How Not To Be Dependant On One Woman

August 29, 2005 by Thundercat
Filed under Tips & Tricks

n3rv1 has one hell of a post over on mASF about something he calls "Dependancy." We all know how sometimes a guy can get hung up on that "one special girl," and when that happens, he ignores all other possibilities with women only to eventually find out that the girl of his desire just wants to be "friends." Well, n3rv1 offers a solution to that predicament…

n3rv1 writes:
Variation.

I’m not a drug councelor or anywhere near an expert on the issue, so what I mean by "dependency" is a subtle kind of mental weakness that keeps a guy from doing things out of the ordinary, like, say, having sex with different women.

As I see it, dependency keeps a guy in his comfort zone. This is a big issue. He learns to depend on circumstances being familiar. His system can’t cope unless he is "in his element," so to speak. This inability to cope with new situations will, over time, translate into an unwillingness to ACT outside of the boundaries of what’s known and predictable.

This unwillingness to act is what I mean by "dependency."

The best cure for this is VARIATION in all senses of the meaning.

Mix it up. Keep things fresh. Engage everything. These words are purposely ambiguous.

Hovering over insignifcant details shouldn’t be allowed. Sticking to one train of thought for too long should become UNCOMFORTABLE. "New" things should no longer be seen as
"new," but "natural."

I seriously think this issue and explanation is multi-applicable. I think it has to do with PU, sexual activity, probably even drug/substance use, feelings of motivation, happiness, and a whole lot of other shit that I can’t explain.

Personal, REAL LIFE examples of how I try to keep things in variation include, but are in no way limited to:

Physical Activities: Obviously sex, lifting weights, playing frisbee golf, swimming, canoeing, hiking, camping, biking, fishing, cooking outdoors, playing drums, painting, working two part-time jobs instead of one full-time job, walking as transportation, doing weird shit, etc.

Mental Activities: #1 MOST IMPORTANT: TALKING TO STRANGERS (there’s no better mental exercise for me than having quick connections with random people — it’s a dual exercise in wit and empathy, it’s not PU, it’s nothing that takes EFFORT, it’s just an overall openness and compassion for other human beings), listening to as wide a variety of music as possible, reading (philosophy, art, comparative mythology, great literary works, science magazines, psychology, PU, current affairs, history, comic books, etc) writing(***PU JOURNAL*** –> key item: keeping track of approaches and random interactions I’ve had throughout the day keeps positive experiences in my conscious sphere, making it easier for me to project positive friendly-guy vibes}, interesting-event journal, dream journal, keeping track of upcoming events, creative writing, mASF, written correspondence, chat, random thoughts jotted down on post-it notes, etc), watching movies and TV (which I don’t get enough of — with no cable access and a budget too tight for rentals or high-speed internet I’m kind of out of touch with pop culture)

The main point I’m trying to make is that it is possible to INGRAIN VARIETY into your behavior and lifestyle, not in a drastic, earth-shattering way, but in MANY realistic, subtle, yet impactful ways.

I wholeheartedly agree with n3rv1′s assessment here. It’s really foolish to latch on to just ONE woman (at least until you’re married or in a relationship). You have to keep your options open and meet lots of women. This little tactic will really help you from getting your heart broken.

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