Dr. Neder on Beliefs
June 28, 2005 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Got an email from blog poster Handsom Man (who seems to have his own blog now, by the way =) who referenced an article written by Dr. Neder, of DYD fame, on Beliefs. So if you’re looking for some good info on Inner Game stuff, check it out by reading on below…
Update!
Just got this email from the good doctor himself…
Dr. Neder writes:
Hello ThunderCat!I appreciate you
posting my article on your site. However I’d like to point out just a few
discrepancies:1) I’m not of "DYD"
fame. I’ve written two books, recorded CD’s, written hundreds of articles, done
hundreds of TV and radio appearances, all under "Being a Man in a Woman’s
World". Perhaps you could correct that?2) I post articles
free of use (a new one each week by the way if you’re interested), and ask only
that you always include the following byline with them (at the end of the
article):————
Have a love, dating,
relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me
at dwneder@beingaman.com for answers.
For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman’s World" (volumes I
& II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion
group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman. Copyright (c) 2005,
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
————
Dr. Dennis Neder’s Post on Beliefs
This is an interesting question with an even more interesting answer.
One
of the most popular forms of psychotherapy involves helping the client
change their belief system in order to deal with situations in
different ways. I have actually been working on a new method that is
more direct. I won’t go into all of this here as it’s far too
complicated and involved for the subject. However, here are some basic
steps you can use right now in order to begin this process:
1) Start with the end in mind.
In
other words, what outcome do you want? It’s not enough to simply say "I
want to meet chicks." Instead, you have to be very specific here and do
the same type of work you’d do with your goals. You can say something
like, "I will [note the positive, present tense in the statement] meet
5 women that fit my type in the next 30 days." You also have to
determine your "type" which you will from BAM1.
2) Visualize how your life will be different when you’ve reached your goal.
Can
you imagine what changes will occur in your life when you’ve
accomplished this? You absolutely must! Try to picture the positive
feelings of having 5 women’s numbers that want you to call them.
Imagine the calmness you’ll feel in relieving the tension from your
goal. By setting a goal like this, you create tension. That’s
important. By reaching it, you relieve this tension. That’s important
too. Work on imagining how you’ll feel, how things will look and even
how the world sounds when you’ve accomplished your goal! Focus on the
fact that you’re changing fundamentally simply in reaching your goal.
It’s that very change that’s critical. Once you change, you’ll never go
back to being the way you were before.
3) Turn up these feelings.
It’s
not enough to simply say, "Ok, I feel this way – that’s nice." You now
need to amplify them and feel them throughout your body. You need to
visualize the positive impact of reaching your goal and actually enjoy
the success – even though you haven’t yet reached it. Continue to do
this at least twice every day for the next week. More often and longer
is even better.
Think of this as a reward for having set the
goal in the first place. Reward yourself by imaging all the good things
you deserve as having already come to you and think deeply of the
person you’ll become through it. Don’t just feel good about the goal,
feel good about whom you’ve become in reaching the goal. The difference
is critical.
4) Project those feelings into action.
Before
you set out to actually accomplish your goal, "project forward" into
time that feeling of accomplishment. Get excited about achieving that
first (or next) step along your way. Actually see [through your own
eyes] that experience of accomplishing the first step. Imagine how
confident and centered you’ll feel because you’ve done it. Then, get
excited about the next step. Use the feelings of excitement to create
enthusiasm in your goal and continue to spur you on.
5) Continue to act until you reach your goal.
Don’t
give up. Continue your actions until you reach your goals. Give
concerted effort to accomplishing them, but don’t beat your head
against a wall. If your plans don’t help you get where you want to go,
then find new plans. Write your goals in concrete – they are never
changing; but write your plans in sand. The methods you use to
accomplish your goals aren’t important. Accomplishing them is!
6) Reward yourself for each accomplishment – even small ones.
These
rewards don’t have to be huge but they should have meaning. In other
words, it’s ok to tell yourself, "Good job!" and to feel that reward.
Likewise, as you continue along in accomplishing your goals, it’s ok -
and even good – to reward yourself in other ways too.
7) Don’t fail to set your next goal before you’re finished with the first!
