Dan & Jennifer have a good article up on their blog about 5 techniques you can use to banish people from your life who keep you down and spread negativity like a cancer.  Check it out…

Negative “energy vampires” are not living a life full of happiness and success, yet they will happily drag you down to their level unless you escape their clutches before it is too late!

Use these 5 basic guidelines as an outline that will help to safeguard you from negativity, and will also help you to identify negative people so that you can remove yourself from their sphere of influence.

Once you have internalized not practicing the following unsuccessful habits, you will suddenly start noticing people in your life who consistently practice them on an almost daily basis.

1. No Gossiping

It doesn’t matter how justified you think you are in talking about other people’s perceived shortcomings, doing so will never serve to bring about positive results.

When people do things that you don’t agree with or that you don’t understand, all that demonstrates is that they do not see life in the same way that you see it. It doesn’t it make them a bad person, it just means that their understanding of any given situation is different than yours.

Granted, in many circumstances it may seem painfully obvious that someone could have handled a situation in a more positive manner. However, even if that is the case, rehashing the details with other people will only perpetuate the negativity.

In addition, many people thrive on discourse and chaos, so by participating in negative discussions about others, all you are doing is indirectly giving people permission to continue adding fuel to that fire. When you are seen as a “negative fuel source,” you will invariably find that people will continue stopping by to get a fill-up!

2. No Whining or Complaining

Let me ask you this: Does whining or complaining about any given situation actually do anyone any good whatsoever?

I’m not talking about constructive criticism, learning from our mistakes, or recognizing pitfalls so that we can avoid them in the future. No, I’m talking about when a situation is already clearly less than desirable, yet you continue to talk about how undesirable it is!

When the office thermostat is broken and it is cold as a deep-freeze in your building, will anything be gained by continuing to repeat the obvious? If your spouse or significant other is being (in your opinion) unreasonable, are you going to gain anything by constantly spouting off about how upset you are about the situation?

Complaining accomplishes absolutely nothing other than drawing attention to an already less than favorable set of circumstances. If something is worth complaining about, then it is also worth taking action on. Stop whining, and start taking action, because if you don’t, all of the whiners and complainers will crowd around you in order to get their negativity fix.

3. No Co-Dependency

All of us have friends, family members, or co-workers who bring real-world negative issues to us, and ask for our input. Sometimes they are looking for advice, while other times they just want to “vent”.

In either case, however, pumping up their already negative point of view by agreeing how terrible any given situation is will only serve to cement in their minds how terrible that situation is! In addition, you will be sending them the clear signal that you are willing to be a sounding board for their complaints in the future.

Rather than rallying the forces of negativity in order to combat someone’s issues, instead just provide for them a calming, reassuring voice of reason when their lives are in turmoil. Don’t turn your back on them, but don’t fuel their point of view that they are the “victim” either.

Instead, listen with a compassionate ear while keeping your own feelings in check. You will do them much more of a service by helping them to find a positive spin on their situation rather than becoming a participant in their negativity.

4. No Cross Contamination

It is impossible to swim in a river full of muddy water, yet still be able to get out of that river without a speck of dirt on you. The only way to avoid that dirt – or that negativity – is to refuse to take a dip into that river in the first place.

From an emotional standpoint, it is not possible for you to participate in negativity, and then go back into your positive bubble without dragging some of that negativity in with you.

Most people would say that it is not possible for them to completely avoid negativity, and I would tend to agree. However, just because you are physically present in a situation does not mean that you need to actually participate on an emotional level.

You can be involved in a discussion or in the resolution of a negative situation without allowing your own emotional set point to drop down to a less-than positive level. When life throws negativity at you, stay in the game, but practice equanimity in order to handle the situation without allowing the negative vibrations to affect you on an individual level.

5. No Being “Holier than Thou”

After finding all of these great ways to recognize and avoid negativity, it becomes very easy to think that you are somehow “different” than everyone else. You start to feel “enlightened” and you recognize how a large number of the people in your life are on planes, trains, and automobiles that are all headed in the wrong direction.

Here’s a clue: get a grip on yourself! You are no better, nor any worse than any of those people. Those people are neither better, nor any worse than you.

The only difference between the “enlightened” you and the people who practice negativity is that you see things from a different point of view than they do. It is not appropriate for you to try to force your way of thinking onto those people, and in most cases it is also quite impossible.

