Dr. Neder on Beliefs
June 28, 2005 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Got an email from blog poster Handsom Man (who seems to have his own blog now, by the way =) who referenced an article written by Dr. Neder, of DYD fame, on Beliefs. So if you’re looking for some good info on Inner Game stuff, check it out by reading on below…
Update!
Just got this email from the good doctor himself…
Dr. Neder writes:
Hello ThunderCat!I appreciate you
posting my article on your site. However I’d like to point out just a few
discrepancies:1) I’m not of "DYD"
fame. I’ve written two books, recorded CD’s, written hundreds of articles, done
hundreds of TV and radio appearances, all under "Being a Man in a Woman’s
World". Perhaps you could correct that?2) I post articles
free of use (a new one each week by the way if you’re interested), and ask only
that you always include the following byline with them (at the end of the
article):————
Have a love, dating,
relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me
at dwneder@beingaman.com for answers.
For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman’s World" (volumes I
& II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion
group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman. Copyright (c) 2005,
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
————
Dr. Dennis Neder’s Post on Beliefs
This is an interesting question with an even more interesting answer.
One
of the most popular forms of psychotherapy involves helping the client
change their belief system in order to deal with situations in
different ways. I have actually been working on a new method that is
more direct. I won’t go into all of this here as it’s far too
complicated and involved for the subject. However, here are some basic
steps you can use right now in order to begin this process:
1) Start with the end in mind.
In
other words, what outcome do you want? It’s not enough to simply say "I
want to meet chicks." Instead, you have to be very specific here and do
the same type of work you’d do with your goals. You can say something
like, "I will [note the positive, present tense in the statement] meet
5 women that fit my type in the next 30 days." You also have to
determine your "type" which you will from BAM1.
2) Visualize how your life will be different when you’ve reached your goal.
Can
you imagine what changes will occur in your life when you’ve
accomplished this? You absolutely must! Try to picture the positive
feelings of having 5 women’s numbers that want you to call them.
Imagine the calmness you’ll feel in relieving the tension from your
goal. By setting a goal like this, you create tension. That’s
important. By reaching it, you relieve this tension. That’s important
too. Work on imagining how you’ll feel, how things will look and even
how the world sounds when you’ve accomplished your goal! Focus on the
fact that you’re changing fundamentally simply in reaching your goal.
It’s that very change that’s critical. Once you change, you’ll never go
back to being the way you were before.
3) Turn up these feelings.
It’s
not enough to simply say, "Ok, I feel this way – that’s nice." You now
need to amplify them and feel them throughout your body. You need to
visualize the positive impact of reaching your goal and actually enjoy
the success – even though you haven’t yet reached it. Continue to do
this at least twice every day for the next week. More often and longer
is even better.
Think of this as a reward for having set the
goal in the first place. Reward yourself by imaging all the good things
you deserve as having already come to you and think deeply of the
person you’ll become through it. Don’t just feel good about the goal,
feel good about whom you’ve become in reaching the goal. The difference
is critical.
4) Project those feelings into action.
Before
you set out to actually accomplish your goal, "project forward" into
time that feeling of accomplishment. Get excited about achieving that
first (or next) step along your way. Actually see [through your own
eyes] that experience of accomplishing the first step. Imagine how
confident and centered you’ll feel because you’ve done it. Then, get
excited about the next step. Use the feelings of excitement to create
enthusiasm in your goal and continue to spur you on.
5) Continue to act until you reach your goal.
Don’t
give up. Continue your actions until you reach your goals. Give
concerted effort to accomplishing them, but don’t beat your head
against a wall. If your plans don’t help you get where you want to go,
then find new plans. Write your goals in concrete – they are never
changing; but write your plans in sand. The methods you use to
accomplish your goals aren’t important. Accomplishing them is!
6) Reward yourself for each accomplishment – even small ones.
These
rewards don’t have to be huge but they should have meaning. In other
words, it’s ok to tell yourself, "Good job!" and to feel that reward.
Likewise, as you continue along in accomplishing your goals, it’s ok -
and even good – to reward yourself in other ways too.
7) Don’t fail to set your next goal before you’re finished with the first!
This
is important. If you don’t set the next goal and try to ride the high
of accomplishing the first, you’ll never get very far. You want to
constantly be moving in the direction of your bigger, more important
goals by setting smaller ones short-term. Each step along the way gets
you closer to your big goals, but you need to see the next step before
you get to the end of the current one. In effect, these smaller goals
overlap into accomplishing your bigger goals. Your bigger goals overlap
into accomplishing your ultimate goals, and finally your ultimate goals
overlap into accomplishing your life’s plan.
