Dating for Male Porno Stars

Carly at Pornblography has a pretty entertaining write-up of advice for any guy who’s lucky enough to be working in porn, yet wants to date a chick that isn’t as fucked in the head as most of the girls he’s forced to work with.  So for all you guys in "the industry" who read this site, this one’s for you…

Carly writes:
A PSA FOR MALE TALENT LOOKING TO DATE MAINSTREAM GIRLS

If there’s one sentiment that’s been echoed to me on a continual basis by the male talent in this industry – aside from loudly proclaiming how virile they are – it’s that they’re interested in having a nice, normal relationship with a nice, normal girl. Working as a rent-a-cock seems to put a damper on this dream, surprisingly enough, but that doesn’t stop many of them from pursuing that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, rose-colored glasses firmly in place. But here’s the thing – it’s not always the fact that they do porn that makes them strike out, it’s how they behave that makes them strike out. And after hearing another story of this nature, I figured it was time to take the time to point out to the meat puppets in this industry why they’re having issues settling down with the girl next door. Or at least why they can’t fuck her.

Last week I got a phone call from a business associate/gal pal who left me a cryptic message saying that she had something to ask me as it was right up my alley. Up to my eyeballs in PR madness, I returned her call yesterday and got the scoop.

“Do you know [REAL NAME DELETED]?” she asked.

“Uhmmm…”

“He’s [PORNO NAME DELETED],” she said.

The light bulb went on. “Yes, I know him!”

“What’s his deal?”

I wracked my brain for anything I’d heard or any dealings I’d had with him in the past. “Seems decent enough,” I told her. “Never heard anything bad about him. He’s articulate from what I know. He can tie his own shoes.”

“He picked up on me at a bar,” she told me.

“What happened?”

“Well, first of all I met him and we kinda hit it off. He was funny and great to talk to. But then when he went to the bathroom the guy that was with him said, ‘You know he does porn, right?’ and I was like, ‘No!’ And so when he came back from the bathroom I asked if it was true.”

“And what did he say?”

“He said he hadn’t made a movie in a couple of years.”

STOP!

Okay, male talent, this is where your first fuck-up is. You can tell a mainstream girl all you want that you don’t do porn anymore… but you know what? She’s smart enough to do her research to see if that’s actually true. Let’s take a look at what happens next…

After I finished laughing my guts out, I said, “That’s total bullshit.”

“Oh, I know,” she said. “I looked it up on the Internet and he appears to have been very active. I even found on-set reports with him in them.”

“Yup, I was actually on set with him a few months back for something.”

“Right, that’s what I figured.”

“So what else happened?” I asked.

“Well, it was strange. One minute he’d be talking all normal with me and stuff, and then all of a sudden he’d get all serious and look at me and say, ‘I’m gonna fuck the hell out of you.’”

STOP!

Fuck-up number two. If you guys are going to continue to try and pick up on mainstream girls, you can’t talk to them like they’re industry. “I’m gonna fuck the hell out of you” will get you a blow job under the table of the restaurant you’re at if you’re in the Valley and you’re out with someone who wears kneepads for a living, but for those chicks who don’t, you’re either likely to scare them or get slapped. Let’s see what her reaction was…

I laughed heartily again. “See, that’s the problem – they don’t know how to talk to normal girls.”

“No, definitely not. It was weird.”

“So then what?”

“Well, then he wanted to go and get something to eat, but I was fine so I decided to stay there with my girlfriends,” she said. “So he left and called me later to see what I was doing. Then he called me again. And again. And again. And then he got his friend to call me, and I know his friend doesn’t have my number…”

STOP!

This would be fuck-up number three: overzealousness. Here’s another example of this that I saw first hand. I was on set for a shoot one time that counted among its invited guests a former contestant for a reality show who was perky and cute, and admitted that she was single. One of the male talent pulled up a chair and started chatting with her, which was cool, but then when she mentioned she was single he immediately started bombarding her with demands for her number, her address, dinner, drinks, a sleepover at his place… it was a little too much too soon for her and she quickly retreated, spending the majority of her time on set avoiding him. Now granted, Mr. Talent was clearly taken with her and was simply excited at the prospect of spending time in her company. But. There’s a difference between stalking and pursuing, fellas. Look it up.

But getting back to our story…

“Of course,” I said. “So then what?”

“Well, he called me at the end of the night when I was two seconds to walking in the door and hitting the sack, so I went to sleep.”

“You gonna talk to him again?”

“Probably not. But I wanted to call you and tell you what happened because I knew you’d appreciate it.”

Indeed I did. And if said talent might’ve been a little less full of shit, a little less overly sexually aggressive and a little less scarily stalkerish, he might’ve enjoyed more than the continual sound of my friend’s cell phone going to voicemail.

So here’s my tips to you porno fellas looking to date outside of the usual circles:

• Telling a girl how big your cock is or how many times you can pop in an hour isn’t a valid way to pick-up.

• Asking for double anal on the first date is inadvisable.

• If you have other interests outside of porn, you should discuss them. If you don’t have other interests outside of porn, you likely shouldn’t date outside of porn.

• Don’t bullshit her about what you have or haven’t done, because one trip to the video store or a little Internet research will prove you’re full of it.

• Try using your brain in place of your dick in terms of what runs your mouth.

• Read her signals. If the doorman at her building has been instructed to call the cops if he sees you, you likely took your pursuing into that stalking realm we were talking about.

Best of luck to you all.

Anyone else find it funny that guys who fuck girls for a living still have problems picking up women and dating?  I guess it just goes to show that we’re all in the same boat when it comes to finding a girl you can really connect with as opposed to finding a girl you can just stick your dick into.

I think Mystery should start courting porno guys to take his workshop.  Then they can learn all about comfort building, which most of them seem to know nothing about.  I guess you can only show up to deliver pizza and end up fucking the hot blonde and her roommate who just took a shower so many times before your view of reality gets slightly skewed.

Anyway, you can read the same article on Carly’s site, located here.