David Shade’s Manual, Vol. 1
June 9, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Interviewing for High Self-Esteem Women
By David Shade
www.davidshade.com
I specifically interview for high self-esteem women. The most comprehensive discussion on self-esteem I have seen is by Nathaniel Branden at nathanielbranden.net. He articulated it well when he wrote:
"Self-esteem is an experience. It is a particular way of experiencing the self. It is to move toward life rather than away from it; to move toward consciousness rather than away from it; to treat facts with respect rather than denial; and to operate self-responsibly rather than the opposite."
He defined self-esteem as "being competent to cope with the challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness. It is confidence in our ability to learn, make appropriate choices and decisions, and respond effectively to change. It is the experience that success, achievement, fulfillment, and happiness are right and natural for us. It is a consciousness to trust our self. It strives for rationality, coherence, clarity, and truth."
He defined six practices of a healthy self-esteem:
1) Living consciously: Respect for facts, open to new knowledge and feedback, and seeking to understand the world and ourselves.
2) Self-acceptance: Realism applied to self. The willingness to own, experience, and take responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and actions, without evasion, denial, or disowning.
3) Self-responsibility: Realizing that we are the author of our choices and actions; that each one of us is responsible for life and well being and for the attainment of our goals.
4) Self-assertiveness: Being authentic in our dealings with others; treating our values and persons with decent respect in social contexts; refusing to fake the reality of who we are or what we esteem in order to avoid disapproval; the willingness to stand up for ourselves and our ideas in appropriate ways in appropriate contexts.
5) Living purposefully: Identifying our short-term and long-term goals or purposes and the actions needed to attain them.
6) Integrity: Living with congruence between what we know, what we profess, and what we do; telling the truth, honoring our commitments, exemplifying in action the values we profess to admire.
"What all these have in common is respect for reality."
What we call high self-esteem and low self-esteem, Nathaniel Branden calls self-esteem and pseudo self-esteem. He defined pseudo self-esteem as: "trying to compensate for deficiencies; a pretense at a self-confidence and self-respect; the effort to protect self-esteem with denial and evasion, which only results in a further deterioration of self-esteem."
Pseudo self-esteem can be easily identified by: "the defensiveness with which insecure people may respond when their errors are pointed out, or the extraordinary feats of avoidance and self-deception people can exhibit with regard to gross acts of non-consciousness and irresponsibility, or the foolish and pathetic ways people sometimes try to prop up their egos by the wealth or prestige of their spouse, the make of their automobile, or the fame of their dress designer, or by the exclusiveness of their golf club."
Traits of pseudo self-esteem include: delusional, ignorance, denial, evasion, betrayal of consciousness or conviction, lack of integrity, grandiosity, fantasies of superiority, conceited (exaggerated opinion of oneself,) boasting, arrogance, and the victim mentality of blaming others. What all these have in common is the lack of respect for reality. But the biggest indicator is the angry denial of low self-esteem or the denial that self-esteem is significant or desirable.
I have found the following to be true of HSE women and LSE women:
LSE women are insecure and seek validation from men.
HSE women are secure in themselves and have nothing to prove.
LSE women have a bottomless pit of emotional need that can never be filled.
HSE women are self fulfilled.
LSE women will manipulate a man to make him meet her needs.
HSE women know exactly what they want in a man, and when they find one enjoy who he is.
LSE women are quick to obtain their man’s tokens of devotion, such as expensive gifts or immediately requiring a monogamous relationship.
HSE women are suspicious of expensive gifts early on, and do not decide that they want a relationship with the man until she gets to know him well.
LSE women would steal a man if it would give her affirmation.
HSE women are not at all interested in another woman’s man.
LSE women trade sex for attention and for verification that they are attractive and worthy.
For HSE women, sex is about sharing and celebrating sexuality.
LSE women respond to being treated poorly in an attempt to prove their worthiness.
HSE women expect to be treated well and respond only to that.
For a LSE woman, it’s not about the man, it’s about her own needs.
For a HSE woman, it’s about what her and her man enjoy together.
LSE women blame their problems on other people. They have the victim mentality.
HSE women assume personal responsibility for their own lot in life.
LSE women are motivated by moving away from bad.
HSE women are motivated by moving towards good.
LSE women must control others by manipulation.
HSE women see that as unhealthy.
LSE women are drama queens.
HSE women seek harmony.
LSE women have a warped sense of deservedness.