————
Have a love, dating,
relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me
at dwneder@beingaman.com for answers.
For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman’s World" (volumes I
& II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion
group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman. Copyright (c) 2005,
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
————
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Actress Gemma Arterton says director tried to pressure her to do sex scene
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British actress Gemma Arterton has revealed that a director once tried to put pressure on her to film a sex scene, despite the fact that it wasn’t included in the script.
In an interview with British publication the Radio Times, released Tuesday, Arterton said that, whilst on set, the director – who hasn’t been named – instructed her and her co-star to film a sex scene on a bed.
“I said, ‘No, this scene was written for us to be off screen, so you just hear the noises,’” Arterton told the Radio Times. “I’d never have accepted the role if it was going to be filmed.”
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The actress said that she was pressured by the director to film the scene, but that she “flat out” refused to take part in it.
Had she been younger at the time, Arterton suggested that she might have been more concerned about being fired for refusing to film it.
“I only felt like I could say that because I was older,” she said.
“When I started acting, there was a lot of nudity – you were just expected to do it. When I was younger I played sexy characters, the girlfriend. As I’ve got older, that’s changed because I’m more successful and can choose the parts I want to play,” she said.
She praised the use of intimacy coordinators in film and television since the #MeToo movement, telling the magazine that “it’s a totally different landscape” now.
“Anything you’re not comfortable with is not going to happen. I’ve heard other actors that are like, ‘I loved it when there was no intimacy coordinator,’ but I definitely think it’s better,” she said.
Long-lost copy of the US Constitution, found in North Carolina filing cabinet, heads to auction
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Historical document appraiser and collector Seth Kaller spreads a broad sheet of paper across a desk. It’s in good enough condition that he can handle it, carefully, with clean, bare hands. There are just a few creases and tiny discolorations, even though it’s just a few weeks shy of 237 years old and has spent who knows how long inside a filing cabinet in North Carolina.
At the top of the first page are familiar words but in regular type instead of the sweeping Gothic script we’re used to seeing: “WE, the People …”
And the people will get a chance to bid for this copy of the US Constitution — the only of its type thought to be in private hands — at a sale by Brunk Auctions on Sept. 28 in Asheville, North Carolina.
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The minimum bid for the auction of $1 million has already been made. There is no minimum price that must be reached.
This copy was printed after the Constitutional Convention finished drafting the proposed framework of the nation’s government in 1787 and sent it to the Congress of the ineffective first American government under the Articles of Confederation, requesting they send it to the states to be ratified by the people.
It’s one of about 100 copies printed by the secretary of that Congress, Charles Thomson. Just eight are known to still exist and the other seven are publicly owned.
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The pandemic’s effects on teenagers were profound — numerous studies have documented reports of issues with their mental health, social lives and more.
Now, a new study suggests those phenomena caused some adolescents’ brains to age much faster than they normally would — 4.2 years faster in girls and 1.4 years faster in boys on average, according to the study published Monday in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.
By being the first to contribute details on aging differences by sex, the study adds to the existing body of knowledge provided by two previous studies on the Covid-19 pandemic and accelerated brain aging among adolescents.
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“The findings are an important wake-up call about the fragility of the teenage brain,” said senior study author Dr. Patricia K. Kuhl, the Bezos Family Foundation Endowed Chair in Early Childhood Learning and codirector of the Institute for Learning and Brain Sciences at the University of Washington in Seattle, via email. “Teens need our support now more than ever.”
Significant socioemotional development occurs during adolescence, along with substantial changes to brain structure and function. The thickness of the cerebral cortex naturally peaks during childhood, steadily decreases throughout adolescence and continues to decrease through one’s lifespan, the authors wrote.
The researchers originally intended to track ordinary adolescent brain development over time, starting with MRIs the authors conducted on participants’ brains in 2018. They planned to follow up with them for another scan in 2020.
The pandemic delayed the second MRI by three to four years — when the 130 participants based in Washington state were between ages 12 and 20. The authors excluded adolescents who had been diagnosed with a developmental or psychiatric disorder or who were taking psychotropic medications.
Meet the artist transforming tennis balls into furniture
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In the last two years, tennis has taken over our closets (court-appropriate garb can be found everywhere from Skims to Miu Miu), our screens (who could forget Zendaya’s turn as the tennis protoge-turned-elite-coach Tashi Duncan in “Challengers”) and now — our living rooms.
