David Shade’s Manual, Vol. 1
June 9, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Interviewing for High Self-Esteem Women
By David Shade
www.davidshade.com
I specifically interview for high self-esteem women. The most comprehensive discussion on self-esteem I have seen is by Nathaniel Branden at nathanielbranden.net. He articulated it well when he wrote:
"Self-esteem is an experience. It is a particular way of experiencing the self. It is to move toward life rather than away from it; to move toward consciousness rather than away from it; to treat facts with respect rather than denial; and to operate self-responsibly rather than the opposite."
He defined self-esteem as "being competent to cope with the challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness. It is confidence in our ability to learn, make appropriate choices and decisions, and respond effectively to change. It is the experience that success, achievement, fulfillment, and happiness are right and natural for us. It is a consciousness to trust our self. It strives for rationality, coherence, clarity, and truth."
He defined six practices of a healthy self-esteem:
1) Living consciously: Respect for facts, open to new knowledge and feedback, and seeking to understand the world and ourselves.
2) Self-acceptance: Realism applied to self. The willingness to own, experience, and take responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and actions, without evasion, denial, or disowning.
3) Self-responsibility: Realizing that we are the author of our choices and actions; that each one of us is responsible for life and well being and for the attainment of our goals.
4) Self-assertiveness: Being authentic in our dealings with others; treating our values and persons with decent respect in social contexts; refusing to fake the reality of who we are or what we esteem in order to avoid disapproval; the willingness to stand up for ourselves and our ideas in appropriate ways in appropriate contexts.
5) Living purposefully: Identifying our short-term and long-term goals or purposes and the actions needed to attain them.
6) Integrity: Living with congruence between what we know, what we profess, and what we do; telling the truth, honoring our commitments, exemplifying in action the values we profess to admire.
"What all these have in common is respect for reality."
What we call high self-esteem and low self-esteem, Nathaniel Branden calls self-esteem and pseudo self-esteem. He defined pseudo self-esteem as: "trying to compensate for deficiencies; a pretense at a self-confidence and self-respect; the effort to protect self-esteem with denial and evasion, which only results in a further deterioration of self-esteem."
Pseudo self-esteem can be easily identified by: "the defensiveness with which insecure people may respond when their errors are pointed out, or the extraordinary feats of avoidance and self-deception people can exhibit with regard to gross acts of non-consciousness and irresponsibility, or the foolish and pathetic ways people sometimes try to prop up their egos by the wealth or prestige of their spouse, the make of their automobile, or the fame of their dress designer, or by the exclusiveness of their golf club."
Traits of pseudo self-esteem include: delusional, ignorance, denial, evasion, betrayal of consciousness or conviction, lack of integrity, grandiosity, fantasies of superiority, conceited (exaggerated opinion of oneself,) boasting, arrogance, and the victim mentality of blaming others. What all these have in common is the lack of respect for reality. But the biggest indicator is the angry denial of low self-esteem or the denial that self-esteem is significant or desirable.
I have found the following to be true of HSE women and LSE women:
LSE women are insecure and seek validation from men.
HSE women are secure in themselves and have nothing to prove.
LSE women have a bottomless pit of emotional need that can never be filled.
HSE women are self fulfilled.
LSE women will manipulate a man to make him meet her needs.
HSE women know exactly what they want in a man, and when they find one enjoy who he is.
LSE women are quick to obtain their man’s tokens of devotion, such as expensive gifts or immediately requiring a monogamous relationship.
HSE women are suspicious of expensive gifts early on, and do not decide that they want a relationship with the man until she gets to know him well.
LSE women would steal a man if it would give her affirmation.
HSE women are not at all interested in another woman’s man.
LSE women trade sex for attention and for verification that they are attractive and worthy.
For HSE women, sex is about sharing and celebrating sexuality.
LSE women respond to being treated poorly in an attempt to prove their worthiness.
HSE women expect to be treated well and respond only to that.
For a LSE woman, it’s not about the man, it’s about her own needs.