HSE women have a healthy sense of deservedness.
Self-esteem is formed early in life and takes years to develop. A woman’s biggest influence in her developing years are her parents, and it is her father that has the most important influence. It is through him that she acquires the ability, or lack of ability, to have an emotionally healthy relationship with men.
A woman who had a close relationship with her father when she was a little girl is what I call a ‘Daddy’s Girl.’ Her father was loving and caring. He believed in her and supported her. He taught her to be self reliant, independent, and to believe in herself. He may have even taught her how to throw a baseball or throw a punch. She thus grew up with a high self-esteem, a healthy relationship with men, and a good sense of deservedness. She is thus emotionally healthy and believes that she deserves to be treated well by men. Interestingly, she is also very skilled at influencing men and making a man feel emotionally close to her.
Her relationship with her father goes through stages. As a little girl, she loves him dearly and looks up to him. When the taboo instinct sets in at about age 14, she becomes independent from him and sees him as the biggest dork in the world. By the time she matures into the age of legal adult, she again adores him and cares about him dearly. But at any age, she always wants him to see her as innocent and pure, and she wants him to continue to be proud of her.
This is in contrast to another woman who had a condescending or absent father. Such a woman is incapable of forming a deep emotional bond with a man. She has a bottomless pit of emotional need that can never be filled. She believes that she deserves to be treated poorly by men, though she expects being showered with attention and material gifts. She is often spotted in the company of men that view women as objects.
Her relationship with her mother is also important. I have known daddy’s girls who had mothers that were total emotional basket cases and made very bad decisions for themselves. In those cases, the young women tend to make bad decisions for themselves. To a large extent, women tend to repeat the same successes or failures of their mothers. Such daddy’s girls display some of the typical traits of a daddy’s girl, but they make mistakes such as having no direction in life. The very best women are those who had two
good parents in a good relationship.
A Daddy’s Girl has a good sense of deservedness. Deservedness is what a woman believes she deserves for herself. She believes that she deserves to experience wonderful pleasure, and she believes that she deserves you. She will be your best ally. She will be routing for you.
The opposite is a bad sense of deservedness. (Note: everybody has A sense of deservedness.) An example of a bad sense of deservedness is a woman who stays with a controlling or abusive man. Therefore, one of the quickest ways to obtain much information about a woman is to note the men she
associates with. If the woman does not have a good sense of deservedness, you will be forever frustrated, your energy will be constantly drained, and the relationship is doomed. She cannot appreciate a good man when she’s got one. She will sabotage the relationship and eventually leave for some scum that she believes she deserves. If you aren’t a psychiatrist or a therapist, there’s not much you can do about it. And even then, it’s usually futile.
So, how do you specifically interview for high self-esteem? Don’t just ask her if she has high self-esteem. The low self-esteem women will insist that they do, and the high self-esteem women sometimes are modest about it. Instead, covertly look for the traits of high self-esteem. The first sign is if she has a hearty firm handshake and good eye contact. The most trustworthy sign of self-esteem is if she can take a compliment
well. But don’t ask her if she can take a compliment well, because all women will say they do. Instead, somewhere in the conversation, I will pay her a compliment and see how she responds. If she belittles the
compliment or down plays it, I know she has a low self-esteem. The compliment will tend to break rapport, as it should. But if she takes the compliment well, such as responding with a genuine "Thank you!" then it may be possible that she has a good self-esteem. The compliment will tend to increase rapport, which is what I want.
I will also get conversation to where we talk about past relationships. This gives me a very good idea about her sense of deservedness. I will listen for signs of how she was treated by her men. That describes how
she will be most comfortable. If she complains about how her men mistreated her, it is a very bad sign. But if all her men were very interested in her pleasure, then that is a very good sign. They are the women who will most appreciate, and best respond to me.
Then I will test for ‘Daddy’s Girl.’ Eventually in the conversation, I will say "You know, I bet that when you were a little girl, about 7, you had a very close relationship with your father." If she didn’t, it will tend
to break rapport, as it should. But if she did, then it always servers to increase rapport in a massive way. Usually she will ask why I say that, and I will go into my ‘Daddy’s girl’ theory. The Daddy’s Girls always love it. But the ones who were not Daddy’s Girls will go into a long illogical discourse attempting to explain why they nonetheless have a high self esteem.
There is a very simple formula for dealing with Daddy’s Girls: Do all the things her daddy did to her, plus all those things her daddy dreaded a man like you would do to her.
