Subtle Signs She’s Not Interested

You know, I like to read AskMen.com. Sometimes it has good information, but the “Dating and Relationships” section is always good for a laugh. One of their latest articles is by a guy named Oliver Jameson who wrote “The Top 10 Subtle Signs She’s Not Interested.” I’ve decided to break it down here using PUA logic.

Enjoy.

Oliver Jameson writes:
In the game of romance, few things are black and white. Subtlety, insinuations and suggestions are at the heart of the chase for lovin’.

You’ve already memorized the signs that she’s flirting, so now it’s time for you to hone an acute sense for the signals women send when they’re not interested.

So there you are putting the moves on a babe at a bar. She hasn’t quite hinted that she thinks you’re gay, but you’re still not sure if she’s game. Read on and find out.

Actually, some guys have based their entire style of pick-up on the girl’s thinking they’re gay. But I digress…

Number 10: She keeps looking around

When a woman is interested, she puts in the effort by giving you her full attention. If she’s aching to end the conversation with you, looking for someone else to chat with, like the bartender, or, say, her drink, chances are she’s not into you.

Typical signs you need to memorize more material. Either that, or get a fuckin’ personality, you little social robot, you!

Number 9: She’s not talkative

Every dating guide will tell you the same thing: women love to talk, so let them. If, however, she limits her answers to “yes” and “no,” never bothering to elaborate, you have a flat liner. Ditto if she doesn’t ask you questions and shows no interest in what you have to say. Especially telling is her body language. If she crosses her arms and legs, leans away from you, and doesn’t play with her hair, you’re probably boring her. Now if she taps her foot or fingers impatiently with the rhythmic precision of a ticking clock, get out before she blows (and not in a good way).

The truly determined may do things to offend or turn off guys, like scratch their privates, swear like sailors and generally behave in an unladylike manner.

I’d just like to point out to everyone reading this NOT to take ANY of this seriously as signs of disinterest. First of all, there are lots of women who do not love to talk. Typical Low Self Esteem (LSE) women are quite quiet. Some girls are shy. Some are just dumb. Smart, intelligent, fun girls like to talk. The thing is, when you let a woman talk, you allow her to control the frame, and that’s a no-no.

Even though it’s a big Indicator of Interest (IOI) when a girl asks you questions, it’s not necessary for that to occur. Plenty of girls out there are just happy to have a stimulus and need constant “shiny things” to keep them occupied. But I think the biggest faux pas here is the bit on Body Language.

If a girl’s body language is wrong, correct it! I learned this from Swinggcat. If I’m talking to a girl who has her arms crossed, I’ll tell her “OMG! You’ve got crossed arms! Ugh! Why so closed off?” This will make her self-conscious and get her to uncross her arms. The funny thing about correcting body language is that attitude will follow. When the bodly language is corrected, so is how the girl reacts to you. When you get her to uncross her arms, she opens up more and begins to re-engage you. It’s a cool little trick.

Regardless, do not take these as a sign to bail! Keep pounding away!

Number 8:She says she’s expecting people

In other words, there’s little chance she’ll be spending any alone time with you. If she emphasizes that these people will be arriving shortly, it’s your red card, so gently excuse yourself.

WHA???? What the hell kind of advice is this? You stay in there until these people show up, damn it! Why let her control the frame? This is the typical “Let women rule” mentality that is fucking up America.

Number 7:She says she has to leave

Although she just ordered her second Pink Lady, she’s restless and fidgety. She keeps looking at her watch, looks around the room for something or someone, and seems generally uncomfortable where she is, i.e. near you. Should you still have doubts, they should be promptly dispersed as she suddenly leaves, mumbling something about having to be somewhere.

If she leaves, she leaves, no big deal. MAKE her leave. Stay in there until the bitter end. The thing is, if you notice this happening, pace it, and throw in false time constraints. Saying something like “Oh crap, I gotta get going in a few seconds. But before I do…” and make it seem like you’re about to leave. The prospect of you leaving will keep her where she is and keep you in set maybe long enough to turn it around.

Number 6: She gets you to dance with her friend

Oftentimes, when a woman is dancing with a girl friend, she’s off the market. Still, more indomitable men persist at their own risk. However, if that same woman pushes you into a grind with her much less alluring gal pal, it’s the closest act to tossing you away without saying a word. But look on the bright side. You might still get some tonight, if you don’t mind second place.

Again, letting the girl dominate the frame. If she pushes you away, persist and come back to dance with her. My real question would be “Why are you on the dance floor in the first place?” I personally think dance floors are bad places of initiate an approach. It’s often best to dance with girls who are on the perifery of the dance floor, not quite on it, or to drag a girl you’re already gameing on there.

Number 5: She refuses the drink you offer her

Women love the free drink, so if she turns yours down, you can be sure she doesn’t want the burden of having to talk to you, especially if you know she was about to order a drink herself. She might even order one herself after that, a very clear sign. But hey, at least you have two drinks now.

Thundercat says: What the FUCK are you doing buying her a drink?!?!?!?!

