Bead P: The Newbie Catch 22
For Newbies, It’s A Catch 22
This article is for guys who want to learn pickup but are too afraid to go into the field. If you’re already good at pickup, don’t bother with this one.
After teaching pickup for the last 5 years, I’ve seen my fair share of guys who read pickup tips and then don’t try any of it. It’s the paramount problem that prevents people from improving.
For some guys, there’s a vicious cycle going on.
They can’t get women because they don’t have a lot of balls.
The won’t get any balls until they go into the field.
They can’t go into the field because they’re too scared of what might happen.
So the process of learning can’t ever begin, because in order to learn pickup, you must spend many hours in the field.
It’s a catch 22. You need the fear to go away so you can go in field, but the fear won’t go away until you go in field.
A lot of newbies are caught in this catch 22. They begin to feel that the field is an unattainable goal, and the only thing that might help their game is to read and study some more.
The bad news is that you can’t read and study your way into a girl’s pants. This isn’t grad school. Memorizing a bunch of theories won’t get you very far.
Furthermore, all of that reading moves many students backwards when it’s done with no field time (see The Forbidden Truth).
The solution to this issue is to make the field more attainable to newbies. In order to get to this goal, we’ll have to go against a few of the core pickup values temporarily.
So if you feel like you’re caught in this catch 22, I want you to suspend disbelief for a moment. This isn’t about finding a perfect 10 and cold approaching her and seducing her for a same night lay. You’ll have to work your way up to that. For now, it’s better to start with much smaller goals.
The first goal is to be able to function and be comfortable in a night life environment.
The second goal is to be able to have a conversation with someone in a night life environment.
The third goal is to be able to talk to a woman or group of women for a good 10 minutes without getting negative or nervous.
If you can do that, you’ve made a small step towards seducing the super hotties you’ve got your eye on. But first things first.
In order to make this extremely easy and attainable, I’d like to turn you on to some of the easiest places to socialize. If you’re advanced, or you already have normal social skills, you can skip the rest of this article. This is purely for the guys who are sitting home reading because they are too scared to go out and meet women.
Here are the 2 easiest settings to socialize in:
1- BBW Parties
What’s a BBW, you might ask? Well it’s a politically correct term for “fat chick.” BBW stands for “big beautiful woman.” There are organizations that throw weekly or month parties for BBWs and their gentleman admirers.
The rejection rate is very low at this kind of event. You don’t have to be good at pickup at all. You don’t have to use any lines or techniques, just show up and start talking off the top of your head and you’ll be fine.
I’m not saying you have to date these women or have sex with them, but you can talk with them so you get used to being in the presence of a woman.
In many ways, they respond the same way a normal woman would respond. So it’s really good practice. If you can get good at gaming BBWs, it’s a small leap to being able to game average girls. Who knows, you might even feel some connection or spark with a woman, or make some good friends.
They have these parties all over the country. Just type your zip code and “BBW party” into Google and you’ll see what I mean. Here’s an example- www.clubbounce.net
2- Goth Clubs
The Goth scene is full of people who have trouble socializing and want to break out of this issue and build relationships with others like themselves. In some ways it’s inspirational. The Goths have turned social isolation into a virtue.
People in the goth scene are extremely friendly and accepting of others. They will talk to anyone, no matter how awkward they may be. Many Goths are overcoming social awkwardness themselves, and the goth scene is a safe haven for them to develop their social skills.
You don’t have to look like a goth or dress like a goth to go to a goth club. They’re not the kind of people who would exclude you based on what you’re wearing. Many people who go to goth clubs are 9 to 5 office worker types. Goth clubs have a lot of people who don’t “look the part.”
The best part is that even if you spend the whole night scared and sulking in the corner by yourself, that actually makes you pretty cool by goth standards.
The bonus is that you also get the occasional super hot goth chick in a corset and pigtails. That will brighten your day.
Even if you’re scared to death of social situations, you’ll probably do OK in these 2 settings.