At least that is the hope of Belgian eco-designer Mathilde Wittock, who fashions bespoke furniture from discarded tennis balls. Wittock’s sleek, modernist chaise longues are entirely cushionless — save for the padding of 500 precisely arranged tennis balls. Her one meter-long benches are similarly sparse, with some 270 balls being both stylish and structurally substantial.
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“It takes around 24 different manufacturing steps to (make) a tennis ball, which is around five days. Then it has such a short lifespan,” Wittock told CNN in a video call from Brussels. “I was looking into tennis balls because I played tennis myself, so I know there is a lot of waste.”
Around 300 million tennis balls are produced each year — and almost all of them end up in landfills, taking over 400 years to decompose. The US Open, which ended at the weekend, goes through around 70,000 each year, with Wimbledon not far behind at 55,000. Wittock estimates the lifecycle of a ball stands at just nine games, depending on the level of tennis being played. “Even if they are contained in their box, if the box has been opened the gas inside the tennis balls will be released over time,” she said. “(Eventually) they will get flat and you’ll have to throw them away.”
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Summary
Kamala Harris and Donald Trump have had a fiery 90-minute debate in Philadelphia – their first of the 2024 US presidential election
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After shaking hands – it was the first time they had met – the pair debated policy before moving onto more personal attacks
Harris said people leave Trump rallies early “out of exhaustion and boredom” – he said people don’t go to hers in the first place
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Trump criticised Harris’s record on immigration and the border, and also her shifting policy positions – Harris blamed him for “Trump abortion bans” and for the 6 January attacks on the US Capitol
Snap polls suggest Harris won the debate, but Trump says afterwards that she “lost very badly”
With the election taking place on 5 November, Harris is slightly ahead in national opinion polls – but polls are very tight in key battleground states
Shortly after the debate, Taylor Swift endorsed Harris on Instagram, calling her a ”gifted leader”
Summary
Kamala Harris and Donald Trump have had a fiery 90-minute debate in Philadelphia – their first of the 2024 US presidential election
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After shaking hands – it was the first time they had met – the pair debated policy before moving onto more personal attacks
Harris said people leave Trump rallies early “out of exhaustion and boredom” – he said people don’t go to hers in the first place
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Trump criticised Harris’s record on immigration and the border, and also her shifting policy positions – Harris blamed him for “Trump abortion bans” and for the 6 January attacks on the US Capitol
Snap polls suggest Harris won the debate, but Trump says afterwards that she “lost very badly”
With the election taking place on 5 November, Harris is slightly ahead in national opinion polls – but polls are very tight in key battleground states
Shortly after the debate, Taylor Swift endorsed Harris on Instagram, calling her a ”gifted leader”
Summary
Kamala Harris and Donald Trump have had a fiery 90-minute debate in Philadelphia – their first of the 2024 US presidential election
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After shaking hands – it was the first time they had met – the pair debated policy before moving onto more personal attacks
Harris said people leave Trump rallies early “out of exhaustion and boredom” – he said people don’t go to hers in the first place
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Trump criticised Harris’s record on immigration and the border, and also her shifting policy positions – Harris blamed him for “Trump abortion bans” and for the 6 January attacks on the US Capitol
Snap polls suggest Harris won the debate, but Trump says afterwards that she “lost very badly”
With the election taking place on 5 November, Harris is slightly ahead in national opinion polls – but polls are very tight in key battleground states
Shortly after the debate, Taylor Swift endorsed Harris on Instagram, calling her a ”gifted leader”
Summary
Kamala Harris and Donald Trump have had a fiery 90-minute debate in Philadelphia – their first of the 2024 US presidential election
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After shaking hands – it was the first time they had met – the pair debated policy before moving onto more personal attacks
Harris said people leave Trump rallies early “out of exhaustion and boredom” – he said people don’t go to hers in the first place
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Trump criticised Harris’s record on immigration and the border, and also her shifting policy positions – Harris blamed him for “Trump abortion bans” and for the 6 January attacks on the US Capitol
Snap polls suggest Harris won the debate, but Trump says afterwards that she “lost very badly”
With the election taking place on 5 November, Harris is slightly ahead in national opinion polls – but polls are very tight in key battleground states
Shortly after the debate, Taylor Swift endorsed Harris on Instagram, calling her a ”gifted leader”
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Elon Musk was star guest this year at an annual conference organized by Italian PM Giorgia Meloni’s Brothers of Italy party.
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He arrived against the backdrop of an ice-skating rink and an ancient castle in Rome with one of his 11 children to tout the value of procreation.
Italy has one of the lowest birth rates in the world, and Musk urged the crowd to “make more Italians to save Italy’s culture,” a particular focus of the Meloni government.
