Taffer wrote:

Can't Close The Deal?

I ought to cut back on drinking, or texting, or the combination of both.

Last three girls I came close to bedding have courteously responded in a similar manner after my reinitiation attempts, questioning my game efficiency.

All three girls have this in common.

- initially very high attraction to me (kino, make outs, day2s)
- okay Day2s with one leading to Day3 and crappy sex performance on my side
- Immeditaley unavailable following Day2/3 180 change in ther attraction and commitment to seeing me

I could attribute this to, persistent periodic texting.
If I have a good Day2 I obviously wanna see this girl again in a week or two. Maybe I tried to set up the next date too soon because I waited as little as 4 days to 10 days after day2 to schedule next encounter.

Maybe it’s my personality, I’m very open-book type of guy which may put some people off.

There’s a chance I came across too relationshippy and didn’t continue to keep the attraction up.

Last girl responded with a version of this,

“Taffer, you’re a deeply loving individual deserving best treatment. I had a lovely time, but I’m seeing somebody else these days”

I’m aghast to have yet another girl responding with this “heartfelt” crap.

So I’m a great, awesome, caring guy, for SOMEONE ELSE! Tired of this crap.

How do I even react to something like this?
Lacking major calibration somewhere.

I’m at my wits end here folks. I’d appreciate any input you guys can offer.

There is definitely an issue going on here.  Typically, you have to have some measure of attraction to get a Day 2 (meeting after the initial encounter), so Taffer is definitely doing something right there.  But his game falls apart shortly thereafter with his Day 2 strategy.  Here’s why…

First of all, Day 2s are about building rapport and escalating attraction.  This is really the essential part that MUST be done if you’re looking to advance the relationship.  (I explain all of this in my course Consistent Close.)  You must keep building that comfort and trust and enhancing the attraction between you two if you want any shot of moving beyond a Day 2.  Closing with a make-out is always a good goal at the end of the date.

Second of all, 90% of pick-up is about the follow-up.  If you notice, Taffer thinks he’s texting the girl too much and that’s what’s getting him in trouble.  It’s not.  In fact, texting with a girl a lot is a GOOD thing because it keeps those connections you created alive and deepens rapport with her, eventually making her easier to close.  His problem is the “waiting 4 to 10 days to schedule the next encounter.”  Waiting too long to set up the next date can be a kiss of death when it comes to closing a girl.  You gotta strike while the iron is hot.  Try to set up the next meeting immediately or soon after the Day 2.  You can set up the next date for 4-10 days later if your both busy, but don’t WAIT that long to broach the subject!

So much about pick-up is timing.  You gotta act fast, because before you sleep with a girl, she has nothing invested in you.  After sleeping with her once (and preferably doing a good job so she’ll want to do it again), then you can relax on setting up the dates.  But until that happens, you gotta stay on the ball.

Allowing too much time to pass between meetings will allow any attraction you built up to dissipate, and you’ll also communicate that maybe you’re not really that interested in her, which will cause the girl to LJBF you.  If you set up a meeting right away and keep the connection and attraction strong with frequent flirty texting and phone sessions, the Day 3 should be a guaranteed lay.

Regal writes:

I’ve never really been the kind of guy who got the “Let’s just be friends” speech — I’m typically too aggressive / inconsiderate to realistically be considered “friends” material by women.

That said, I’ll hear it occassionally if I’m escalating with a girl who’s trying to resist me — maybe she wants to slow things down because she likes me as a boyfriend, or maybe she’s in a committed relationship or has reservations about me for some other reason or she just hasn’t decided she’s ready to sleep with me yet.

When you get something like, “Maybe it’s better if we’re just friends,” or, “I think you’d make a good friend,” there’s one easy, powerful statement you can make to shut that down and communicate your intentions:

“I don’t want to be your friend.”

Say it with a half-smile and bedroom eyes… and be sexy about it.

Nice guys won’t use this line, because they’re too scared to risk losing the girl in question from their lives by telling her they don’t want to be her friend. “Oh no, if I tell her I don’t want her as a friend, she’ll leave me!” they think. Then, they keep her as a friend while she sleeps with some other, stronger man.

When you tell her this, you instantly show her you’re not one of those guys.

Another reason it’s a strong statement is that it makes it clear what you DO want; if you’re spending time with her, touching her, laughing with her, but you don’t want to be her friend, there’s only one other thing you CAN be.

And you also force her to make a choice. She knows now that you’re not going to be her friend. She also knows that it’s your intention to sleep with her. If she chooses to stay with you, she’s accepting your advances. So, in making this statement, you force her to make a conscious decision to accept your advances. And since the force of inertia means it’s a lot easier for her to stay and accept it than fight it and leave, unless she hates your guts she’s not going to go.

Obviously, this won’t work if she doesn’t actually LIKE you… but if you’re sexy and you’re doing what you should be doing, this is a strong statement that swats objections out of the way and ramps up her attraction for you. It’s lain along the path to a few lays for me, and I don’t hear this objection a whole lot.

Next time you do, give it a try…

I couldn’t agree with this more.  Too often, guys allow the girl they are with to set the frame.  When she says she just “wants to be friends,” most guys accept that as being true and try to deal with it.  What Regal is suggesting here is totally dismissing the premise of that frame entirely and having her choose to accept your frame or not.

Good stuff.