I hope this helps you make the first small step towards becoming more social.
-Brad P.
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“So then we just shifted to talking about other things, everyday things, in a nice, relaxed atmosphere,” says Savery. “And I was very at ease speaking with Giselle right away. We started having meals together and as the trip went on, we would spend more and more time together.”
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Over the next couple of days, Savery and Giselle also got to know the other solo travelers on board The Canadian. They became a group, and Giselle recalls plenty of moments when they good-naturedly teased Savery “because of him being the only prestige passenger.”
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She appreciated having a gang of new friends. Their company distracted from the inevitable loneliness that would sometimes settle over her in her grief.
When the train arrived in Toronto, Savery and Giselle shared a final dinner together before going their separate ways.
The reservedness that marked their first meal together had all but melted away. It was an evening marked by laughs, recalling favorite memories of the trip across Canada and talking about their lives back home.
The next day, they said goodbye. Appropriately enough, their farewell took place at a train station.
“I was taking the airport shuttle to fly back home to Boston, and Giselle was taking the train to Montreal. So we said, ‘Well, let’s just say goodbye at the train station, since we’re both going to be there at the same time tomorrow,’” recalls Savery.
“We were under the big clock in Toronto station, and she was watching the clock. She said, ‘I really gotta go. I have to catch my train.’ And I just… I said, ‘I can’t not see you again.’”
Their connection didn’t feel romantic — both Giselle and Savery were sure of that. But it felt significant. Both Savery and Giselle felt they’d met a like-minded soul, someone who could be a confidant, who could help them through the next chapter of life which they were unexpectedly navigating alone.
Saying “goodbye” felt too final. So Giselle, who is French-Canadian, suggested they say “au revoir” — which translates as “until we meet again.”
And as soon as they went their separate ways, Giselle and Savery started texting each other.
“Then the texts became phone calls,” recalls Savery.
On these calls, Giselle and Savery spoke about their lives, about what they were up to, about their interests.
“Music was like a common interest that we both shared,” recalls Giselle.
Savery is older than Giselle, and their music references spanned “different eras of music, but very compatible musical interests,” as Giselle puts it.
On one of their phone calls, Giselle mentioned she was considering booking a train trip across North America.
Soon, she and Savery were planning a train journey across the US for the fall of 2024, together.
And in the meantime, Giselle invited Savery to visit her in her home in Victoria, Canada, for a week’s summer vacation.
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Upwards of 63% of the cargo that flows into the Port of Long Beach is from China — the largest share of any US port. But that number is down from 72% in 2016 as retailers shift away from China over simmering trade tensions.
Even so, China still represents a major source of imports into the United States. Maersk, the second largest shipping line in the world, told CNN the cargo volume between the United States and China has fallen by 30-40% compared to normal.
“If we don’t start to see a de-escalation of the situation with China, if we don’t start to see more of those trade deals, then we could be in a situation where some of these effects get more entrenched and are more adverse,” said Maersk CEO Vincent Clerc.
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“Over the last hundred years, scientists and explorers have revealed remarkable new species, epic migrations and dazzling, complex ecosystems beyond anything I could have imagined as a young man,” he says in a press release. “In this film, we share those wonderful discoveries, uncover why our ocean is in such poor health, and, perhaps most importantly, show how it can be restored to health.”
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Giselle Ruemke was a Canadian traveler in her 50s who had, it turned out, a number of things in common with Savery Moore.
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For one, she’d always wanted to travel across Canada on The Canadian. “Taking the train was one of these bucket list things for me,” Giselle tells CNN Travel today.
And, like Savery, Giselle’s spouse had recently died of cancer.
Giselle and her late husband Dave had been friends for decades before they started dating. Within a few whirlwind years they’d fallen in love, got married and navigated Dave’s cancer diagnosis together.
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Then Dave passed away in the summer of 2023, leaving Giselle unmoored and unsure of the future.