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Meloni has been a strong opponent of surrogacy, which is criminalized in Italy, but there was no mention of Musk’s own recent children born of surrogacy.
The owner of X (formerly called Twitter) was slightly rumpled with what could easily be argued the least stylish shoes in the mostly Italian crowd since Donald Trump’s often unkempt former top adviser Steve Bannon appeared at the conference in 2018.
Meloni sat in the front row taking photos of Musk, who she personally invited. Meloni founded the Atreju conference in 1998, named after a character in the 1984 film “The NeverEnding Story.”
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National Park calls out ‘world changing’ impact of dropped Cheetos bag
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Plain water is the only thing visitors are allowed to consume inside the huge cavern at Carlsbad Caverns National Park in New Mexico. Cheetos are a no-go, and the recent park visitor who dropped a bag full of them created a “huge impact” on the cave’s ecosystem, the park said Friday in a Facebook post.
“At the scale of human perspective, a spilled snack bag may seem trivial, but to the life of the cave it can be world changing,” the park said in its post about the garbage found off-trail in the Big Room.
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“The processed corn, softened by the humidity of the cave, formed the perfect environment to host microbial life and fungi. Cave crickets, mites, spiders and flies soon organize into a temporary food web, dispersing the nutrients to the surrounding cave and formations. Molds spread higher up the nearby surfaces, fruit, die and stink. And the cycle continues.”
The park said rangers spent 20 minutes carefully removing molds and foreign debris from surfaces inside the cave, noting that while some members of the ecosystem that rose from the snacks were cave-dwellers “many of the microbial life and molds are not.”
The post called that particular impact on the cave “completely avoidable,” contrasting it with the hard-to-prevent fine trails of lint left by each visitor.
“Great or small we all leave an impact wherever we go. Let us all leave the world a better place than we found it,” the post urged park goers.
The park’s website says that eating and drinking anything other than plain water attracts animals into the cavern.
Carlsbad Caverns followed up its post about the Cheetos bag with a post about the “leave no trace” principle of disposing of waste properly.
“Contrary to popular belief, the cave is NOT a big trash can,” the post said, yet rangers pick up waste left behind every day.
“Sometimes this can be a gum wrapper or a tissue, other times it can unfortunately mean human waste, spit, or chewing tobacco.” Visitors are asked to make sure they don’t leave trash in the cavern and to use designated restrooms.
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In a two-hour ceremony as quirky as the scientific achievements it was celebrating, audience members were welcomed to their seats by accordion music, before a safety briefing warned them not to “sit on anyone, unless you are a child,” not to “feed, chase or eat ducks” and to throw their paper airplane safely. There were two “paper airplane deluges” during the ceremony in which the audience attempted to throw their creations – safely – at a target in the middle of the stage.
Among those collecting their prizes was a Japanese research team led by Ryo Okabe and Takanori Takebe who discovered that mammals can breathe through their anuses. They say in their paper that this potentially offers an alternative way of getting oxygen into critically ill patients if ventilator and artificial lung supplies run low, like they did during the Covid-19 pandemic.
American psychologist B.F Skinner was posthumously awarded the peace prize for his work attempting to use pigeons to guide the flight path of missiles, while a European-wide research team was awarded the probability prize for conducting 350,757 experiments to demonstrate that a coin tends to land on the same side it started when it is flipped.
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Medical staff on the front line of the battle against mpox in eastern Democratic Republic of Congo have told the BBC they are desperate for vaccines to arrive so they can stem the rate of new infections.
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Mpox – formerly known as monkeypox – is a highly contagious disease and has killed at least 635 people in DR Congo this year.
Even though 200,000 vaccines, donated by the European Commission, were flown into the capital, Kinshasa, last week, they are yet to be transported across this vast country – and it could be several weeks before they reach South Kivu.
“We’ve learned from social media that the vaccine is already available,” Emmanuel Fikiri, a nurse working at the clinic that has been turned into a specialist centre to tackle the virus, told the BBC.
He said this was the first time he had treated patients with mpox and every day he feared catching it and passing it on to his own children – aged seven, five and one.
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The reason it will take time to transport the vaccines is that they need to be stored at a precise temperature – below freezing – to maintain their potency, plus they need to be sent to rural areas of South Kivu, like Kamituga, Kavumu and Lwiro, where the outbreak is rife.
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At the community clinic, Dr Pacifique Karanzo appeared fatigued and downbeat having been rushed off his feet all morning.
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Mpox – formerly known as monkeypox – is a highly contagious disease and has killed at least 635 people in DR Congo this year.
