Thundercat's Seduction Lair » pure personality

Troubles Being Social – For Beginners

Thundercat — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 17:47:51 +0000

Naistehirm, over on mASF, has a pretty gut-wrenching post about his troubles being a social guy…

Naistehirm writes:
Hey,

okay, I have a problem that I have no idea how to get over, I think I have tried several different methods, but none does the work for me.

Anyway, my prob is that most of the time I’m way too dull and not very talkative. I feel like I have never something to say and my mind seems to be pretty empty all the times, or full of crap like I’m thinking why do I not have anything to say.

I party a lot, but most of the time only cause I force myself to go to parties and be social, but that’s not good since in those cases I absolutely don’t enjoy myself.

Especially when I’m sober I have no clue what to talk about. Normally I am in social circles so my chances of getting girls are by social circle, but I have problems attracting girls when I have no idea what to tell them/or what to speak about, nothing comes to my mind, not even any random shit. Sometimes I’m able to hold conversation for few mins, but out of there it just gets dull and I make an excuse to get out of conversation or sometimes I just ignore people cause I don’t have a clue how to answer their questions or whatever. It’s not that I overthink my answers, it’s just that I feel there’s nothing to say. And this makes me feel very uncomfortable in social situations.

And I go out pretty much every day and I haven’t gotten any better. I haven’t got laid for 1.5 years (and I have really got laid for just once, and it wasn’t very enjoyable, was drunk and didn’t get the girl wet so it wasn’t cool at all).
And cause of me not getting girls and all my friends being succesful it hits my self esteem pretty bad, although it’s not that bad, cause I’m still thinking kind of realistically, and my looks aren’t bad either, so all I’m worried about is that I have nothing to say.

I only feel comfortable in social situations when I have had few beers, but then it lasts for just a while and sometimes it just makes me depressed so I can’t just focus on alcohol, and it would be a lot better if I was able to stay social even when I was sober.

Approaching girls is not a big problem for me, out of my friends I think I seem to be more couraegous about this part, but whenever I approach I can only hold conversation for a little while and then I start feeling uncomfortable cause I can’t move things anywhere.

Most of the discussion my friends do is cocky/funny type of, which seems to work on girls very well, but I rarely manage to do that, and even when I’m able to, then I have been silent for a way too long time and then it can come out either lame or mean or whatever.

Seeing my friends being succesful and me not getting any at all, makes me pretty depressed at times and I really want to get over it, cause atm I feel like I’m never going to get girls or even a relationship.

I feel pretty uncomfortable on 1 on 1 situations too, especially when with girls, because I feel like I’m forced to say something but nothing comes to my mind, not even any random stuff. I only feel comfortable with my guy friends cause then I don’t have to talk so much, so it doesn’t affect anything. But yeah, maybe someone can show me the right direction, what to do or whatever…

Thank you.

Here’s the thing about being social…

Being good at social interactions is about feeling comfortable, relaxed and happy. It should be no secret that your emotional state influences how you interact with others, and the guys who have troubles with social interactions typically allow their emotions of feeling uncomfortable or pressured to “perform” overcome them, and when that happens, it’s just a spiral downwards.

Here’s what used to happen to me in social situations – and I can TOTALLY relate to Naistehirm when it comes to this…

I’d go out with my friends to a bar, party, whatever. I’d see tons of hot girls I’d want to sleep with, and in my mind, I’d think to myself “Damn, I really need to talk to some of these girls!” But when I thought that, I was putting pressure on myself to step outside my comfort zone. This added pressure made me nervous. When I did finally approach a girl, my nerves would be so overwhelming I couldn’t think of what to say, and the conversation would peeter out. Afterwards, I’d feel stupid and beat myself up for “failing.” That just made me feel worse, and depressed. At that point, I didn’t want to talk to anyone because I felt like a loser. And the fact that I couldn’t enjoy myself and talk to girls made me feel like even MORE of a loser, to the point where I wanted to get out of the social situation all together.

Some guys drink to avoid letting their nerves get the best of them. I never did – mostly because when I introduced alcohol into the equation, it just amplified my feelings of depression when they hit.

So a BIG part of being social is learning to control your emotional state. If you can make yourself feel relaxed, calm, happy, confident, etc., things become much easier for you.

The second part is to remove any and all pressure to “perform” in a social situation. Too many guys go out thinking “I gotta get laid tonight!” So they push for that to happen, and the more it looks like it won’t, the worse they feel because in their mind, they are “failing.” A better goal for the night is to go out an “have a good time.” This is infinitely easier to do because it comes down to your enjoyment factor.

