David Shade’s Manual, Vol. 1
June 9, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Articles
Interviewing for High Self-Esteem Women
By David Shade
www.davidshade.com
I specifically interview for high self-esteem women. The most comprehensive discussion on self-esteem I have seen is by Nathaniel Branden at nathanielbranden.net. He articulated it well when he wrote:
"Self-esteem is an experience. It is a particular way of experiencing the self. It is to move toward life rather than away from it; to move toward consciousness rather than away from it; to treat facts with respect rather than denial; and to operate self-responsibly rather than the opposite."
He defined self-esteem as "being competent to cope with the challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness. It is confidence in our ability to learn, make appropriate choices and decisions, and respond effectively to change. It is the experience that success, achievement, fulfillment, and happiness are right and natural for us. It is a consciousness to trust our self. It strives for rationality, coherence, clarity, and truth."
He defined six practices of a healthy self-esteem:
1) Living consciously: Respect for facts, open to new knowledge and feedback, and seeking to understand the world and ourselves.
2) Self-acceptance: Realism applied to self. The willingness to own, experience, and take responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and actions, without evasion, denial, or disowning.
3) Self-responsibility: Realizing that we are the author of our choices and actions; that each one of us is responsible for life and well being and for the attainment of our goals.
4) Self-assertiveness: Being authentic in our dealings with others; treating our values and persons with decent respect in social contexts; refusing to fake the reality of who we are or what we esteem in order to avoid disapproval; the willingness to stand up for ourselves and our ideas in appropriate ways in appropriate contexts.
5) Living purposefully: Identifying our short-term and long-term goals or purposes and the actions needed to attain them.
6) Integrity: Living with congruence between what we know, what we profess, and what we do; telling the truth, honoring our commitments, exemplifying in action the values we profess to admire.
"What all these have in common is respect for reality."
What we call high self-esteem and low self-esteem, Nathaniel Branden calls self-esteem and pseudo self-esteem. He defined pseudo self-esteem as: "trying to compensate for deficiencies; a pretense at a self-confidence and self-respect; the effort to protect self-esteem with denial and evasion, which only results in a further deterioration of self-esteem."
Pseudo self-esteem can be easily identified by: "the defensiveness with which insecure people may respond when their errors are pointed out, or the extraordinary feats of avoidance and self-deception people can exhibit with regard to gross acts of non-consciousness and irresponsibility, or the foolish and pathetic ways people sometimes try to prop up their egos by the wealth or prestige of their spouse, the make of their automobile, or the fame of their dress designer, or by the exclusiveness of their golf club."
Traits of pseudo self-esteem include: delusional, ignorance, denial, evasion, betrayal of consciousness or conviction, lack of integrity, grandiosity, fantasies of superiority, conceited (exaggerated opinion of oneself,) boasting, arrogance, and the victim mentality of blaming others. What all these have in common is the lack of respect for reality. But the biggest indicator is the angry denial of low self-esteem or the denial that self-esteem is significant or desirable.
I have found the following to be true of HSE women and LSE women:
LSE women are insecure and seek validation from men.
HSE women are secure in themselves and have nothing to prove.
LSE women have a bottomless pit of emotional need that can never be filled.
HSE women are self fulfilled.
LSE women will manipulate a man to make him meet her needs.
HSE women know exactly what they want in a man, and when they find one enjoy who he is.
LSE women are quick to obtain their man’s tokens of devotion, such as expensive gifts or immediately requiring a monogamous relationship.
HSE women are suspicious of expensive gifts early on, and do not decide that they want a relationship with the man until she gets to know him well.
LSE women would steal a man if it would give her affirmation.
HSE women are not at all interested in another woman’s man.
LSE women trade sex for attention and for verification that they are attractive and worthy.
For HSE women, sex is about sharing and celebrating sexuality.
LSE women respond to being treated poorly in an attempt to prove their worthiness.
HSE women expect to be treated well and respond only to that.
For a LSE woman, it’s not about the man, it’s about her own needs.
For a HSE woman, it’s about what her and her man enjoy together.
LSE women blame their problems on other people. They have the victim mentality.
HSE women assume personal responsibility for their own lot in life.
LSE women are motivated by moving away from bad.
HSE women are motivated by moving towards good.
