Sexual Dominance

Demilano has a pretty interesting post on the General Forum of mASF that takes a rather “textbook” look at the role sexual dominance plays in a relationship.

Demilano writes:
( Source: “Social Psychology – Unravelling the Mystery”, Cialdini, Neuberg, Cleveland, pages 289-291 )

When dominance matters

Like most influences on social behavior, the importance of social dominance involves an interaction between the person and his or her situation. We discuss two interesting types of interactions here. First, dominance may be desirable or undesirable in a mate, depending on other features of that person’s personality. Second, our feelings about where we rank in the social dominance hierarchy depend on an interaction of our sex, and the characteristics of other competitors.

Dominance by Itself Isn’t Enough

We have discussed several findings suggesting that women seek socially dominant and competitive men. These characteristics are part of the traditional male role, which emphasizes attaining social rank over others, in contrast to the traditional female role, which emphasizes communal links with others. But what happens over the course of a relationship between a traditionally competitive male and a traditionally communal female?
After observing ongoing social interactions between traditional and non-traditional men and women, Williem Ickes suggested a paradoxical problem for traditional partners. Although women are initially attracted to socially dominant and competitive men, such traditional men are not particularly pleasant to live with. Women in long-term relationships with traditionally masculine men are less satisfied than women in relationships with more “feminine” or androgynous men (who combine traditionally masculine and feminine characteristics). As Ickes notes, although dominant men may be attractive to women, they are less likely to be loving, kind, and considerate in long-term relationships.
Additional research suggests that, rather than being drawn to men who demonstrate pure “machismo,” women most prefer partners high in both masculine assertiveness and feminine nurturance. Indeed, though women are relatively more attracted to traditionally masculine characteristics, both sexes will take a pass on competitive characteristics if it means getting a partner who lacks nurturance or expressiveness.
A series of studies by Laurie Jensen-Campbell, William Fraziano, and Stephen West further elucidates the interactive combination of masculine dominance and nurturant qualities. Students read a description of an opposite-sexed person and tried to form a mental image of that person. They read about someone who manifested one of four combinations of dominance and agreeableness. For example, some students read about someone who was both dominant (“assertive”, “bold”, “talkative”) and agreeable (“considerate”, “cooperative”, sympathetic”). Others read about someone who was dominant but disagreeable (“rude”, “selfish”, “uncooperative”), and so on. Students then rated the targets on several characteristics, including desirability as a date.
For male subjects, it made no difference whether the woman was dominant, but they strongly preferred agreeable women to disagreeable women. Female subjects preferred men who were dominant, but only if they were also agreeable. If a man was not agreeable, he was not considered desirable as a date, regardless of how dominant he was.
Thus, socially dominant characteristics may be initially attractive in a partner (particularly a man), but they are not, by themselves, predictive of a satisfying long-term relationship in either sex. Perhaps sensitive to this problem, people of both sexes are inclined to place little value on dominant characteristics if they are not accompanied by nurturant characteristics.

Who’s on Top?

Whether I will be able to attract the mate I desire depends on the competition. A V show called The Dating Game made the rivalry explicit, asking contestants to compete with one another for a date with a member of the other sex. One team of social psychologists brought this game into the laboratory. Contestants were videotaped and their tactics were correlated with their physical and psychological traits. The researchers found that symmetrical men with an unrestricted sociosexual orientation were more likely to use direct competitive tactics what were less symmetrical and restricted men. These sexy men tired to dominate their opponent with statements like: “You’d have a lot more interesting time with me than with that other guy.” Restricted men took a softer approach, focusing on their own positive qualities, and presenting themselves as “nice guys”.
Women were less likely to try to dominate their opponents. But this doesn’t mean women are immune to feelings of status competition in the mating arena. It simply shows up in different ways. Consider the findings of a recent study conducted by Sara Gutierres and her colleagues. Participants were shown profiles of eight members of their own sex who had presumably signed up for a campus dating service. In some cases, the other students were all highly socially dominant. One was former editor of the campus newspaper who had published articles in Runner’s World on what it takes to achieve excellence, and another was a youthful proprietor of a successful business. In other cases, the profiled students were low in social dominance (one listed a letter to the editor of the campus newspaper as his or her major accomplishment, for example). Attached to each profile was a photograph. Half the students saw very attractive members of their sex (actually models from a local agency). The other half saw average-looking people. When later asked to rate their own desirability as a marriage partner, the men downgraded themselves after seeing a pool of potential competitors full of socially dominant high-roller types. The women, on the other hand, were affected by the other women’s physical attractiveness, downgrading their own mate value when the other women were all good looking.
Long the same lines, researchers in the Netherlands found that men were more jealous if they imagined their partner flirting with a socially dominant man; whereas women were more jealous if the interloper was a beautiful woman. Other findings suggest these sex differences in concern about the competition may be justified. Women*’s commitment to their current relationships was weakened after seeing a group of socially dominant men, whereas men’s commitment was undermined by seeing physically attractive women.
In a related study, students filled out a scale measuring bodily self-esteem. Men’s bodily self-esteem was linked to features of strength and dominance (like broad shoulders and muscularity). Women’s was linked to features associated with fertility (such as waist-to-hip ratio and breast size). As we noted earlier, men place relatively more emphasis on a woman’s physical appearance. Though men are optimistic about improving their financial or social status, women feel more helpless to change the physical features that men look for in their mates. This may contribute to women’s feeling more embarrassed and objectified in circumstances that draw attention to their bodies, like being seen in a bathing suite.

I think there is a lot of truth to this. It’s interesting how dominant/alpha men can quickly get attraction in a woman and stir up those desires within them, resulting in untold sexual encounters and one night stands. But more often than nit, when it comes time to having a relationship, women seem to choose guys who aren’t as dominant or aggressive, and give that emotional support they desire. However, the lack of passion can often drive them to cheat.

I have always noticed that with my friends, especially those who carry on multiple long term relationships, they will often play the coquette to a certain extent and fluxuate between being dominant and being beta. Often times, they’ll attract her by being the alpha male, then switch and give the woman the kind of emotional love and support she desires, but then take it away once the woman tries to make it more serious and be alpha again. This type of push-pull is usually really attractive to most women, and keeps the passion in a relationship.

You can read the whole thread here.