By running around life with an attitude that you are somehow better than other people, all you will do is serve to alienate most of the people around you. Then, before you know it, other “holier than thou” individuals will start to flock to your side. Then all you will have accomplished is serving to divide your circle of influence into people who live on the “right” or the “wrong” side of the tracks – from your point of view.

Conclusion: By following guidelines similar to the methods that you just read, and by  practicing the fine art of being positive, you will begin to enjoy your life and consciously create it to be whatever it is that you want it to be.

That’s the prize.

However, be advised that these success habits are just that – habits. Only practicing them when it is convenient for you to do so will only bring about positive results in small doses. Consistency is key.

Also, be prepared to burn some bridges in the process. Right now in your life there are probably people who will fade away completely when they realize that you will not be participating in their drama anymore.

The ladder of success is never crowded at the top!

These are some good tips to keep you feeling positive and focused on positivity.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that being positive is an incredibly attractive trait in any person, and you can’t go wrong with filling your life with good, positive habits!

Sometimes, the girl just doesn't give up the booty.

So you found a girl, built up attraction, and did everything you were supposed to do, yet you can’t seem to close the deal.  What’s wrong?  Why can’t you get her between the sheets?  Well, sometimes its nothing you’ve done wrong, rather, there are circumstances that are beyond your control.  Here are 7 reasons why a girl might not want to sleep with you…

7.  She’s on Her Period:  She may not tell you that that’s the reason, but it’s always a possibility. Has she mentioned that she’s been head-achey or has some cramps? Has she excused herself to the bathroom a bit more than usual? Did she stab you at dinner? These are good indicators.

6. She Didn’t Shave and She’s Embarrassed:  To quote one of my female friends that this happened to, “Unexpected sex has unanticipated consequences.” Some women specifically believe that sex will NOT be happening on a particular night. But she’s got a right to change her mind, doesn’t she? We think so. So whether it’s a burning bush of biblical proportions or just some leg scruff, keep in mind how embarrassed you’d be if you forgot to brush your teeth and your lady wanted a little tongue action.

5.  She Thinks You’ll Think She’s a Slut:  I could literally write a whole educational thesis on this topic, but I’ll spare you. Whether you think she is or isn’t a slut doesn’t make a difference with this situation, unfortunately. How well you can communicate to her that you’re not going to view her any differently and that you’re comfortable with whatever she’s comfortable with will help, though.

4.  You Hesitated:  Okay, we do have to touch on one reason it could be you. It’s because you hesitated. Women turn on like an oven and off like a light. Men turn on like a light and off like an oven. So if you’re basting an 8 lb. bird twice per hour for 5 hours at 350 degrees, how turned on is she? Wait, I forgot what we were talking about. Anyway, if you hesitate when making your moves she’ll be able to sense your insecurity and that can easily ruin the outcome of your evening. Be firm with your actions, but mindful of her needs.

3.  She is Worried You’ll Get Rid of Her:  Some guys are very goal-oriented and will work hard to get into a girl’s pants and then get the hell out of dodge right after because “mission accomplished.” Other guys work hard to create a connection so he can eventually wife her up proper. But, whether it’s the goal, the byproduct or an exit strategy, sex is often on a guy’s mind. If you care about the girl you’re with and get a sense of what her concerns might be, then a little patience will go a long way.

2.  She Really Likes You:  Sometimes you can tell how much a new girl likes you and then when she wants to take things slow it’s almost like a logic hiccup in a guy’s mind. But, try to keep things in perspective. The fact that she likes you enough to want to slow you down is a good thing and another situation where your patience will add a lot of value to the relationship.

1.  It’s a Power Play:  Sometimes women withhold sex to put themselves in a position of power. If this is the case with your girl, then have a conversation about it so that a power struggle doesn’t occur. Or just run for the hills.

Gurrrrrrrrrr

As usual, science shows up to kick some knowledge into your face!

Men who cheat on their spouses have always enjoyed an expedient explanation: Evolution made me do it. Many articles (here is one, and here is another), especially in recent years, have explored the theory that men sleep around because evolution has programmed them to seek fertile (and, conveniently, younger) wombs.

But what about women? If it’s really true that evolution can cause a man to risk his marriage, what effect does that have on women’s sexuality?