LSE women must control others by manipulation.
HSE women see that as unhealthy.
LSE women are drama queens.
HSE women seek harmony.
LSE women have a warped sense of deservedness.
HSE women have a healthy sense of deservedness.
Self-esteem is formed early in life and takes years to develop. A woman’s biggest influence in her developing years are her parents, and it is her father that has the most important influence. It is through him that she acquires the ability, or lack of ability, to have an emotionally healthy relationship with men.
A woman who had a close relationship with her father when she was a little girl is what I call a ‘Daddy’s Girl.’ Her father was loving and caring. He believed in her and supported her. He taught her to be self reliant, independent, and to believe in herself. He may have even taught her how to throw a baseball or throw a punch. She thus grew up with a high self-esteem, a healthy relationship with men, and a good sense of deservedness. She is thus emotionally healthy and believes that she deserves to be treated well by men. Interestingly, she is also very skilled at influencing men and making a man feel emotionally close to her.
Her relationship with her father goes through stages. As a little girl, she loves him dearly and looks up to him. When the taboo instinct sets in at about age 14, she becomes independent from him and sees him as the biggest dork in the world. By the time she matures into the age of legal adult, she again adores him and cares about him dearly. But at any age, she always wants him to see her as innocent and pure, and she wants him to continue to be proud of her.
This is in contrast to another woman who had a condescending or absent father. Such a woman is incapable of forming a deep emotional bond with a man. She has a bottomless pit of emotional need that can never be filled. She believes that she deserves to be treated poorly by men, though she expects being showered with attention and material gifts. She is often spotted in the company of men that view women as objects.
Her relationship with her mother is also important. I have known daddy’s girls who had mothers that were total emotional basket cases and made very bad decisions for themselves. In those cases, the young women tend to make bad decisions for themselves. To a large extent, women tend to repeat the same successes or failures of their mothers. Such daddy’s girls display some of the typical traits of a daddy’s girl, but they make mistakes such as having no direction in life. The very best women are those who had two
good parents in a good relationship.
A Daddy’s Girl has a good sense of deservedness. Deservedness is what a woman believes she deserves for herself. She believes that she deserves to experience wonderful pleasure, and she believes that she deserves you. She will be your best ally. She will be routing for you.
The opposite is a bad sense of deservedness. (Note: everybody has A sense of deservedness.) An example of a bad sense of deservedness is a woman who stays with a controlling or abusive man. Therefore, one of the quickest ways to obtain much information about a woman is to note the men she
associates with. If the woman does not have a good sense of deservedness, you will be forever frustrated, your energy will be constantly drained, and the relationship is doomed. She cannot appreciate a good man when she’s got one. She will sabotage the relationship and eventually leave for some scum that she believes she deserves. If you aren’t a psychiatrist or a therapist, there’s not much you can do about it. And even then, it’s usually futile.
So, how do you specifically interview for high self-esteem? Don’t just ask her if she has high self-esteem. The low self-esteem women will insist that they do, and the high self-esteem women sometimes are modest about it. Instead, covertly look for the traits of high self-esteem. The first sign is if she has a hearty firm handshake and good eye contact. The most trustworthy sign of self-esteem is if she can take a compliment
well. But don’t ask her if she can take a compliment well, because all women will say they do. Instead, somewhere in the conversation, I will pay her a compliment and see how she responds. If she belittles the
compliment or down plays it, I know she has a low self-esteem. The compliment will tend to break rapport, as it should. But if she takes the compliment well, such as responding with a genuine "Thank you!" then it may be possible that she has a good self-esteem. The compliment will tend to increase rapport, which is what I want.
I will also get conversation to where we talk about past relationships. This gives me a very good idea about her sense of deservedness. I will listen for signs of how she was treated by her men. That describes how
she will be most comfortable. If she complains about how her men mistreated her, it is a very bad sign. But if all her men were very interested in her pleasure, then that is a very good sign. They are the women who will most appreciate, and best respond to me.
Then I will test for ‘Daddy’s Girl.’ Eventually in the conversation, I will say "You know, I bet that when you were a little girl, about 7, you had a very close relationship with your father." If she didn’t, it will tend
to break rapport, as it should. But if she did, then it always servers to increase rapport in a massive way. Usually she will ask why I say that, and I will go into my ‘Daddy’s girl’ theory. The Daddy’s Girls always love it. But the ones who were not Daddy’s Girls will go into a long illogical discourse attempting to explain why they nonetheless have a high self esteem.