David Shade
http://www.davidshade.com
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The directives largely roll back efforts made over the last decade attempting to eradicate toxic culture in the military, both to decrease harmful behaviors like harassment, but also to meet practical needs of getting people in uniform and keeping them there longer as the military branches faced years of struggles filling the ranks.
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Many major reforms were described by the officials who implemented them as driven by that need; when former Defense Secretary Ash Carter opened up combat roles to women in 2015, he said the military “cannot afford to cut ourselves off from half the country’s talents and skills” if it wanted to succeed in national defense.
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And while the military had made changes in recent years in an attempt to lessen instances of harassment, discrimination or toxic leadership by creating reporting mechanisms so that troops would come forward, Hegseth said those efforts went too far and were undercutting commanders.
“The definition of ‘toxic’ has been turned upside down, and we’re correcting that,” Hegseth vowed on Tuesday, adding that the Defense Department would be undertaking a review of words like “hazing” and “bullying” which he said had been “weaponized.”
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The Oktoberfest beer festival in Munich will remain shut on Wednesday until at least 5 pm (1500 GMT) after police said they discovered explosives in a residential building in the north of the city that caught fire and left one person dead.
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As part of a major operation that police earlier said posed no danger to the public, special forces were investigating an area in the north of Munich where Bild newspaper and multiple other reports said shots and explosions had been heard.
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Police said the residential building had been deliberately set on fire in a family dispute and one person who was found there had died and another was missing, but not believed to be in danger.
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Special forces had to be brought in to defuse booby traps found in the building, according to police.
“We are currently investigating all possibilities. Possible connections to other locations in Munich are being examined, including the Theresienwiese (where the Oktoberfest is located),” said Munich police on the WhatsApp messaging service.
“For this reason, the opening of the festival grounds has been delayed,” police added.
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From beaches to golf courses: The world’s most unusual airport runways
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When it comes to travel, wherever you are in the world, some things never change. McDonald’s is always McDonald’s. A hotel lobby is always a hotel lobby. An inflight safety demonstration is always a safety demonstration, and an airport runway is an airport runway: a long, clean-lined strip of asphalt free of all external interference; a sterile environment that could be anywhere on the planet.
Or maybe not. Because when it comes to airport runways, once the safety side is taken care of, in a few parts of the world, things get a little inventive. Maybe you’ll land on a manmade island in the middle of the sea. Maybe you’ll wave at golfers on the 18-hole course between the two runways. Or maybe you’ll hit the beach faster than expected — by stepping off the airplane onto the sand.
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From runways you can drive across to weird and wonderful airport locations, here are 12 of our favorite out-there runways.
Barra Airport, Scotland (BRR)
If nothing comes between you and your beach break, then Barra, in Scotland’s Outer Hebrides, is your kind of airport. This is the only place in the world where the runway is on the beach itself.
Just one flight route operates here: Loganair’s 140-mile connection with Glasgow, using 19-seater de Havilland Canada DHC-6 Twin Otter aircraft. Pilots heading to Barra — an island just eight miles long — must line up and touch down on Traigh Mhor, a wide bay in the north of the island (if Barra is shaped like a turtle, Traigh Mhor is its neck), landing straight onto the sand. Flights must be timed with the tides to allow as much space to land and take off as possible.
Passengers walk across the beach to the terminal on the other side of the dunes, then get a last bit of sand underfoot as they board the aircraft for the flight back to the mainland. With these conditions, it’s little wonder that flights are canceled with a fair amount of regularity — so you may want to build in extra time before planning onward connections.
But even a delayed return is worth it for avgeeks. On this tiny plane, passengers experience the flight in close proximity to the pilots — when CNN took a spin on the flight in 2019, they could even see the pilot’s GPS instruments from their seat.
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Hong Kong International Airport (HKG)
In Hong Kong, the islet of Chek Lap Kok was massively extended to create an island big enough to house a major international airport.
In Hong Kong, the islet of Chek Lap Kok was massively extended to create an island big enough to house a major international airport. d3sign/Moment RF/Getty Images
For the busiest cargo airport in the world, you need space. Luckily, Hong Kong created an entire island for its airport which, when it opened, had the world’s largest passenger terminal, too. Built to replace its predecessor (a single runway in crowded Kowloon, which was notorious for its violent turns on take-off and landing), HKG sits over the original islet of Chek Lap Kok, which was quadrupled in size with reclaimed land to house the two-runway airport. President Bill Clinton was among the first foreigners to touch down after the airport opened in 1998.