I know what you’re thinking, though. You’re thinking – “But Thundercat, to me, having a good time is getting laid!” Well, I tend to agree with you. HOWEVER – if you succeed in having fun, it makes getting laid WAY easier than if you go out prowling for punani like some PUA predator. This is because women are attracted to guys who are having fun and having a good time! Why? Because women like to have fun too! And if they have fun with YOU, it makes building attraction way easier.

The final aspect of the “being social” formula is rapport building. This is where conversation comes into play. If you have a hard time “thinking” about what to say to a girl, you’re doing something wrong. Conversation flows naturally, but it does so within a structured pattern. This is why I teach my Fish & Hook method (explained in excruciating detail in the Art Of Approaching /shamelessplug). The Fish & Hook method goes something like this:

1. Ask a question

2. Get her answer

3. Tell a story related to her answer

In essence, you’re “fishing” for something to “hook” into. You ask her a question like “Where are you from?” and she says “Chicago.” You then tell a story about this one time you went to Chicago and had the best pizza ever. (OR something related to Chicago)

At this point, the girl might start talking to you about her favorite pizza joints in Chicago. That can lead to a conversation about cooking. You ask her “You ever make your own pizza? Do you cook?” She answers, and then you tell a story about you trying to cook that relates to her answer. And you keep this up for as long as it takes to get a proper level of rapport.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

There’s no such thing as a truly boring person. Everyone has stuff they are passionate about in their lives. Some people don’t get as excited about those passions as they might, but regardless, if you can find enough “commonalities” with the person you are talking to and build rapport, conversation starts to flow very easily.

And if you’re REALLY stuck, check out Pure Personality. It’s a great way to beef up your social skills.

Easy Ways To Talk To Women

Thundercat — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 13:05:17 +0000

DrWho over at mASF has a problem keeping conversations going with women.

DrWho writes:

Hi everyone,

for quite some time my largest problems is to be keeping conversations going and interesting. I could improve things a little by memorizing canned material and regularly surfing the internet for cool, fun stuff to talk about. I know about the typical topics girls like to talk about (psychology, esoterica, relationships, celebrities, emotionally stimulating stuff, etc.) and try to specifically look for the right stuff. I am able to show the right emotional state to make girls talkative (relaxed, playfully funny, energetic). Still most of the time a don’t have a fucking idea what to say – and the chick also not.

When I open a chick or get opened by one (yes, it happens to me every half a year or so), after a few sentences the conversation stalls because nothing comes to my mind. If I hang out with a girl quickly we start talking about the weather or just walk along in silence.

Previously I believed it is mostly a mind blank due to panic, but watching it for some time I notice I also don’t know what to say to people when I’m relaxed and nothing is at stake. I guess I’m not very creative and I think creativity is something very hard to learn. So I’m stuck.

I’m wondering if there is some more systematic way to find conversation topics than ‘just say what comes to your mind first’. I like ideas like the routine to watch the people around you looking for something to talk about to your target (still this one doesn’t work well most of the time because I rarely find interesting things to mention). Someone knows of a structured method of coming up with a conversation topic or a good book on the topic?

I hope I don’t get shot down because I emphasize that I want something systematic. I think this is reasonable because being creative in a structured way is much easier than doing it completely free. If someone is interested the article below should bring this point across.

I can definitely sympathize with DrWho here. Having a hard time carrying on conversations is a pretty common problem and I used to suffer from the same thing. After all, conversation is WORK. It requires mental engagement and interest in what you’re talking about.

In my course Pure Personality, I teach a method that I call “conversational ninjitsu” that allows you to carry on conversations effortlessly by following a few easy steps. Once you get the hang of it, it can be quite effective.

But barring buying a full course or memorizing a bunch of canned material, the method I’ve found most effective in talking and carrying on conversation is a very simple “fish and hook” method.

Basically, you can think of it like “Question and Answer time.”

Just ask someone questions until you find something you can relate to, and then share a story of your own that relates to the answer.

So for example, you could have an exchange like:

You: “Where are you from?”
Them: “Chicago.”
You: “Really? I’ve always wanted to go to Chicago and visit the Sears Tower. Have you ever been there?”
Them: “Oh yeah, it’s great!”
You: “Cool. If you could visit any location on Earth, where would you want to go?”

etc., etc.

It’s not rocket science, but it is effective.