There is a very simple formula for dealing with Daddy’s Girls: Do all the things her daddy did to her, plus all those things her daddy dreaded a man like you would do to her.
David Shade
http://www.davidshade.com
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I don’t believe the opposition hse/lse oppositions found in the list of opposite traits to be very accurate. Ofcourse, we all know there is no typical lse women and there are degrees. But some of them are rather insulting. Do the opposite test and change women by men.
More, if DS particularly goes for the hse woman, how can he ascribe the opposite qualities he finds in hse women in lse women without knowing them?
The article was well written and I learned many things from it. The only thing I see different is that all this HSE/LSE shouldnt be looked at as Black or white. Although my experience is very limited, I have many friends that tend to blend with all those qualities and show HSE/LSE in different situations. I also see that as we grow older and more mature, we find ourselves (some slower than others).
Another HSE/LSE difference that wasnt pointed out is…physical beauty for a woman. More beautiful..more likely to be HSE. Although Ive met a couple of girls who are an exception to that.
Reading this pissed me off. Because some things are obvious. Like a girls self-esteem. And reading this ran me around in circles and gave me nothing.
He interviews women for their self-esteem? What does interview mean? Like he sits down and gives them a job interview? If some woman wanted to do that to me, I would tell her where to go in a flash. You do not interview women, you enjoy them. You interact with them. You laugh, you flirt, you get to know them. Their level of self-esteem is sitting right there on the surface, is obvious and not difficult to spot.
The definition of high self-esteem as someone who lives by the “facts” in their lives is complete bullshit. What are “facts”? All experiece is subjective. We all have a part of ourselves that we are blind to … it is hard to see yourself in a mirror, and illuminating when someone does a good impersonation of you. You go “Am I really like that?” The Map is not the Territory. My internal map of who I am in my mind is not who I actually am, and my map of how the world is is not the actual world. To say that HSE people are able to see the “facts” and have a respect for reality but low self esteem people have “delusions of grandeur” or “grandiosity” is the most rediculous thing I have ever heard. The writer, saying he “can see the facts” (and is therefore HSE) but other people are “blind to the world” is being grandious and pompous himself. Do you think he is blind to his own grandiousity and the fact he is a Hypocrite!
The freudian bullshit about relationships with fathers is just that: Bullshit. You could equally say that “disposition” is biological. The glands of the body secreting endomorphines that cause someone to be introverted or extroverted, depressed or content. Those glands are a biological function that are controlled by the body the same as your insulin (that diabetics are incapable of secreting) and have nothing to do with your life experience, some people secreting more of the given chemicals happy and depression chemicals and some people secreting less. I am not saying this alternative hypothesis is the actual truth, but there is at least some evidence and looking for causes based in “truth” does not illuminate much. All this ‘daddys girl’ speculation has absolutely no basis for integration into your worldview at all. What evidence is there of that? How can you extend some univerality from bullshit causes that have no obvious link to effect? Saying “I only go out with women that had a good relationship with their fathers when they were 7 because there is a direct 1:1 causual relationship with their self-esteem” is as abritrary as saying “I only go out with women that are virgos because virgos have HSE”. Pure supersition. What is more, the self-esteem of the girl is easier to see than some other “causual factor”. Does David Shade really even believe himself that there is no such thing as a girl who had a fantastic relationship with her father and got lots of cuddles and is loved to bits by her daddy who has LSE? I bet you even he doesn’t buy his own bullshit. So why is he selling it?
The reality of self-esteem is this: The word “esteem” is to regard with respect. “My esteemed collegues”, or “I hold it in high esteem”. “Self” is yourself. Therefore self-esteem is not about fucking seeing the “facts” of the world or whether you sat on your daddy’s knee when you were 7. It is having esteem for yourself. Liking who you are. And that is simple to spot.
The article is psychobabble with nothing of value in it.