For a HSE woman, it’s about what her and her man enjoy together.
LSE women blame their problems on other people. They have the victim mentality.
HSE women assume personal responsibility for their own lot in life.
LSE women are motivated by moving away from bad.
HSE women are motivated by moving towards good.
LSE women must control others by manipulation.
HSE women see that as unhealthy.
LSE women are drama queens.
HSE women seek harmony.
LSE women have a warped sense of deservedness.
HSE women have a healthy sense of deservedness.
Self-esteem is formed early in life and takes years to develop. A woman’s biggest influence in her developing years are her parents, and it is her father that has the most important influence. It is through him that she acquires the ability, or lack of ability, to have an emotionally healthy relationship with men.
A woman who had a close relationship with her father when she was a little girl is what I call a ‘Daddy’s Girl.’ Her father was loving and caring. He believed in her and supported her. He taught her to be self reliant, independent, and to believe in herself. He may have even taught her how to throw a baseball or throw a punch. She thus grew up with a high self-esteem, a healthy relationship with men, and a good sense of deservedness. She is thus emotionally healthy and believes that she deserves to be treated well by men. Interestingly, she is also very skilled at influencing men and making a man feel emotionally close to her.
Her relationship with her father goes through stages. As a little girl, she loves him dearly and looks up to him. When the taboo instinct sets in at about age 14, she becomes independent from him and sees him as the biggest dork in the world. By the time she matures into the age of legal adult, she again adores him and cares about him dearly. But at any age, she always wants him to see her as innocent and pure, and she wants him to continue to be proud of her.
This is in contrast to another woman who had a condescending or absent father. Such a woman is incapable of forming a deep emotional bond with a man. She has a bottomless pit of emotional need that can never be filled. She believes that she deserves to be treated poorly by men, though she expects being showered with attention and material gifts. She is often spotted in the company of men that view women as objects.
Her relationship with her mother is also important. I have known daddy’s girls who had mothers that were total emotional basket cases and made very bad decisions for themselves. In those cases, the young women tend to make bad decisions for themselves. To a large extent, women tend to repeat the same successes or failures of their mothers. Such daddy’s girls display some of the typical traits of a daddy’s girl, but they make mistakes such as having no direction in life. The very best women are those who had two
good parents in a good relationship.
A Daddy’s Girl has a good sense of deservedness. Deservedness is what a woman believes she deserves for herself. She believes that she deserves to experience wonderful pleasure, and she believes that she deserves you. She will be your best ally. She will be routing for you.
The opposite is a bad sense of deservedness. (Note: everybody has A sense of deservedness.) An example of a bad sense of deservedness is a woman who stays with a controlling or abusive man. Therefore, one of the quickest ways to obtain much information about a woman is to note the men she
associates with. If the woman does not have a good sense of deservedness, you will be forever frustrated, your energy will be constantly drained, and the relationship is doomed. She cannot appreciate a good man when she’s got one. She will sabotage the relationship and eventually leave for some scum that she believes she deserves. If you aren’t a psychiatrist or a therapist, there’s not much you can do about it. And even then, it’s usually futile.
So, how do you specifically interview for high self-esteem? Don’t just ask her if she has high self-esteem. The low self-esteem women will insist that they do, and the high self-esteem women sometimes are modest about it. Instead, covertly look for the traits of high self-esteem. The first sign is if she has a hearty firm handshake and good eye contact. The most trustworthy sign of self-esteem is if she can take a compliment
well. But don’t ask her if she can take a compliment well, because all women will say they do. Instead, somewhere in the conversation, I will pay her a compliment and see how she responds. If she belittles the
compliment or down plays it, I know she has a low self-esteem. The compliment will tend to break rapport, as it should. But if she takes the compliment well, such as responding with a genuine "Thank you!" then it may be possible that she has a good self-esteem. The compliment will tend to increase rapport, which is what I want.