A new journal article suggests that evolutionary forces also push women to be more sexual, although in unexpected ways. University of Texas psychologist David Buss wrote the article, which appears in the July issue of Personality and Individual Differences, with the help of three graduate students, Judith Easton (who is listed as lead author), Jaime Confer and Cari Goetz. Buss, Easton and their colleagues found that women in their 30s and early 40s are significantly more sexual than younger women. Women ages 27 through 45 report not only having more sexual fantasies (and more intense sexual fantasies) than women ages 18 through 26 but also having more sex, period. And they are more willing than younger women to have casual sex, even one-night stands. In other words, despite the girls-gone-wild image of promiscuous college women, it is women in their middle years who are America’s most sexually industrious. (See the top 10 political sex scandals.)

By contrast, men’s sexual interest and output, usually measured by a reported number of orgasms per week, peaks in the teen years and then settles to a steady level (an average of three orgasms per week) for most of their lives. As I pointed out in March, most men remain sexually active into their 70s. According to the new study, as well as the study I wrote about in March, women’s sexual ardor declines precipitously after menopause.

Why would women be more sexually active in their middle years than in their teens and 20s? Buss and his students say evolution has encouraged women to be more sexually active as their fertility begins to decline and as menopause approaches.

Here’s how their theory works:

Our female ancestors grew accustomed to watching many of their children — perhaps as many as half — die of various diseases, starvation, warfare and so on before being able to have kids of their own. This trauma left a psychological imprint to bear as many children as possible. Becoming pregnant is much easier for women and girls in their teens and early 20s — so much easier that they need not spend much time having sex. (See photos of the history of the cougar.)

However, after the mid-20s, the lizard-brain impulse to have more kids faces a stark reality: it’s harder and harder to get pregnant as a woman’s remaining eggs age. And so women in their middle years respond by seeking more and more sex.

To test this theory, Buss and his students asked 827 women to complete questionnaires about their sexual habits. And, indeed, they found that women who had passed their peak fertility years but not quite reached menopause were the most sexually active. This age group — 27 through 45 — reported having significantly more sex than the two other age groups in the study, 18 through 26 and 46 and up. Women in their middle years were also more likely than the younger women to fantasize about someone other than their current partner. The new findings are consistent with those of an earlier Buss paper, from 2002, which found that women in their early 30s feel more lustful and report less abstinence than women in other age groups. In both studies, these findings held true for both partnered and single women, meaning that married women in their 30s and early 40s tend to have more sex than married women in their early 20s; ditto for single women. Also, whether the women were mothers didn’t matter. Only age had a strong affect on women’s reported sexual interest and behavior. (Read about cougar cruises.)

And yet there are a few flaws with the data in the new paper. Chiefly: some three-quarters of the participants in the study were recruited on Craigslist, a website where many go to seek hookups, meaning there was a self-selection problem with the sample. (The other participants were students at the University of Texas in Austin.) The authors also note that there are some alternative explanations for why women in their 30s and early 40s might be more sexual. Many of them may simply be more comfortable with sex than women in their teens and early 20s. Still, that raises the question of why they are more comfortable: perhaps evolution programmed that comfort.

Buss is the author of The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating, now in its fourth edition, and has become associated with evolutionary explanations for sexual behavior. His theories help explain why men can be cads — and why women can be cougars.

I thought this was pretty interesting, especially the part about how evolution has prepared women to bare children in their younger and most fertile years, and as they get older and it becomes more difficult to have children, they seek out more sexual pleasure.

That’s not to say younger women don’t get horny and want sex.  Cause obviously, they do.  And the whole “cougar” phenomena has to do with older women aggressively going after younger men.  According to this study, women in the age range of 27-45 are the most sexually active, but its unclear who they’re sexually active WITH.  They can’t all be going for younger guys, can they?

But that is a pretty interesting find.  The next time you do an online dating search, set the age range to 27-45 and see what you get.  I guess your chances of getting lucky with that age range is much higher!

Brian10212 over on the PUA Forums had a question about paying for girls on dates…

Brian10212 writes:

I know it’s not a good idea to pay for girls when you first meet them but what about what you have texted them awhile back and forth or talked to them on the phone multiple times? They want to go out later and if you go to a bar or get something to eat then how do you guys handle the situation when the bill comes?

This is an interesting question because there are a lot of factors involved when it comes to picking up the tab on a date.

The first of which is whether or not you can afford to pay for dates.  I mean, most people are employed and have money, but I’m well aware there are guys out there who don’t have any extra cash to drop on a girl – especially girls who aren’t giving it up quite yet.