This article, although there may be some flaws or minor disagreements, is totally accurate and, in fact, GOLDEN material. You guys criticizing it have no clue. EVERY SINGLE TIME I have been with or known a girl with a bad father, it turns out to be a nightmare. EVERY SINGLE TIME I have been with a girl with a good father, its peaceful and stronger. The same is true with all of my friends and family with NO KNOWN EXCEPTIONS. Of course, nothing is black and white and that does need to be said. But the criticism above arguing that HSE is biological is truly bullshit. You don’t get it and if you continue believing that kind of nonsense, you probably never will. I just wish the article discussed divorse and absense of father in better detail…there is a psychologist by the name of Lacan that goes into that that I recommend.
Its really hard to have to disqualify girls because of things that they ultimately had no responsibility for…but if you’re looking for a good relationship, it has to be done.
We should do a survey.
Have any of you guys ever been with a woman with a bad father that was not fucked up, LSE, or psycho to some degree?
In my case, I don’t think this is a perfect measuring stick. All the psychos I have known did have missing fathers, however, I have met a lot of odd girls with good fathers as well.
You have got to be kidding! Everybody has some experience in their childhood or adolescence where they are forced to become an adult before they are ready. And act in adult ways. Everybody. For some it might be as simple as their childhood dog dying. Some might have lost a parent. Some might have had their parents divorce. But it is a just-so story that we were once children but are now adults and therefore have had to embrace adult responsabilities and situaions where we would prefer the simplicity of childhood. These are the things that make a person stronger. You are a product of your experience, most definately. And all those things in your past, those dark experiences, those things that make you poorer as a person also make you richer. If you like yourself for who you are today, you have to like the things that happened to you. Some girls missed a father. If she is HSE that makes her a richer person who is able to feel more deeply and appreciate love more deeply in a less possessive way because she knows what it is like not to have it, and learned to be independent rather than being co-dependent on her parents. There ARE girls out there like that. I know them. To deny their existance is to be blind to the real world.
Now I strongly suspect that David Shade has a daughter. A daughter who he loves. And he thinks that his love for his daughter will make her HSE. It is a lovely thought. A lovely ode to his daughter. And there is poetry to a long ode to his daughter and the beauty of a father-daughter relationship. But it is an ode based on romatiscism. David Shades daughter may not end up HSE. And that would probably be upsetting to David. But this is not about romantisim. To say that EVERY fat ugly LSE girl who beats herself up and does not like herself, her body, or her personality is only like that because she did not have a father just simply does not line up with the real world. I know girls with perfectly functioning families who sit alone on a Saturday night with a tub of icecream and a video stuffing her face in a bout of LSE.
Similarly, I look back to some of my ex’s. Girls I love. We were phenomenal together. Beautiful girls who were a pure delight to be around, and they have fathers that died in motorcycle accidents when she was a child, there is non-present fathers there everywhere. In fact I would go as far as to say this: if a girl is very attractive and dresses in a way that indicates she is confident in her sexuality and moves through the world with ease, those physical observations are a far larger predictor of her self esteem than whether a father was present. I am not talking about the skank factor … that look of sleeze that you see in low class girls who often will have low self esteem. I am talking about the confident radience of a girl for whom life is easy, and she is truly beautiful.
If you want to say that is bullshit, and the article is correct, good for you. The 2 main points of the article can not be substantiated. First that HSE people rely on facts and embrace reality … everyone embraces their reality. There are some crazy people who truly believe thier head is a pumpkin. How can you be sure you are not one of them only with a different “fact”? Second, there is absolutely no way there is a 1:1 direct causual relationship between relationship with father and self-esteem. There is no way that every single girl with a good relationship with her father has high self esteem and every single girl who did not has low self esteem. No way, Jose!
The article is as useful as tits on a Bull.
“Some girls missed a father. If she is HSE that makes her a richer person who is able to feel more deeply and appreciate love more deeply in a less possessive way because she knows what it is like not to have it, and learned to be independent rather than being co-dependent on her parents. There ARE girls out there like that. I know them. To deny their existance is to be blind to the real world.”
I agree with what toecutter had to say. One of my ex’s has one of those “deadbeat dads” who is not in her life at all. She has tried to have a relationship with him over the years but he has disappointed her numerous times. She does not have a relationship with her dad. But, this woman has very HSE. She appreciates being in love and loving another because she knows exactly what it’s like to be without that love. She is a very independent woman who has very HSE and a shitty relationship, or lack thereof, with her father.
