "She’s Darth Vader’s Girlfriend" coolness factor into the equation, you’ve got every wanna-be pick up artist loser’s fantasy rolled up into a nice, neat package for them to whack off to!  You can’t miss!  Though she probably would be too expensive to get for this movie, she has been known to do low budget fare before like she did in the film Garden State.

Juggler:  Owen Wilson — Wedding Crashers, Shanghai Noon
I can’t think of an actor who is better suited to the low-key, laid back style of Juggler than Owen Wilson.  He comes across as someone who’s really sweet and thoughtful, the kind of guy who takes life as it comes to him, so who better to play Juggler?  Not only that, but Owen Wilson would do a great job of showing the other side of the PUA spectrum, a great contrast to Johnny Depp’s Mystery.

David DeAngelo:  Pierce Brosnan — James Bond, 007
What better guy to embody Cocky/Funny than James Bond himself?  I could totally see Pierce Brosnan up on stage in some conference room, drawing on a flip chart with his black marker, and asking for "courtesy laughter" after every joke he says.  Throw a pair of glasses on the guy, he’ll even look like David DeAngelo!  But the best part of this is seeing his delivery of classic David D lines on women.  That alone would be worth the price of admission.

Some Random AFC:  Jon Heder — Napoleon Dynamite
Ever since I saw Napoleon Dynamite, I’ve been extremely impressed with Jon Heder.  I think he’s incredibly entertaining to watch, and personally, I can’t think of an actor better suited to play a typical AFC.  Can you imagine his character going to a workshop to learn how to pick up women?  He’d be the perfect guy!  We can see him going through his peacocking stage and all that fun stuff.  This would be the guy the audience gets to experience the teachings of all the pick-up gurus through.  He’ll be that guy who goes to every seminar and workshop.  Hopefully, by the end of the movie he’ll either have a girlfriend, or be selling his own ebook on some pick-up method he made up himself.

MINE’99:  Will Farrell — Anchorman, Old School
I think that there would be no one in the world who could better portray MINE’99 than the genius that is Will Farrell.  In my opinion, he could absolutely nail the attitude of an aging loser who makes his living off of trying to teach guys how to hypnotize women.  Can you imagine how funny it would be to see him running hypnotic patterns on women?  Or better yet, him trying to teach other guys how to run hypnotic patterns?  It would simply be too funny for words!  Not only that, but to watch Will Farrell flip out as MINE’99 does whenever someone calls him a fraud would be priceless.  I’m sure the add libs alone would make this movie one worth watching!  Of course, we have to have a scene where we see Will Farrel doing Yoga.

Thundercat:  The Rock — The Rundown, Walking Tall
Since I’ve always pictured myself as a half-black, half-Samoan pro wrestler-turned actor, I can’t think of anyone more appropriate to play me than The Rock.  Sure, I’m not really IN the book, but should I be deemed worthy to be in the movie, there should be a scene where the Rock sits down at his computer and writes up something true and ultimately disparaging about MINE’99 on his blog, so we can see the appropriate follow-up scene of Will Farrell melting down and calling The Rock nasty names and making fun of his dad.  Then at the end of the movie, the Rock can give Will Farrell the People’s Elbow during the credits. (hey, this is my dream list, I can cast who I want!!!)

Okay, so that’s my list.  What’s yours?  Share it in the comments.