In the wake of her grief, booking the trip on The Canadian seemed, to Giselle, “like a good way to connect with myself and see my country, refresh my spirit, a little bit.”
Like Savery, Giselle had always dreamed of taking the VIA Rail Canadian with her late spouse. And like Savery, she’d decided traveling solo was a way of honoring her partner.
“That trip is something that I would have really liked to have done with my husband, Dave. So that was why I was taking the train,” Giselle says today.
But unlike Savery, Giselle hadn’t booked prestige class. She admits she was “sticking it to the man” in her own small way by sitting in the reserved seats that first day.
She’d only moved when Savery arrived. She tells CNN Travel, laughing, that she’d thought to herself: “I better get out of the seat, in case someone prestige wants to sit in that spot.”
Giselle didn’t tell Savery any of this in their first conversation. In fact, she didn’t share much about her life at all in that first encounter.
But Giselle liked his company right away. He was friendly, enthusiastic and respectful — sharing that he was a widower and indicating he knew about Giselle’s loss without prying about the circumstances.
As for Savery, he says, it was “the common bond, the losses of our respective loved ones” that first made him feel a connection to Giselle. But it was also obvious that for Giselle, the loss was much fresher. She clearly didn’t want to talk about Dave that day.
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Crashing waves, glistening sea spray, a calm expanse of deep blue. These are the images that open “Ocean with David Attenborough,” the veteran broadcaster’s latest film. After decades of sharing stories of life on our planet, he tells viewers that: “The most important place on Earth is not on land but at sea.”
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Savery boarded The Canadian on April 1, 2024, in Vancouver. He treated himself to the prestige class ticket, just as he and his late wife had planned.
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It turned out Savery was the only passenger in prestige class. The whole front row of the domed viewing carriage was reserved just for him.
But on the second day of the journey, Savery was surprised when he walked up the stairs into the domed car and saw “the back of someone’s head sitting in one of those reserved seats.”
He raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything, instead sitting on the opposite side of the aisle from the mystery passenger: a woman with long curly hair, reading.
Savery recalls thinking: “She’s reading a book, so obviously can read the sign that says this is for prestige passengers only.”
But he kept the slightly ungenerous thought to himself.
“I didn’t say anything,” he says today. “And after a while, she got up and left without a word.”
Later that day, at dinner, Savery was sharing a table with a friendly couple, chatting about what prompted them to book The Canadian. Savery told them about losing his wife, about deciding to fulfill their shared dream, solo.
“Have you met Giselle?” asked the couple, glancing at one another.
Savery told them, no, he didn’t think he’d met a Giselle yet. The couple described her — tall, long hair.
“I know who that is,” said Savery, realizing the description matched the woman he’d spotted sitting in the prestige class seat.
“She lost her spouse too,” said the couple. “Quite recently.”
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It turned out Savery was the only passenger in prestige class. The whole front row of the domed viewing carriage was reserved just for him.
But on the second day of the journey, Savery was surprised when he walked up the stairs into the domed car and saw “the back of someone’s head sitting in one of those reserved seats.”
He raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything, instead sitting on the opposite side of the aisle from the mystery passenger: a woman with long curly hair, reading.
Savery recalls thinking: “She’s reading a book, so obviously can read the sign that says this is for prestige passengers only.”
But he kept the slightly ungenerous thought to himself.
“I didn’t say anything,” he says today. “And after a while, she got up and left without a word.”
Later that day, at dinner, Savery was sharing a table with a friendly couple, chatting about what prompted them to book The Canadian. Savery told them about losing his wife, about deciding to fulfill their shared dream, solo.
“Have you met Giselle?” asked the couple, glancing at one another.
Savery told them, no, he didn’t think he’d met a Giselle yet. The couple described her — tall, long hair.
“I know who that is,” said Savery, realizing the description matched the woman he’d spotted sitting in the prestige class seat.
“She lost her spouse too,” said the couple. “Quite recently.”
Taking in this information, Savery decided he’d make a conscious effort to seek Giselle out on board the train.
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