Pure Personality

Thundercat — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 18:06:18 +0000

Hey guys,

Pure Personality is now officially live! This is what you’d call my “attraction” course, I guess, since it is all about how to be more attractive to women – no matter what you look like.

Check it out here:

http://www.looks-dont-matter.com

The feedback I’ve been getting from the course so far has been great! And you can still view some of my old videos on the site.

Pure Personality Is Released TOMORROW!

Thundercat — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 23:01:03 +0000

Hey guys,

Just a quick note to you – for the last two months I’ve been releasing lots of audio and video stuff about my Pure Personality course.

If you have missed ANY of them, now is the time to check them out, because I’ll be taking them down tomorrow when the course is released at 9:00 am Pacific, 12:00 pm Eastern time.

Just go to:

http://www.looks-dont-matter.com

You can find them all there.

I’d really encourage you guys to check out the course. It has helped my game tremendously, and I know it will probably seriously help anyone else’s game as well.

We have a lot of heavy hitters involved in the course, including – AFC Adam, Brad P, and Barry Kirkey.

We also have a lot of NON-community people involved as well.

In fact, let me give you a run down of what is in the course…

===========
The Videos
===========

This is the first course I’ve ever made that actually utilizes a lot of video, so I wanted to be sure that the videos KICKED ASS.

The videos should be very easy for you guys to follow, and have a LOT of information in each one.

Video 1: The Addiction Method Part 1

The addiction method is the foundation for the Pure Personality course, and in this video, I explain the first part of the method on how to get people addicted to your Personality.

In this video, I go into great detail on how to “create your character” and cultivate a “social mask.”

The cool thing about this method is that you aren’t “acting” or trying to be someone you’re not.

This is all about taking the best qualities of you who are NATURALLY and bringing them to the forefront in a way where as many people get exposed to it as possible.

Video 2: The Addiction Method Part 2

The second part of the Addiction Method is all about teaching you how to tell STORIES.

See, storytelling is the method by which people learn about your character! And the better stories you tell, the more addicted people will become to who you are.

In fact – they will actively seek to have you around as much as possible!

And better than that, they’ll start telling their FRIENDS about you and repeating your stories to others, effectively growing you reputation.

Can you see how powerful this can be when it comes to attracting women?

Video 3: How To Be The Life Of The Party

This technique goes hand-in-hand with the addiction method.

I have developed a system where you can enter into any social situation – a bar, club, party, business meeting, whatever – and instantly be the center of attention.

Here, we’ll use the Butterfly Effect to meet lots and lots of people, but we’ll also use some covert tactics to build our reputation and help us deliver the Addiction Method techniques.

Video 4: Conversational Ninjitsu

A HUGE part of personality is being able to hold fascinating conversations with anyone you want.

Too often, guys stumble in conversation with women. Things might go good for a while, but then the dreaded “awkward silence” sets in and you run out of things to say.

Conversational Ninjitsu is a covert method of keeping the conversation going, effectively eliminating awkward silences and making all conversation seem natural and effortless.

Video 5: How To Be Funny

A big part of having a great personality is about how to make people laugh. In this in-depth video, I go into a number of proven techniques to help make even the dullest guy FUNNY.

This isn’t just some collection of lame jokes. I actually break down many different TYPES of humor and show you how to use them to get laughs from pretty much anyone.

More importantly, though, I’ll show you what to do when a joke goes BAD, and how to quickly recover from anything that “falls flat.”

Video 6: How To Tease

Teasing women can be a powerful tool in your attraction arsenal. Unfortunately, lots of guys tease women the WRONG WAY, and can come off as “jerks” or offensive.

In this video, I lay out a number of different proven and effective teasing techniques you can
use to get powerful reactions from women every single time.

Anyone who’s ever tried to use “Cocky and Funny” methods to pick up women before MUST see this video!

Video 7: An Interview With Brad P.

Brad P is one of the most interesting guys I’ve ever met, and in this 60 minute video, I sit down with Brad and pick his brain about all his best personality techniques.

Brand and I are good friends, so we talk about some really killer information in this video, and you get to see a different perspective on the whole “Personality Game.”

Bonus Videos: Non-Verbal Personality

Personality isn’t just based around what you say, it’s also based around what you do and how you act.

In a special bonus video section, I go into detail on how you can use your body language to communicate personality.

This is really powerful stuff that can show anyone what a cool, funny, fun guy you are without ever having to open your mouth!

===============
The Audios
===============

In addition to the video material, I tracked down and interviewed a number of Personality Experts who reveal their best tips and techniques for how to be funny, interesting, and cool around girls.