If you can’t afford to take girls out, then you gotta make it clear you wanna go dutch (ie: have her pay for herself and you pay for yourself) before you meet up.  Just ask her if its cool if you meet somewhere cheap because you’ve got a big bill coming due and you can’t afford to treat her at that time.  Don’t make it sound like your broke, just that your money is tied up at the moment.

However, if you’re not completely broke, here are my guidelines for when it comes to paying for chicks…

First of all, if you invite a girl out with you, its only polite that you be the one to pay.  After all, she wouldn’t be going out if it wasn’t for you.  So if I ask a girl to meet up, I’ll typically offer to pick up the bill when it comes around.  (By the way, a good trick is to not tell her you’re going to pick up the bill until it comes.  This way she’ll typically not order all that much.)

Try and schedule dates after meal times so you can avoid paying for food.  A good trick is to ask her when she’s going to eat dinner, then schedule to meet up an hour or two after that time for drinks, which are usually cheaper than meals.

When you’re meeting up for dates, go someplace low key and cheap, like a coffee shop or something.  However, if you transition to a bar, be prepared to pick up the tab for her drinks.

If the girl offers to pay, let her if you want.  I’ll usually say “That’s not necessary, I got this,” but if the girl insists on paying for herself, let her.  Some girls do this because they want to be independent, but some do it because they don’t want to sleep with you and don’t want you to feel like they’re taking advantage of you.  So don’t insist on paying unless you feel like burning some cash.

If you really wanna get sneaky, you can buy the first round at the bar, and then say “Next rounds on you!”  If the girl agrees, she’ll buy the next round.  If not, she won’t order anything more and you just saved yourself some cash.

Typically, I try to keep dates to $50 or less if its a girl I’m not sleeping with.  Some girls will use guys as ATMs with legs just to get free meals and drinks and stuff, and never give you anything in return, so beware of girls like this and keep the budget low.  However, if a girl is nice, and fun, and I’m already sleeping with her, I won’t be afraid to take her out to dinner or something like that.  Just pay attention to whether or not you feel like you’re being taken advantage of.

Also, I don’t base my spending habits on whether or not I’ve talked and texted with a girl for a while before meeting up.  I base it on the number of face-to-face meetings.  First date is always something casual and cheap, like meeting up for drinks at a cafe or coffee shop.  If we meet up again, then maybe I’ll take her out to dinner, or go to a bar.  If there’s a third date, I’ll pay no problem.  Your willingness to pay should go up with the number of times you see the girl face-to-face, not how often you’re in contact with her.

Of course, you can make it so that you never spend any significant amount of money on a girl, but eventually you might come off as being too cheap.  It really depends on how much you like the girl.  If she’s just a booty call you’re chasing, you’ll spend less on a girl like that than a girl you actually want to have a relationship with.

This is one of those topics I can’t believe hasn’t been written about more often. After all, by definition if you’re “single” that means you either live alone or with roommates.

Sure, some of us like having a place to ourselves. If that’s the case, and we have the means to afford such an arrangement, that’s fine. But the reality is that lots of us get roommates, be that for financial reasons or even for social reasons.

Social reasons?

Sure. For starters, you may be of the opinion that it’s nice to have someone around to hang out with when you DON’T have a woman visiting.

And if you’re talking about having MORE THAN ONE roommate, there’s something about a house full of guys that seems to encourage women to “drop in” more frequently.

That can be a good thing.

Back when I lived in Arizona, I lived alone in a one-bedroom apartment for a few months before finally moving into a rented house with three other guys.
My roommates and I had a common interest in fast motorcycles, which the garage was therefore packed with. And let’s just say that there were more women around that house on a regular basis than I was used to back when it was just me in my apartment and my bike parked out in the parking lot with a cover over it.

In fact, I look upon those days in that house as some of the best of my life. There was ALWAYS something going on, and attractive women were usually part of it.
Now, notice that my roommates and I in that particular scenario had a very key COMMON INTEREST.

Note also that we were ALL FRIENDS before deciding to move in together. That’s not to say we never had a few testosterone-fueled differences along the way, but the fact that we pretty much knew what to expect from each other beforehand proved to be major.

On top of all that, we were all relatively equal in terms of social skill, ability to interact with women, etc.