Located next to Lantau Island, the airport has views for days — the sides of the terminals are largely glass, built to shatter (and therefore preserve the building) during potential typhoons. Even getting there is a treat — the 1.4-mile Tsing Ma bridge, which connects HKG to Ma Wan island, heading towards the city, debuted as the longest road-and-rail suspension bridge in the world.
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Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky condemned Russian attacks on the Ukrainian regions of Kharkiv, Zaporizhzhia and Sumy on Monday, saying that the Kremlin intends to “humiliate diplomatic efforts” just hours before European leaders visit the White House.
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“The Russian war machine continues to destroy lives despite everything,” Zelensky said in a statement, hours before he’s due to meet US President Donald Trump in the Oval Office. “That is precisely why we are seeking assistance to put an end to the killings. That is why reliable security guarantees are required. That is why Russia should not be rewarded for its participation in this war.”
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“Everyone seeks dignified peace and true security,” the Ukrainian president said. “And at this very moment, the Russians are attacking Kharkiv, Zaporizhzhia, the Sumy region, and Odesa, destroying residential buildings and our civilian infrastructure.”
At least seven people were killed in Russia’s attack? on Kharkiv and a further three killed in the ballistic missile strike on the city of Zaporizhzhia, with scores more injured, according to Ukrainian authorities.
“This was a demonstrative and cynical Russian strike,” Zelensky added.
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Astronomers first discovered Cha 1107-7626 in 2008, and since then, they have observed it with different telescopes to learn more about how the infant planet evolves, as well as to study its surroundings.
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The research team observed the planet with Webb in 2024, making a clear detection of the surrounding disk. Next, the researchers studied it using the X-shooter spectrograph on the Very Large Telescope, which can capture different wavelengths of light emitted by an object ranging from ultraviolet to near-infrared.
The observations detected a puzzling event as the planet transitioned from a steady accretion rate in April and May to a burst of growth between June and August.
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“I fully expected that this is a short-term event, because those are much more common,” Scholz said. “When the burst kept going through July and August, I was absolutely stunned.”
Follow-up observations made using the Webb telescope also showed that the chemistry of the disk had changed. Water vapor, present during the growth spurt, wasn’t in the disk before. Webb is the only telescope capable of capturing such detailed changes in the environment for such a faint object, Scholz said. Prior to this research, astronomers had only ever seen the chemistry of a disk change around a star, but not around a planet.
Comparing observations from before and during the event showed that magnetic activity seems to be the main driver behind how much gas and dust is falling on the planet — a phenomenon typically associated with stars as they grow.
But the new observations suggest that objects with much less mass than stars — the rogue world is less than 1% the mass of our sun — can have strong magnetic fields capable of driving the growth of the object, according to the study authors.
An infrared image taken with the Visible and Infrared Telescope for Astronomy shows Cha 1107-7626, a dot located in the center.
An infrared image taken with the Visible and Infrared Telescope for Astronomy shows Cha 1107-7626, a dot located in the center. ESO/Meingast et al.
A planet that acts like a star
The origin of rogue planets remains murky. It’s possible they are planets that are kicked out of orbit around stars due to the gravitational influence of other objects. Or perhaps they are the lowest-mass objects that happen to form like stars. For Cha 1107-7626, astronomers said they think it’s the latter.
“This object most likely formed in a way similar to stars — from the collapse and fragmentation of a molecular cloud,” Scholz said.
A molecular cloud is a massive, cold cloud of gas and dust that can stretch for hundreds of light-years, according to NASA.
“We’re struck by quite how much the infancy of free-floating planetary-mass objects resembles that of stars like the Sun,” Jayawardhana said in a statement. “Our new findings underscore that similarity, and imply that some objects comparable to giant planets form the way stars do, from contracting clouds of gas and dust accompanied by disks of their own, and they go through growth episodes just like newborn stars.”
Astronomers have observed a planet that in some ways behaves more like a star — including a massive growth spurt unlike anything witnessed before in a free-floating planet.
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The rogue planet, which does not orbit any star, is called Cha 1107-7626 and is outside of our solar system, 620 light-years from Earth in the Chamaeleon constellation. A single light-year, or the distance light travels in one year, is equal to 5.88 trillion miles (9.46 trillion kilometers).