I agree about the “fact” thing…that didn’t seem right to me either…but that was a small detail in the article you’re making a big deal out of. The big picture is something you are missing…and maybe its because you have divorsed parents and are sensitive about that or because of someone you know. It doesn’t really matter. I mentioned Jaques Lacan because he precisely deals with what you mentioned…the death of a father…the death of a father is not really “absence of the father” as you assume…I’m assuming David Shade knows this but didn’t go into enough detail for you (although I could be wrong). As long as the mother still loves the dead father, the father is still there in daughter’s eyes. The father is still respected, admired, etc. Death of a parent is not as damaging as idiot parents. Not even close. Do yourself a favor and study up some good psychology before you discount solid real world evidence.
Do 100% of girls with idiot fathers turn out shitty? NO. Is it over 90%? YES.
>The father is still respected, admired, etc. Death of a parent is not as damaging as idiot parents. Not even close. Do yourself a favor and study up some good psychology before you discount solid real world evidence.
>Do 100% of girls with idiot fathers turn out shitty? NO. Is it over 90%? YES.
43% of quoted statistics are made up on the spot….8% of people know that!
HAHAHA. Where the hell did 90% come from? Most of the stuff you are talking about comes from psychology texts/courses. A whole lot of pyschological (the field) doctrines contradict eachother anyway. That’s why there are many different schools of thought explaining human behaviour/mental-makup. In my personal experience, popular psychological hypotheses haven’t added much to my mental map (there is a strong “AFC” undercurrent in many).
More importantly though, you are completely discounting the ability of a person to overcome/develop/evolve beyond a set of circumstances. This goes against the fundamental principle of being human and of life in general. Evolution man. If what you are saying was true, then all of the people who were raised as AFCs by their mothers could not change who they are. This whole community would be bunk.
Give women and humans for that matter a little more credit.
And just for the sake of nitpicking:
>Do yourself a favor and study up some good psychology before you discount solid real world evidence.
Toecutter offered real world evidence. You did not. You offered “good psychology” in its place, which IMHO is more hypothetical than theoretical. Its just someone else’s mental map of the world. “good psychology” is not equivalent to real world evidence.
I think everybody has made good points. I agree with toecutter that a girl’s self-esteem is obvious when you interact with her. I think the article is more for people who DON’T know how to tell the difference between HSE and LSE.
I agree that a bad relationship with a father doesn’t necessarily causes LSE. However, it is a very common cause of LSE in my experience. In the days when I ended up the AFC therapist with chicks, many of them told me they had a horrible relationship with their father, or that he was very strict or domineering. My ex-FB was super LSE with scars on her wrists from cutting. Both her parents are also very messed up people. I wasn’t surprised when she told me this.
Here is the link between a chick’s behavior and her parents that I can think of:
Her relationship with her father (and brothers also for that matter) is the first relationship of any sort she has with a man. How he treats her will form a lot of her perceptions of men. And how her parents treat each other forms her first model of how people treat each other in relationships. Does her mother shit test a lot? If so, maybe she will think that females should shit test to relate to males. Or maybe she will decide her mother is a bitch and decide to be totally sweet to men. However it works out, how a girl turns out does depend to some extent on her parents. The only question is how much, and in what ways.
Furthermore, it is possible that she will have a similar personality type to one of her parents, and therefore exhibit similar behaviors. Parents obviously have a role in socializing their children, and certain character traits are definitely hereditary. It’s the same with guys. One of the causes of AFCness is when the guy’s father is absent or distant, so he gets raised by his mother to be a touchy-feely nice guy. We all know there are momma’s boys, so it definitely makes sense that there are daddy’s girls.
“there is a psychologist by the name of Lacan that goes into that that I recommend.”
Yeah sure, now I understand also why you come up with that nonsense. Lacan draws on Freud a lot. and we all know what Freud thinks about those family relationships.
Besides, Freud is over. So is Lacan. Get over it.