I will also get conversation to where we talk about past relationships. This gives me a very good idea about her sense of deservedness. I will listen for signs of how she was treated by her men. That describes how
she will be most comfortable. If she complains about how her men mistreated her, it is a very bad sign. But if all her men were very interested in her pleasure, then that is a very good sign. They are the women who will most appreciate, and best respond to me.
Then I will test for ‘Daddy’s Girl.’ Eventually in the conversation, I will say "You know, I bet that when you were a little girl, about 7, you had a very close relationship with your father." If she didn’t, it will tend
to break rapport, as it should. But if she did, then it always servers to increase rapport in a massive way. Usually she will ask why I say that, and I will go into my ‘Daddy’s girl’ theory. The Daddy’s Girls always love it. But the ones who were not Daddy’s Girls will go into a long illogical discourse attempting to explain why they nonetheless have a high self esteem.
There is a very simple formula for dealing with Daddy’s Girls: Do all the things her daddy did to her, plus all those things her daddy dreaded a man like you would do to her.
David Shade
http://www.davidshade.com
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The Australian city that became a global food and drink powerhouse
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Sydney or Melbourne? It’s the great Australian city debate, one which pits the commerce, business and money of Sydney against cultural, arts-loving, coffee-drinking Melbourne.
While picking one can be tricky, there’s no denying that Australia’s second city, home to 5.2 million people, has a charm all of its own.
Melburnians (never Melbournites) get to enjoy a place where nature is close by, urban delights are readily available and the food and drink scene isn’t just the best in Australia, but also one of the finest in the world.
There’s no better way to start a trip to Melbourne than with a proper cup of coffee. Coffee is serious stuff here, with no room for a weak, burnt or flavorless brew. The history of coffee in Melbourne goes back to the years after World War II, when Italian immigrants arrived and brought their machines with them.
Within 30 years, a thriving cafe scene had developed and, as the 21st century dawned, the city had become the epicenter of a new global coffee culture. The iconic Pellegrini’s on Bourke Street and Mario’s in the Fitzroy neighborhood are the best old-school hangouts, while Market Lane helped lead the way in bringing Melbourne’s modern-day coffee scene to the masses.
Kate Reid is the best person to speak with about Melbourne’s coffee obsession. The founder of Lune Croissanterie, she was once a Formula 1 design engineer and has brought her expertise and precision to crafting the world’s best croissant, as well as knowing how to brew a coffee, and specifically a flat white, just the way it should be.
“Good coffee is just ingrained in everyday culture for every single Melburnian now,” says Reid. “I think that that peak of pretentious specialty coffee has come and gone, and now it’s just come down to a level of a really high standard everywhere.”
That’s clear when she pours a flat white. Describing herself as a perfectionist, the way she froths the milk and tends to the cup is a sight to behold.
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冠天下娛樂城
2024 年熱門娛樂城與活動解析