Even though 200,000 vaccines, donated by the European Commission, were flown into the capital, Kinshasa, last week, they are yet to be transported across this vast country – and it could be several weeks before they reach South Kivu.
“We’ve learned from social media that the vaccine is already available,” Emmanuel Fikiri, a nurse working at the clinic that has been turned into a specialist centre to tackle the virus, told the BBC.
He said this was the first time he had treated patients with mpox and every day he feared catching it and passing it on to his own children – aged seven, five and one.
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The reason it will take time to transport the vaccines is that they need to be stored at a precise temperature – below freezing – to maintain their potency, plus they need to be sent to rural areas of South Kivu, like Kamituga, Kavumu and Lwiro, where the outbreak is rife.
The lack of infrastructure and bad roads mean that helicopters could possibly be used to drop some of the vaccines, which will further drive up costs in a country that is already struggling financially.
At the community clinic, Dr Pacifique Karanzo appeared fatigued and downbeat having been rushed off his feet all morning.
Although he wore a face shield, I could see the sweat running down his face. He said he was saddened to see patients sharing beds.
“You will even see that the patients are sleeping on the floor,” he told me, clearly exasperated.
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Medical staff on the front line of the battle against mpox in eastern Democratic Republic of Congo have told the BBC they are desperate for vaccines to arrive so they can stem the rate of new infections.
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At a treatment centre in South Kivu province that the BBC visited in the epicentre of the outbreak, they say more patients are arriving every day – especially babies – and there is a shortage of essential equipment.
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Mpox – formerly known as monkeypox – is a highly contagious disease and has killed at least 635 people in DR Congo this year.
Even though 200,000 vaccines, donated by the European Commission, were flown into the capital, Kinshasa, last week, they are yet to be transported across this vast country – and it could be several weeks before they reach South Kivu.
“We’ve learned from social media that the vaccine is already available,” Emmanuel Fikiri, a nurse working at the clinic that has been turned into a specialist centre to tackle the virus, told the BBC.
He said this was the first time he had treated patients with mpox and every day he feared catching it and passing it on to his own children – aged seven, five and one.
“You saw how I touched the patients because that’s my job as a nurse. So, we’re asking the government to help us by first giving us the vaccines.”
The reason it will take time to transport the vaccines is that they need to be stored at a precise temperature – below freezing – to maintain their potency, plus they need to be sent to rural areas of South Kivu, like Kamituga, Kavumu and Lwiro, where the outbreak is rife.
The lack of infrastructure and bad roads mean that helicopters could possibly be used to drop some of the vaccines, which will further drive up costs in a country that is already struggling financially.
At the community clinic, Dr Pacifique Karanzo appeared fatigued and downbeat having been rushed off his feet all morning.
Although he wore a face shield, I could see the sweat running down his face. He said he was saddened to see patients sharing beds.
“You will even see that the patients are sleeping on the floor,” he told me, clearly exasperated.
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Medical staff on the front line of the battle against mpox in eastern Democratic Republic of Congo have told the BBC they are desperate for vaccines to arrive so they can stem the rate of new infections.
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At a treatment centre in South Kivu province that the BBC visited in the epicentre of the outbreak, they say more patients are arriving every day – especially babies – and there is a shortage of essential equipment.
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Mpox – formerly known as monkeypox – is a highly contagious disease and has killed at least 635 people in DR Congo this year.
Even though 200,000 vaccines, donated by the European Commission, were flown into the capital, Kinshasa, last week, they are yet to be transported across this vast country – and it could be several weeks before they reach South Kivu.
“We’ve learned from social media that the vaccine is already available,” Emmanuel Fikiri, a nurse working at the clinic that has been turned into a specialist centre to tackle the virus, told the BBC.
He said this was the first time he had treated patients with mpox and every day he feared catching it and passing it on to his own children – aged seven, five and one.
“You saw how I touched the patients because that’s my job as a nurse. So, we’re asking the government to help us by first giving us the vaccines.”
The reason it will take time to transport the vaccines is that they need to be stored at a precise temperature – below freezing – to maintain their potency, plus they need to be sent to rural areas of South Kivu, like Kamituga, Kavumu and Lwiro, where the outbreak is rife.
The lack of infrastructure and bad roads mean that helicopters could possibly be used to drop some of the vaccines, which will further drive up costs in a country that is already struggling financially.
At the community clinic, Dr Pacifique Karanzo appeared fatigued and downbeat having been rushed off his feet all morning.
Although he wore a face shield, I could see the sweat running down his face. He said he was saddened to see patients sharing beds.
“You will even see that the patients are sleeping on the floor,” he told me, clearly exasperated.
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