I have seen David Shade on the field talking to women and “interviewing” them. Trust me…it was not Interviewing…it was a normal interaction with another person. He did the whole Daddy’s little girl “routine” and the girls eyes where shinning about everything he was saying to them. I have seen someone in our lair used some of this as an opener and field test this some time ago and it had the same results. The girls with bad relationships with their father where standoffish and rude. On the other hand the girls that had a good relationship started talking about how it was great the relationship they had and were laughing and you can see the spark in their eyes and generated more attraction for asking such a question. I don’t recommend this as an opener but it’s a great tool to calibrate during the sarge and get some cold reads out of her answer which will be more personal to her. My main point is that I have seen David use this on the field and it’s a great tool for screening women. For people to simply bash it without even trying it, I find it a bit childish. I know Toecutter is not a KJ so its surprising to hear this from him. I suggest you see this more like another great tool you can use and try it out in the comfort stage of your sarge and see your results. It might help you know if she is a nuthead before going any further.
There’s a difference between a working tactic and some mumbo jumbo about characteristics women are supposed to have.
We don’t get to choose our families or our childhood experiences, and I think that “interviewing” a girl to see how this relates to her sense of self-esteem when you’ve just met her is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve read on this forum. A girl’s sense of self esteem can be more accurately garnered through the way she speaks, carries herself, and even dresses (alluring/sexy, not skanky-need-all-the-attention-I-can-get). You can just “feel” it when someone is content and comfortable with who they are. And funny enough, most of the “Daddy’s girls” that I know from my own circle of friends are girls who are emotionally underdeveloped and dependant on Daddy – calling him up when there’s an extra bill, a flat tire, or something that needs fixing in the house. David S’s theory is outdated and just plain wrong.
I tend to agree with the above post, you can tell if a woman(men too) is LSE or HSE before she ever opens her mouth. This is the whole reason why body language and “inner game” is so key to pickup.
Sorry to you sensitive people, but parents ARE the # 1 determining factor of who you are. Get over it. And this is ESPECIALLY TRUE FOR WOMEN. Women blend with their environment better than men. No, we don’t choose our parents just like we don’t choose to have a ugly or pretty face…that’s life. To suggest that the way a girl “acts” is a better way to judge a girl’s self-esteem than her family background is the DUMBEST thing I have heard in a while. Grow up and open your eyes.
Thanks for the illuminating insight.
>>but parents ARE the # 1 determining factor of who you are.
According to whom?
>>And this is ESPECIALLY TRUE FOR WOMEN.
Again, who says? And why?
>>Women blend with their environment better than men.
Several women (and men for that matter) whom I’ve known to have poor parents, have gravitated towards a supportive peer group or other “role models”. Their parents weren’t giving them what they needed, so they looked elsewhere. Even at young ages, some people do this subconsciously, maybe because it feels better to be around these new ‘mentors’.
>>To suggest that the way a girl “acts” is a better way to judge a girl’s self-esteem than her family background is the DUMBEST thing I have heard in a while.
As cliche as it sounds, actions DO speak louder than words. One of the best ways to judge a person is by their actions, as what they do reflects who they are as a person, their core values.
You are arguing one side of the classic psychological debate between nature and nurture. Its funny, because thousands of scientists and psychologists haven’t figured out which one is more important in developing a person’s emotional makeup, but you apparently have!! Congratulations.
The general consensus AMONG PEOPLE WHO KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT, is that both nature and nurture play a role in developing an individual’s psychological makeup. And that there is NO set formula for determining how a person will develop emotionally.
[quote]According to whom?
>>And this is ESPECIALLY TRUE FOR WOMEN.
Again, who says? And why?[/quote]
That’s probably according to some old school psychology noone takes seriously anymore these days (Freud, Lacan).
“You are arguing one side of the classic psychological debate between nature and nurture.”
Parents provide an awful lot of nurturing. I don’t agree with Rod either, but discounting that parents have a large effect on the socialization of their children would be very silly.
Rod wrote: “To suggest that the way a girl “acts” is a better way to judge a girl’s self-esteem than her family background is the DUMBEST thing I have heard in a while. Grow up and open your eyes.”
LMAO. This is reduculous. To suggest that a girl who acts like she has HSE is not an indicator of HSE is just retarded. If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck it is probably a duck. What you are saying is that if a girl “acts” like she has LSE but tells you she had a good relationship with her father, and I think she does have LSE, then I need to open my eyes. The opposite is the case. Self-esteem is manifested in the way she interacts with the world. If it does not, it is of no value. If she acts like she has HSE, and reacts in all the ways that girls with high-self-esteem do in all situations, then that is the very definition of HSE. I am running myself in circles trying to explain this it is so obvious and on the surface.