Audio #1: Interview With Adam Lyons

Adam is one of the most naturally gifted new pick-up instructors in the scene. His skills are almost completely based on his personality, and in this interview, I peg him down and get him to reveal all his secrets on how a scrawny geek like him uses his personality to hook up with super-model quality women night after night.

Audio #2: Interview With Barry Kirkey

Some of you might know Barry as “Extramask” from Neil Strauss’s book The Game. Barry is a talented comedian living in Canada, and he’s also quite knowledgeable about the dating scene, having been an instructor in the men’s dating advice field for some time.

In this candid interview, I get Barry to open up about his off-the-wall humor methods, and how you can use them to get women attracted to you in no time flat.

Audio #3: Interview With Joe Falzerano

Joe Falzerano is a professional comedian who teaches other comedians how to perform stand-up comedy. Joe’s workshop is based out of Los Angeles, and he’s taught some very recognizable names in the entertainment field how to be funny. And in this interview, Joe goes over his teaching methods that can take any man, and make him a funny guy.

Audio #4: Interview With Mike Piantedosi

This was a bit of a strage interview, because Mike is one of my Best Friends from High School, and he is one of the funniest guys I have ever met.

Like me, Mike is a self-admitted “Fat, Bald, And Ugly” dude. But his personality is so strong, that he is able to attract insanely hot girls whenever he wants.

Mike’s story is truly inspiring, and his methods are incredibly effective.

Audio #5: Interview With Richard Miller

Richard is one of David DeAngelo’s top students, and the “king” of cocky comedy methods. Richard is another “fat guy” who uses his humor and personality to attract women, and he’s EXTREMELY good at it!

In this interview, I sit down and get Richard to share all his personality techniques with me, including a few unknown tricks taught to him by David DeAngelo himself!

Audio #6: Interview With Steve Roye

Steve is a professional stand-up comedian, and a teacher in the field of comedy. In this interview, I get Steve to open up and share how he creates his material from scratch, and how anyone can create incredible jokes and stories that will captivate any audience.

Audio #7: Interview With Tony Piccasso

Also known as the “Cardfather,” Tony is a Las Vegas Magician who enraptures any audience he has. I ran into Tony at the Magic Castle here in Hollywood and was so impressed, I had to BEG him to let me interview him!

In this interview, Tony reveals how he cultivates his persona, creates an unforgettable character, and entertains his audience.

This is one of the most unique interviews you’ll ever hear, as Tony reveals an amazing step-by-step system he uses to create “instant fame” no matter where he goes.

If you’ve ever wanted to know how to create a rockstar like persona, this is the interview that reveals how!

====================
The Text
====================

In addition to all the multimedia, we also have some good, old fashioned text to go along with it!

Included in the course is a full Charm School manual that will teach you how to charm any woman you meet.

In addition to that, I’ve also created a number of assignments to help you learn how to use the techniques described in the course.

This method is specifically DESIGNED to help you start naturally attracting women based on your personality.

I also have some great bonuses lined up for the first 100 people who get the course, not the least of which is my “Live Training Sessions” where we get you on the phone with a girl to practice your personality skills and get feedback.

Trust me when I say – NO OTHER course out there goes as in-depth into the subject of “natural attraction” as Pure Personality does.

So don’t miss out, and be sure to reserve your copy of the course when it’s released on Saturday, August 30th, at 9:00 am Pacific time and 12:00 pm Eastern time.

Remember – you’ll get INSTANT ACCESS to the whole course right after you sign up! No waiting for it to arrive in the mail. You can start learning the techniques immediately.

But you’ll also get a PHYSICAL copy of the course if you stay past the 56 day refund period.

The link to sign up for your course will be:

http://www.looks-dont-matter.com

So don’t forget it!

Now let the anti-capitalism comments begin…

The BootyCast Episode 6 – Who’s Got Personality?

Thundercat — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 22:48:08 +0000

Hey guys,

Sorry today’s episode is so late. I had a number of technical difficulties that caused me to waste a lot of time trying to get it uploaded to the server.

This week’s BootCast episode comes in at a brisk 1:51:34. In this week’s episode, we talk about:

Ross Jeffries Devil Worship
PUA Business Stuff
Gunwitch Thinks I’m Mad At Him
The CEO Of Stylelife Is A Douche
Using Personality To Attract Women
Tyler Stepping Down As RSD Figurehead

Click Here To Download The MP3

Please leave your comments about the show on the blog. (Yes, we do read your comments!)