Add all of this up, and we had a situation where it was reasonable to expect that nobody was going to drag down anyone else’s social status or even flat-out embarrass someone. In fact, we basically “winged” for each other all the time…even when women dropped in to visit.

So yeah, choosing a roommate (or roommates) cannot be treated as a “random” decision. The last thing you want when you’re getting better and better with women is to be stuck with a roommate who is utterly dateless…and bitter about it. The dichotomy between your respective levels of success may cause him to try to sabotage your good fortune, possibly by saying embarrassing things when you bring a woman over or even “refusing to yield” when you’re ready for some “alone time”.

I mean, think about it. Life would be a nightmare for your ROOMMATE also, wouldn’t it? You just can’t bet on him being energized and motivated to do better with women having seen your level of success, can you? It might very well be KILLING him, actually, to watch you bring women home.

This isn’t college anymore, gentlemen. It’s not like you have to settle for whichever roommate you get by luck of the draw, like what happened when you arrived for your freshman year.

So choose your roommate carefully. Don’t just post an ad on Craigslist and let the first guy who flashes the cash for half the rent money move in. Make sure you’ve got a guy who’s pretty much on equal footing with you socially…from every angle.

And every bit of what I’ve just said couldn’t be more important if your prospective roommate happens to be your BROTHER. You’ve got to stay in touch with that guy (and hopefully like each other) for a LONG, LONG time. If there’s even a remote hint that there will be significant social differences between you and a brother–or other family member you may be considering rooming with–just say “no”. I’m telling you…a little potential friction now is better than a lifetime of never speaking to each other again. Don’t kid yourself.

But there’s even more to making sure a roommate arrangement works effectively.

It’s crucial that you have decent housekeeping skills and choose a roommate with a similar outlook on life. Women can’t stand it when a guy’s place is a complete mess. When you “get” that, you can’t afford to have Oscar Madison living in the same house. Otherwise, you’ll pay dearly by being the one who cleans up after BOTH of you. Either that, or don’t expect women to come back a second time.

You also have to have a pre-set agreement with your roommate on how to react when one of you invites a woman over. Hopefully, the place is at least big enough so that you each have your own bedroom and therefore don’t have resort to the “sock on the door” signal. Whether you agree to vacate the premises for each other, stay out of sight for each other or say a quick, polite “hello” THEN disappear from sight is to be decided BEFORE “crunch time” is imminent. Believe me, things are more likely to end well if you get that plan in place ahead of time.

It has been implicit up to this point, of course, that your roommate is a guy. I have to say that’s preferable to having a woman who is allegedly “just friends” living with you. After all, it’s going to be a pretty tough sell to most women that absolutely nothing is going on there. In fact, if you DO have a female roommate and the relationship is legitimately platonic, I’d recommend not mentioning your living arrangements to ANY woman you’re dating…and I’d find somewhere else to take her OTHER than your place.

And if your “roommate” happens to be your MOM, that goes double!

But speaking of family, what if you’re a single dad and your “roommates” are actually your CHILDREN? Well, that’s a whole different ballgame. But having been there before myself, I certainly didn’t want to forget about you.

Generally speaking, I highly recommend AGAINST bringing a woman home when your kids are around, unless you’ve clearly established an exclusive relationship with her and the kids know that. Let’s face it, you just don’t want to be introducing your sons and daughters to a steady stream of “female friends”. They’re more socially observant than you might think…even as young as say, two years old. Parading lots of women through the house will only confuse them. Plus, it might bum them out if they particularly like OR dislike one or more of them.

What’s more, there’s perhaps the most overlooked factor of all relevant to this point: A woman can work REALLY fast at winning your kids over. The next thing you know she’s leveraging your own kids toward getting into an exclusive relationship with you before you’re ready. And that’s not the kind of political wrangling you need in your household, right?

I used to think that finding women who had kids the same age as your own young children was the perfect storm. After all, you could just sell get-togethers as “play dates”, right? But nowadays, I’m even reconsidering the validity of that strategy vis-à-vis what I just told you.

Seriously…there’s a lot more to think about when it comes to roommates than you may have thought, right? Make no mistake about it, choosing a roommate and building a solid plan with the dude when it comes to your M.O. when women come over is mission critical. And getting all of that right isn’t necessarily easy. It’s enough to make you re-think the idea of living alone after all.

But then again, it sure was cool having women around the house all the time back in Arizona…

Be Good,

Scot McKay