Wake up…the evidence is in the real world. Go look up murderers, drug addicts, successful people, and especially, ***people in strong relationships*** …go research biographies…the evidence is ENDLESS. Succesful people *usually* come from decent parents. Fucked up people *usually* come from fucked up families. Usually means the vast majority. You people arguing against this and discounting the effects of parents are delusional. You probably don’t want to admit to the fact that your parents had a profound influence on who YOU are and you have no CHOICE in that…BOO HOO. Stop crying about it ‘running around in circles’ and face reality. The world is cause and effect…your parents are the major cause of you, and even the baseless shit you’re all throwing up on this message board. Accept it or deny it, thats how it is. Don’t hate cause and effect…it doesn’t hate you.
“Succesful people *usually* come from decent parents. Fucked up people *usually* come from fucked up families.”
This is just silly though, I mean 60% of all marriages go bad on this continent but that doesn’t mean 60% of the people you meet are fucked up and LSE.
A girl could have had the most fucked up childhood but that doesn’t mean she didn’t have supporting friends that loved her and got through it OK. It also doesn’t mean she hasn’t spent the last ten years and in therapy and self-improvment and is higher self esteem than any of us.
A bad childhood can definately be an indicator but NEXT’ing on that alone would be utterly insane. Like I said above, you can tell even before you talk to them if they’re LSE or HSE.
I would say this shit’s real. I have had close to 50 women and what is mentioned is like fucking GOLD. Those criticising it either are biased themselves like we all are or knows nothing about psychology and just using their own personal experience of ‘doesn’t Susan have an abusive father…? Well, she’s great! So up yours, author!’
I have knowledge on psychology and what I just read rung with truth. In fact, I just ended a relationship with an LSE girl and everything that I just read confirms that. I remembered from the start I had to reprogram her and even got into an argument about the fact that she wouldn’t accept it that I called her beautiful! Guess how tough that relationship became?!
Upon reading, I already wanted to forward this page to her and also to email Shade saying thanks for putting the realities in front of me once more
(I knew what I just read by tried so hard to forget it and cheat myself of the existence of these guidelines because I really had feelings for the girl).
But then I scrolled down and saw that there is this comments thingy and so decided to leave my 2 cents as well. Bloody good writing, this!
I believe in the father’s role. But father or not, to be with a LSE is a tough job for anyone ambitious is bloody true and it remains true whether you accept it or not.
To Shade: Why would you want to look for HSE when we are just looking for sex? A HSE takes a break off better? Or they fling better? If they fling better, does it mean that they are more wont to be fooling around? And I would assume LSE are easier to fling with… since they look for validation. Please answer.
Well, I’m not sure if I’m allowed in the locker room here, but I am a woman, and I am going to add my ten cents.
First of all, I am impressed and touched by most of the posts on this blog. Obviously you’re here to learn how to pick up women, but I am somewhat surprised to see such intelligent and introspective responses to this material.
Here’s the monkey wrench I wanted to throw in…I ordered David Shade’s manual to give to my husband of 20 yrs, whom I love deeply. It has truly improved our sex life. Yet, I had an abusive father who sexually molested me. After 15 years of therapy, I have finally learned to “manage the damage.” It still takes work though, every day.
Obviously, according to DS’s rather simplistic guide, I would be an unacceptable candiate for…whatever. Yet I have been in a wonderful relationship with a wonderful man for 20 years…not perfect, but wonderful nonetheless. I’ve also raised 2 healthy, happy sons.
So, I guess the upshot is…all generalizations are wrong, inlcuding this one. And props to whoever reads Lacan. There are going to be some lucky ladies out there!
I wish I had come across this information befor i got married. I am married with 2 children and I am a man married to a woman who suffers from bad dad syndrome. Not only do I take heat for her x-husbands mestakes i can directly see how her crappy dad has given her low self worth and a negitive outlook on life. The more I try to make her happy the more she shuts me and the kids out. I am a positive and happy person who has been weekend by the crappy dad cloud of doom. I could give severail examples to support this information , but why. You hit the nail on the head and you could saved me hours of trying to convence her that i love her and am not going to cheet on her.(as her dad did on her mother)
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