This
is important. If you don’t set the next goal and try to ride the high
of accomplishing the first, you’ll never get very far. You want to
constantly be moving in the direction of your bigger, more important
goals by setting smaller ones short-term. Each step along the way gets
you closer to your big goals, but you need to see the next step before
you get to the end of the current one. In effect, these smaller goals
overlap into accomplishing your bigger goals. Your bigger goals overlap
into accomplishing your ultimate goals, and finally your ultimate goals
overlap into accomplishing your life’s plan.
————
Have a love, dating,
relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me
at dwneder@beingaman.com for answers.
For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman’s World" (volumes I
& II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion
group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman. Copyright (c) 2005,
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
————
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A dangerous encounter with a territorial bison and the subsequent viral video were not what Rebecca Clark had in mind when she set out for Caprock Canyons State Park in early October 2022.
She had been so enamored with Texas’ third-largest state park on her first solo hiking and camping trip there a year earlier that she decided to go back for more. Roughly two hours by car from either Lubbock or the Panhandle city of Amarillo, Caprock attracts visitors with big blue skies, brown and green prairielands and rugged red-rock formations.
Caprock has another draw – its wild bison herd, about 350 strong in late 2022. But bison, the great symbolic animal of the Great Plains, weren’t on her radar. Until suddenly, they were.
The Texas resident recounted her experience with CNN’s Ed Lavandera, telling him that she came upon a herd while she was walking a trail back from Lake Theo.
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In her video, Clark can be heard saying, “Thank you, I appreciate it” as she passes the animals.
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You’re out for a hike, reveling in glorious nature. Suddenly, you spot a bear. And the bear has spotted you, too. Would you know what to do next?
Beth Pratt sure would.
She was once on the Old Gardiner Road Trail in Yellowstone National Park, enjoying her run in wild nature. Her reverie came to an end when she came upon a grizzly bear eating flowers.
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“And I walked slowly away and put some distance between us, and the encounter ended fine.”
When it comes to dealing with bears, Pratt does have a thing or two on almost all the rest of us, though.
She is the California regional executive director for the National Wildlife Federation, a job she’s had for more than 10 years. She worked in Yellowstone for several years – and once saw nine grizzlies in one day there.
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You can hear the enthusiasm in Pratt’s voice as she shares her bear bona fides and advice to make sure bear/human encounters are delightful, not dangerous.
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On their first flight together, Joel Atkinson and Shelley Atkinson couldn’t contain their excitement. They enthused to the flight attendants. They posed for photos. They told passengers via a pre-flight announcement.
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While many farmers might frown at the sight of these pests munching on their crops, Lee Ming-cheng, a third-generation tea farmer and maker, can’t hide the broad smile on his sun-kissed face.
This “green insect fog,” as locals call it, is a sign they’ll have a good harvest of Gui Fei Oolong (also known as Honey Flavor Dong Ding Oolong or Concubine Oolong), a special tea that’s prized for offering a hint of honey flavor.
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In China, people are hiring ‘climbing buddies’ for big money. The more attractive they are, the higher the price
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Wendy Chen decided to challenge herself by climbing Mount Tai, a well-known mountain in eastern China.
But there was one obstacle in her way: she couldn’t find a friend to join her for the five-hour trek.
Rather than forgo her plans, the 25-year-old hired a “climbing buddy,” a young man with extensive outdoor experience, to accompany and support her to the 5,000-foot peak.
Known in Chinese as “pei pa” (meaning “accompany to climb”), these are young Chinese men who join strangers on their journeys up popular mountains for a price. The trend has gained momentum this year, as hashtags related to “climbing buddy” have had over 100 million views on Chinese social media.
Young, athletic individuals, often university students or even military veterans, advertise themselves on social media platforms like Xiaohongshu and Douyin, with profiles featuring their height, fitness level and hiking experience. They usually charge between 200 to 600 yuan ($30 to $85) per trip.
During the climb, these “buddies” will do anything to distract their clients from feeling exhausted and push them to keep going: from singing, telling jokes, playing music, verbal encouragement, going so far as carrying their bags, holding their hands, and pulling them.