Sure women love free drinks. But every AFC in the world uses that to get in with chicks. It’s the worst form of supplication: Buying the girl shit hoping she’ll like you. FUCK THAT! Never offer to buy a girl a drink unless she’s a friend or you’re sleeping with her. Using it to Pick-Up is L-A-M-E.

Number 4: She talks about other men

This can take many forms, so stay alert. She may say she has a lot of guy friends and does activities with them a woman would normally do with her boyfriend, like going to a cabin for the weekend. This shows that she likes the company of men as friends, which is what she might very well label you.

She may also mention that you remind her of her brother or guy friends, or go on about the other men she’s interested in (which curiously, are nothing like you).

This is a shit test, not a sign of disinterest. Bust on her for it. Start treating her like a guy or something. Accuse her of trying to get you out to a cabin so she can rape you or some shit like that. This is also a reason why i don’t like to let girl’s talk to much while in set. They control the frame by talking about these “men she’s interested in.” Screw that. Talk about your own stuff that will force her to follow YOUR conversational thread, and therefore put her in YOUR frame.

Number 3: She says she doesn’t like guys who…

…are shorter than her, are older than her, are in between jobs, have a beard, listen to Creed… whatever the comment, it will be one that applies directly to you. If she does throw a compliment your way, she may try to neutralize it with a negative hit, or a subtle comment of disapproval.

This is what Swinggcat call’s intentional undermining. Use it against her. Don’t let her judge you. Reframe the comment to be something negative about her and then judge her on it.

“I don’t like guys who are shorter than me.”
“Yeah, girls who wear high heels are so insecure.”

“I don’t like guys who are bald.”
“I know. Girls with hairy legs are such a turn off.”

“I don’t like guys who are older than me.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t hold your youth and inexperience against you.”

“I don’t like guys who are between jobs.”
“Yeah, if you’re looking to advance your career at McDonalds, you’re talking to the wrong guy.”

“I don’t like guys who have beards.”
“Did Santa screw you over one year? You must have been a bad girl.”

“I don’t like guys who listen to Creed.”
“Oh, did the other groupies all make fun of you or something?”

Number 2: She keeps highlighting how busy she is

This is probably the most classic subtle signal of all: her life is too hectic to accommodate a relationship. She says she’s really busy at work, she works long hours, or simply can’t make the commitment. She might say this before you actually ask her out, as a preemptive strike. However, this shouldn’t be taken as the smoking gun. If you get this excuse more than once, then you can throw in the towel.

Less subtle variations exist, such as spurting excuses not to give you her phone number. She may say that she doesn’t have a cell phone, that she lives with a roommate, that she just moved into a new place and therefore has no personal line for intimate chats. Or she can also just give you a wrong number and get off easy.

We have a word for this. It’s called “Flaking.” If she gives you her number, call it right away in front of her on your cell just to see if it’s legit. This’ll freak her the fuck out. Call her on her flakiness and bullshit. Be persistent. Keep calling. I know guys who just can’t take a hint who get laid just through sheer persistence.

Number 1: She says she’s not looking for a boyfriend

This is a tricky one. “I’m happy where I am right now” is one we’ve all heard but are rightfully quick to question. If women’s shows, magazines and movies are any indication, women are never happy being single, so it’s a nice way for her to say she’s off limits. However, if you find an exception to the rule, she might just change her mind once she meets someone she’s interested in.

In a similar vein, a woman with low interest level may talk about a past relationship drama that suggests she’s not rushing to get into a new one.

Why are you letting her put you in the boyfriend frame? You’re the one qualifying her, remember? Reframe the situation.

“I’m not looking for a boyfriend.”
“Jesus, I just met you and already you’re trying to get me into a relationship. I don’t even know if you’re good in bed yet.”

blah, blah, blah…

subtle solutions

The suggestive character of seduction, unfortunately, leaves much room for interpretation and misunderstandings. Most of the points above are assumptions based on commonly used techniques. The one true accurate sign that she’s not interested is telling you she has a man.

Ignore it. Women will cheat on their boyfriends. It’s a fact.

If it’s been 20 minutes and you’re still unsure if she’s available, ask her directly, or use subtlety back on her, asking such things as, “How come a woman like you isn’t a relationship?” Whatever answer you get, don’t waste your time if she doesn’t want anything to do with you.

Why do you care if she’s in a relationship or not? If she’s interested in you, she might not even bring it up. If she feels guilty or isn’t interested, she’ll use it as a barrier/shit test that you’ll have to overcome (and you should already be prepared to break down those barriers). DO NOT LET THE GIRL SET THE FRAME! Period. End of story.

I don’t always agree with Gunwitch, but one part of his method that I find VERY good is “Make the Ho say No.” The wording may suck, but it’s very true that you need to push it as far as you can go until the girl threatens legal action and flat out tells you to never talk to her again. Persistence will get you far, but you gotta hang in there. And don’t bother following these “subtle signs.” They’re subtle because they’re there to be ignored.