冠天下娛樂城優惠，帶來無限樂趣
在 2024 年 4 月 16 日，冠天下娛樂城推出了全新的優惠活動，旨在為玩家帶來更大的獲利機會和更高的娛樂體驗。這些優惠活動包括多種存款獎勵、會員專屬回饋以及豐富的遊戲競賽獎金，吸引了大批玩家參與。
冠天下娛樂城以其高透明度和用戶友好的政策，已成為許多玩家的首選娛樂平台。不論是新手還是老手，都能在這裡找到適合自己的遊戲和活動。
LEO娛樂城無法登入引發市場恐慌
2024 年 11 月 29 日，LEO娛樂城因技術問題出現短暫無法登入的情況，引發了廣泛關注。許多玩家擔心這是否意味著九州娛樂城的營運出現問題。
九州娛樂集團隨後發佈官方聲明，強調這僅僅是系統升級過程中的短暫問題，並承諾玩家的資金和數據安全不受任何影響。同時，九州娛樂表示將加強伺服器穩定性，確保未來類似情況不再發生。
熱門 ZG 電子遊戲——熱舞森巴老虎機
2024 年 11 月 8 日，ZG 電子遊戲推出了熱舞森巴老虎機，這款遊戲迅速成為市場上的熱門選擇。以南美熱情的森巴舞為主題，遊戲畫面充滿色彩，搭配動感的音樂，為玩家帶來視覺與聽覺的雙重享受。
遊戲亮點：
高倍數獎勵機制：每次轉盤都有機會觸發高額獎金。
特色免費遊戲：連續獲得特殊圖案即可啟動多次免費轉盤，提高獲勝機率。
適合新手與高端玩家：簡單的玩法規則與豐富的策略選擇滿足不同層級玩家的需求。
ZG 電子遊戲致力於為玩家提供創新且有趣的遊戲體驗，熱舞森巴老虎機無疑是今年最值得嘗試的遊戲之一。
2024 世界棒球 12 強賽精彩回顧
2024 年 11 月，中華隊參加了世界棒球 12 強賽，這項全球頂尖棒球賽事吸引了來自多國的球隊和球迷參與。中華隊 28 人的名單以年輕選手和經驗豐富的老將為基礎，展現了團隊的競技實力。
比賽亮點：
精彩賽程：比賽期間，中華隊展現了堅強的防守和出色的打擊表現。
門票銷售：賽事門票迅速售罄，顯示出棒球在台灣的高度受歡迎程度。
線上直播：各大平台提供了高畫質直播，讓更多球迷能夠即時觀看比賽，感受棒球魅力。
世界棒球 12 強賽不僅是比賽，更是全台灣球迷的一場盛宴，展現了棒球作為國民運動的無限魅力。
結語
從娛樂城的優惠活動到全球性的棒球賽事，2024 年對於遊戲和體育愛好者來說充滿了亮點。不論是參與冠天下娛樂城的優惠，體驗 ZG 電子遊戲的最新老虎機，還是為中華隊的棒球比賽加油，這一年都是充滿精彩與期待的一年！
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In the photo, four young women walk arm in arm, smiling and laughing, on a beach promenade. They’re dressed in mini skirts and flip flops, and there’s what looks like a 1960s Ford Corsair in the background. This is clearly a snapshot from a bygone era, but there’s something about the picture — the womens’ expressions, their laughs — that captures a timeless and universal feeling of joy, youth and adventure.
For the four women in the photo, Marion Bamforth, Sue Morris, Carol Ansbro and Mary Helliwell, the picture is a firm favorite. Taken over 50 years ago on a group vacation to the English seaside town of Torquay, Devon, the photo’s since become symbolic of their now decades-long friendship. Whenever they see the picture, they’re transported back to the excitement of that first trip together.
“It’s always been our memory of Torquay,” Sue Morris tells CNN Travel. “The iconic photograph — which is why I got the idea of trying to recreate it.”
‘The iconic photograph’
Bamforth, Morris, Ansbro and Helliwell were 17 when the photo was taken, “by one of these roving photographers that used to roam the promenade and prey on tourists like us,” as Morris recalls it.
It was the summer of 1972 and the four high school classmates — who grew up in the city of Halifax, in the north of England — were staying in a rented caravan in coastal Devon, in southwest England. It was a week of laughs, staying out late, flirting with boys in fish and chip shops, sunburn, swapping clothes, sharing secrets and making memories by the seaside.
Fast forward to 2024 and Bamforth, Morris, Ansbro and Helliwell remain firm friends. They’ve been by each other’s sides as they’ve carved out careers, fallen in love, brought up families and gone through heartbreak and grief.
The Australian city that became a global food and drink powerhouse
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Sydney or Melbourne? It’s the great Australian city debate, one which pits the commerce, business and money of Sydney against cultural, arts-loving, coffee-drinking Melbourne.
While picking one can be tricky, there’s no denying that Australia’s second city, home to 5.2 million people, has a charm all of its own.
Melburnians (never Melbournites) get to enjoy a place where nature is close by, urban delights are readily available and the food and drink scene isn’t just the best in Australia, but also one of the finest in the world.