A day on the mountain
Chen and her climbing buddy’s adventure began at around 8:00 pm so she could arrive at the peak in time for the famous sunrise. After assessing her fitness level, her climbing buddy planned a moderate route and carried her backpack the whole way.
When they faced chilling winds at the peak, Chen’s climbing buddy rented a thick coat for her while directing her to a walled shelter.
At the moment the sun rose, Chen’s climbing buddy was already prepared with a national flag and other props so that she could take a memorable photo. Though she felt his photography skills still had room to improve, she rated her climbing buddy as “satisfactory.” The service cost her 350 yuan ($49).
Though Chen paid a typical price for a climbing buddy, she acknowledges that more good-looking buddies can command higher rates.
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Climbing buddies’ main customers tend to be single young women, but that’s slowly changing.
A video of a strong male university student carrying a three-year-old effortlessly up a steep mountain — while the toddler’s mother trailed far behind — went viral this summer.
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Which fashion item is as beloved by members of the royal family as it is by JLo? Or as relevant on the runways of 2024 as in the knitting catalogs of 1960? The answer is surprisingly festive. The Fair Isle knit, a two-stranded knitting tradition originating off the coast of Scotland, has been a wardrobe staple for well over 100 years — keeping everyone from 18th century fisherman to Mick Jagger warm.
In the last five years, luxury brands Ralph Lauren, Thom Browne, Chanel, Celine, Balenciaga, Raf Simons, Versace and Dries van Noten have all sent their renditions of the heritage knit down the catwalk. London-based designer Molly Goddard has even made the pattern something of an unofficial signature, making sure to pair a structured Fair Isle-style knit with a flouncy, tulle skirt in almost every collection.
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Taking its name from the island of Fair Isle — part of the Shetland archipelago about 100 miles off the northeastern coast of Scotland — the knitting technique first began in fisherman’s hats during the 18th and 19th century (our beloved sweaters came much later). The two strand pattern was not only artistic, but made the tall, conical shaped caps extra warm by doubling the textile mass. They often featured a knitted interior lining, too.
He thought the guy he met on vacation was just a fling. He turned out to be the love of his life
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Guillermo Barrantes relationship with Larry Mock was supposed to begin and end in Palm Springs.
It was a “casual, brief encounter.” A vacation dalliance that only lasted half a day.
“It was just so casual, so easily nothing could have happened from it,” Guillermo tells CNN Travel. “We could have walked away and just had our lives separate. But of course that didn’t happen, because it wasn’t meant to be that way. It was meant to be the way that it was. That it is.”
It all started in summer 2013. Guillermo – then in his early 40s – was on vacation in the California resort city of Palm Springs. He was in a phase of life where, he says, he was prioritizing himself, and wasn’t interested in long term romance.
“I thrived in being by myself, in traveling by myself, in having dinner by myself – I loved all of that so much,” says Guillermo, who lived in Boston, Massachusetts at the time.
“I wanted no commitment, I wanted no emotional entanglement of any kind. I wanted to have fun, get to know myself. And it was in that mode that I met Larry, when I wasn’t really looking.”
During the vacation in Palm Springs, Guillermo was staying at a friend’s apartment, and while the friend worked during the day, Guillermo passed his time at a “run-down, no-frills” resort a couple of blocks away.
“You could just pay for a day pass, they’d give you a towel, and you could be in the pool and use their bar,” he recalls.
One day, as he was walking the palm tree-lined streets to the resort, Guillermo swiped right on a guy on a dating app – Larry Mock, mid-40s, friendly smile. The two men exchanged a few messages back and forth. Larry said he was also on vacation in Palm Springs, staying in the resort Guillermo kept frequenting.
They arranged to meet there for a drink by the pool. Guillermo was looking forward to meeting Larry, expecting “some casual fun.”
Then, when Guillermo and Larry met, there was “chemistry” right away. Guillermo calls their connection “magnetic.”
“My impression of Larry: sexy, handsome and warm,” he recalls.
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‘A short and significant relationship’: How a piano in a pickup builds connections
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Dozens of internationally renowned recording artists give concerts in Vegas every year, but the musician who connects best with people might be a local troubadour who improvises on a piano in the back of his pickup.
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