The planet has a mass five to 10 times that of Jupiter, the largest planet in our solar system. And it’s getting bigger every second, according to new research published Thursday in The Astrophysical Journal Letters.
Estimated to be 1 million to 2 million years old, Cha 1107-7626 is still forming, said study coauthor Aleks Scholz, an astronomer at the University of St. Andrews in Scotland. It may sound old, but astronomically speaking, the planet is in its infancy. By contrast, the planets in our solar system are about 4.5 billion years old.
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Cha 1107-7626 is surrounded by a disk of gas and dust, which constantly falls onto the planet and accumulates during a process that astronomers call accretion. But the rate at which the young planet is growing varies, the study authors said.
Observations with the European Southern Observatory’s Very Large Telescope in Chile’s Atacama Desert, along with follow-up views conducted by the James Webb Space Telescope, showed that the planet is adding material about eight times faster than a few months earlier and gobbling up gas and dust at a record rate of 6.6 billion tons (6 billion metric tons) per second.
Related article
The Earth-size exoplanet TRAPPIST-1 e, depicted at the lower right, is silhouetted as it passes in front of its flaring host star in this artist’s concept of the TRAPPIST-1 system.
Earth-like exoplanet could be habitable, and astronomers may know soon
The unusual burst of activity is the strongest growth rate ever recorded for a planet of any kind, said lead study author Victor Almendros-Abad, an astronomer at the Palermo Astronomical Observatory of the National Institute for Astrophysics in Italy, and is shedding light on the tumultuous formation and evolution of planets.
“We’ve caught this newborn rogue planet in the act of gobbling up stuff at a furious pace,” said senior coauthor Ray Jayawardhana, provost and professor of physics and astronomy at Johns Hopkins University, in a statement.
“Monitoring its behavior over the past few months, with two of the most powerful telescopes on the ground and in space, we have captured a rare glimpse into the baby phase of isolated objects not much heftier than Jupiter. Their infancy appears to be much more tumultuous than we had realized.”
Astronomers have observed a planet that in some ways behaves more like a star — including a massive growth spurt unlike anything witnessed before in a free-floating planet.
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The rogue planet, which does not orbit any star, is called Cha 1107-7626 and is outside of our solar system, 620 light-years from Earth in the Chamaeleon constellation. A single light-year, or the distance light travels in one year, is equal to 5.88 trillion miles (9.46 trillion kilometers).
The planet has a mass five to 10 times that of Jupiter, the largest planet in our solar system. And it’s getting bigger every second, according to new research published Thursday in The Astrophysical Journal Letters.
Estimated to be 1 million to 2 million years old, Cha 1107-7626 is still forming, said study coauthor Aleks Scholz, an astronomer at the University of St. Andrews in Scotland. It may sound old, but astronomically speaking, the planet is in its infancy. By contrast, the planets in our solar system are about 4.5 billion years old.
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Cha 1107-7626 is surrounded by a disk of gas and dust, which constantly falls onto the planet and accumulates during a process that astronomers call accretion. But the rate at which the young planet is growing varies, the study authors said.
Observations with the European Southern Observatory’s Very Large Telescope in Chile’s Atacama Desert, along with follow-up views conducted by the James Webb Space Telescope, showed that the planet is adding material about eight times faster than a few months earlier and gobbling up gas and dust at a record rate of 6.6 billion tons (6 billion metric tons) per second.
Related article
The Earth-size exoplanet TRAPPIST-1 e, depicted at the lower right, is silhouetted as it passes in front of its flaring host star in this artist’s concept of the TRAPPIST-1 system.
Earth-like exoplanet could be habitable, and astronomers may know soon
The unusual burst of activity is the strongest growth rate ever recorded for a planet of any kind, said lead study author Victor Almendros-Abad, an astronomer at the Palermo Astronomical Observatory of the National Institute for Astrophysics in Italy, and is shedding light on the tumultuous formation and evolution of planets.
“We’ve caught this newborn rogue planet in the act of gobbling up stuff at a furious pace,” said senior coauthor Ray Jayawardhana, provost and professor of physics and astronomy at Johns Hopkins University, in a statement.
“Monitoring its behavior over the past few months, with two of the most powerful telescopes on the ground and in space, we have captured a rare glimpse into the baby phase of isolated objects not much heftier than Jupiter. Their infancy appears to be much more tumultuous than we had realized.”