There’s no better way to start a trip to Melbourne than with a proper cup of coffee. Coffee is serious stuff here, with no room for a weak, burnt or flavorless brew. The history of coffee in Melbourne goes back to the years after World War II, when Italian immigrants arrived and brought their machines with them.
Within 30 years, a thriving cafe scene had developed and, as the 21st century dawned, the city had become the epicenter of a new global coffee culture. The iconic Pellegrini’s on Bourke Street and Mario’s in the Fitzroy neighborhood are the best old-school hangouts, while Market Lane helped lead the way in bringing Melbourne’s modern-day coffee scene to the masses.
Kate Reid is the best person to speak with about Melbourne’s coffee obsession. The founder of Lune Croissanterie, she was once a Formula 1 design engineer and has brought her expertise and precision to crafting the world’s best croissant, as well as knowing how to brew a coffee, and specifically a flat white, just the way it should be.
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That’s clear when she pours a flat white. Describing herself as a perfectionist, the way she froths the milk and tends to the cup is a sight to behold.
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You’ve come across a bison in the wild. It’s looking at you. Do you know what to do next?
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A dangerous encounter with a territorial bison and the subsequent viral video were not what Rebecca Clark had in mind when she set out for Caprock Canyons State Park in early October 2022.
She had been so enamored with Texas’ third-largest state park on her first solo hiking and camping trip there a year earlier that she decided to go back for more. Roughly two hours by car from either Lubbock or the Panhandle city of Amarillo, Caprock attracts visitors with big blue skies, brown and green prairielands and rugged red-rock formations.
Caprock has another draw – its wild bison herd, about 350 strong in late 2022. But bison, the great symbolic animal of the Great Plains, weren’t on her radar. Until suddenly, they were.
The Texas resident recounted her experience with CNN’s Ed Lavandera, telling him that she came upon a herd while she was walking a trail back from Lake Theo.
“I decided to just kind of wait for them to … get across the trail, and then I would pass them.” But they weren’t moving away fast enough for Clark. She said she decided to just walk by them – closer than the recommended safety distance. She was recording the moment on her smartphone.
In her video, Clark can be heard saying, “Thank you, I appreciate it” as she passes the animals.
Things got dangerous very quickly when one of the agitated bison took notice. “When I saw him turn, it’s like instantly I knew he was gonna come after me.”
And that’s exactly what the bison did. Once it charged, the large mammal was upon Clark within two seconds despite her frantic attempt to flee.
“It was so fast. He hit me in the back, rammed me, hooked me, then flipped me up and face forward into the mesquite bush.”
And there was Clark. Gored, bleeding and alone. How would she survive?
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How to survive a bear attack – or better yet, avoid one altogether
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You’re out for a hike, reveling in glorious nature. Suddenly, you spot a bear. And the bear has spotted you, too. Would you know what to do next?
Beth Pratt sure would.
She was once on the Old Gardiner Road Trail in Yellowstone National Park, enjoying her run in wild nature. Her reverie came to an end when she came upon a grizzly bear eating flowers.
“I stopped. It stood on its hind legs and looked at me. I knew that wasn’t a threatening gesture,” she told CNN Travel. “I’m not kidding, it waved its paw at me as if to say, ‘just go on your way,’ and went back to eating.”
“And I walked slowly away and put some distance between us, and the encounter ended fine.”
When it comes to dealing with bears, Pratt does have a thing or two on almost all the rest of us, though.
She is the California regional executive director for the National Wildlife Federation, a job she’s had for more than 10 years. She worked in Yellowstone for several years – and once saw nine grizzlies in one day there.
Finally, she lives on the border of Yosemite National Park, and bears will pass through her yard, including this one seen in the footage above in late September 2021.
You can hear the enthusiasm in Pratt’s voice as she shares her bear bona fides and advice to make sure bear/human encounters are delightful, not dangerous.
“A wild bear is a beautiful sight to see. It’s incredible to see them in the wild. I never had a bad experience with bears. What I try to get people to feel is respect, not fear, for bears. The animal usually wants to avoid the encounters.”
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