The Power of Detachment
March 23, 2004 by Thundercat
Filed under Tips & Tricks
Senior Fingers, over at the DJ discussion boards, has a series of posts he dubs “Weapons of Mass Seduction” (clever, huh?). Anyway, one post of his caught my eye, entitled “The Power of Detachment.” It goes as follows…
Senior Fingers writes:
“The Power of Detachment”Sometimes I shake my head with some of the questions my chump friends ask me, because they come from the same mindset.
“Should I call her?”
“She said _______. What does this mean?”
“Does she like me?”
These are all signs of attachment. Her responses and perceptions of them should not matter this much, but like I said, these guys are wusses and they get their panties in a wad over the smallest things. I try to give them advice but they don’t want to hear it. It’s almost as if they are emotional masochists who enjoy being stepped on. Poor bastards.
If you don’t want to end up like these nutless wonders, take the following words to heart
1. There are more important things to think about in life than whether a girl likes you or not.
2. For every girl that wants to be “friends” there is another who wants to tear your clothes off.
3. Women are excellent at reading your vibe and can smell suckers from a mile away. If you exude neediness she will lose attraction because clinginess is not sexy! Stop needing her so much!
4. On the other hand, if you exude detachment, she will wonder about you and when you do give her that attention, she will actually appreciate it.A really important thing to remember is that:
When you let a woman dominate your state of mind, you are giving up your manhood.
That’s right. You may as well cut your nuts off and let her wear them as earrings, cuz you are now officially her bytch!
Think about this. In just about every relationship you see there is an inbalance of interest level. One person is almost always more into the other. I can confirm this from personal experience cuz for too long, I was the one who was totally head over heels. After getting burned, I wised up to the folly of blind romance and realized that real love does not = attachment.
In time my focus shifted off of women and onto my ambitions and social life. During this time, I still loved my new girlfriends, but in a more detached way. I had my own life, my own friends and there would be days, sometimes weeks when we wouldn’t see each other. As David D would say, I gave them the gift of missing me.
The 3 girlfriends who I treated this way became the ones with the higher interest level. In fact, I still get phonecalls from these chicks! Why do they sweat me so? Simple. Because I never gave them my personal power. My happiness did not depend on them and I didn’t let myself fall under their control. I showed love but didn’t let their moods/tantrums sway me.
For example:
The Old Me
ME: I feel like a night out. Let’s go hit up the Mexican spot.
HER: I don’t wanna eat Mexican
ME: Hmm okay..how about the Thai place
HER: I hate Thai
ME: But you ate there a few weeks ago and said you loved it! (Keep offering her suggestions in an effort to appease her till she gets all pissy and we get into a stupid fight, at which point I cave to her lazy whims and we order pizza)The New Me
ME: I feel like a night out. Let’s go hit up the Mexican spot.
HER: I don’t wanna eat Mexican
ME: Hmm okay..how about the Thai place
HER: I hate Thai
ME: Well, aren’t we picky? Any suggestions?
HER: (shrugs)
ME: Tell you what. You can stay here and keep thinking about it, but I am friggin starving. See you in a bit! (smile and grab my coat)
HER: Alright alright! Hold on I’m coming with you.This is an example of maintaining personal power in a relationship. But this mentality is also important in seducing new prospects because you will be tested and rejected so many times. If you are the sensitive type and take these bytches personally, you will DIE from low self-esteem! Okay maybe not die but you know what I mean.
Whenever I used to get rejected or LJBFed, I used to get all down on myself, oblivious to the fact that I have nothing to do with a woman’s mind state. Surely it must have been my fukkup! I failed to see that sometimes women just aren’t in the mood or frame of mind to be seduced, no matter how suave I may be.
I have seen the most natural macks get shot down and I always admired these guys cuz they took it all in stride and would even make jokes about it. “Damn, I gotta stop hitting on these lesbos!”
Be happy and centered enough in your reality that other people’s opinions/rejections don’t affect you. The rejection of crashing & burning should not discourage you, with a detached attitude it should be entertaining! Of course we would all rather succeed than fail. But better to be a humble winner than a sore loser.
These days I have a little mantra that plays on my subconscious whenever I face an outright rejection. My thoughts are directed at the HB as follows:
“Wow, you really have no clue what you are missing here. Not only am I devilishly handsome, but I give the bomb massages, am an excellent cook and possess the skills to give you multiple orgasms. I almost feel sorry for your dumb ass! Hmm, if you are cool enough I will let you be my friend and help me meet other hotties. However, if you are gonna be a bytch about this whole thang, alls I can say is … NNEEEEXXXXXTTT!”
That’s right I am the prize! I will make the effort to meet a woman and try to open her up to me. But if she tries to snub or disrespect me and has no sense of humor when I call her on her bad attitude, then I don’t waste my time on her cuz there are a million women who are ten times finer, smarter and more entertaining she’ll ever be!
It is with this attitude that you will have the most success when..
I think this is the primary difference between an AFC and a Pick-Up Artist. The difference between being attached to what the girl thinks of you, and being detached from what the girl thinks of you. I personally believe this is the thing that makes guys affraid to approach women — that attachment to what girls think of them.
Men naturally get validation from women thinking they’re attractive, or at least good enough to sleep with. It’s how men go about seeking that validation that they get in trouble. If you are able to detach yourself from caring what other people think of you and be secure in what you hold to be true about yourself, you empower yourself to be more successful with seduction, because you allow yourself to fail without consequence.
You can read the whole thread here.
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