TheTaoOfSteve writes:

Do you do it or do you pull out?

8% yearly failure rate with couples and the fact that SHE is responsible for taking them has kept me skeptical..

So I guess I’ll take this opportunity to share some of TC’s rules for safe sex.

First of all, every guy out there knows how much condoms suck.  They’re uncomfortable, they’re inconvenient, and they just don’t feel all that great.  So the temptation to doing sans-condom is always there.  The answer to this is, of course, doing it with a girl who’s on birth control!  After all, the chances of her getting preggers is about as good as when you wear a condom, right?

Well, before you dive in (literally), there are some things you need to consider…

First of all, you’re going to want to know if you can trust this girl.  Is she reliable?  Does she actually take her pills like she’s supposed to?  Is she disease free?  If the girl is flaky, forgetful, or a slut, then those are definite warning signs you do not want to be barebacking.  Condoms may suck, but they are very good at two things – preventing pregnancy and preventing disease.  So before you toss the jimmy hats away, think about the girl you’re gonna be having sex with.

Second, try and find out her views on being pregnant before you do anything with her.  Some girls will be paranoid about getting pregnant, some might not be worried about it.  But when/if it happens, you have to know how she’ll react.  Is she strongly religious or pro-life?  If that’s the case, she may not agree to an abortion, and then you’re stuck with a kid if an accident happens.  Always find out what the girl is open to when it comes to an unwanted pregnancy before you have sex without a condom.  If she’s fine with abortions, then its okay to take the chance, but if she’s not, then don’t risk it.

Don’t bareback women you don’t know that well.  Personally, I would never bareback a girl I’ve just met, even if she said she was on the pill, barren, totally clean, or whatever.  There’s just no way I’m taking that chance.  Save off for a girl you’re in a relationship with if you can, or at least a girl you know really well.  (As in, you’ve already had sex with her a few times.)

Have some emergency precautions available as well.  Go to your local CVS or any other pharmacy, and spend $50 on a morning after pill.  This is your “saving grace” purchase.  It’s always a good idea to have this handy in case your condom breaks or comes off, but if you’re really worried, just have the girl take it after you’re done with sex (and for the love of God, actually WATCH HER take it!).  Get the kind that’s just one pill, not the kind that requires two.  This isn’t 100% effective, but it will offer some added protection if you’re worried maybe the girl hasn’t been that diligent about taking her birth control.

And if you REALLY want to be sure, take your girl in for a Depo-Provera shot.  It’s a simple injection her doctor can give her, and it can prevent pregnancy for up to three months.  This is one of the most effective birth control methods available, and it works even better if the girl gets the shot every 12 weeks, because the hormone will build up in their system.   If you REALLY wanna bang a girl without a condom and blow your load inside her, this is the way to go.  However, it does require a prescription from her doctor, so it will require time, money, and effort on her part to get it.  If she can’t afford to see a doctor or whatever, you may want to pay for this yourself.

So there you go!  Just remember that you always take a risk when you don’t jimmy up.  And it’s not just an issue of pregnancy, it’s also an issue of disease.  So be sure you trust the girl you’re with, take all the preparations you can to stay safe, and have a back-up plan just in case something goes wrong.

Now, if you’re with a partner who has the same tastes as you – you’re in for a great time together! You can feel free to express yourself sexually, without her feeling offended, or judging you in any way. However, most people don’t see eye to eye on sex. Even if you see eye to eye on everything else.

The good news is: Almost every woman in the world is open to trying new things, in bed. It just takes one word: TRUST!

(And a little finesse when you bring it up

In this article, I’m going to try to show you exactly how you can earn a woman’s TRUST with her sexuality. Plus, we’ll talk about how to bring up new, more interesting and even “kinkier” sex acts – if that’s your thing.

You’ll discover:

• WHAT TO SAY so your sex life gets hotter and hotter… Instead of you getting slapped in the face! Try this “trick”… (Works like a charm, every time!)
• HOW TO TELL if she’s “down” for new or more exciting sex acts! This is the single, easiest way to get her to “open up” – sexually! (Try this, tonight!)
• TRY THIS, IN YOUR LIFE – Here’s a couple of “tried and true” favorite sex acts women love… That get you serious “bargaining power” in the bedroom! (You’ll love these…)

… Plus, we’ll try to go a bit deeper into how to build trust with your partner, so sex is fun instead of “work.” In fact, let’s talk about that, right now:

TRUST is the main thing a woman needs to feel in order to try something new, with you. Think about it, she’s smaller, she’s weaker physically and if you really wanted to – you could do anything with her you wanted.

So she needs to feel safe. That you’ll know when “enough is enough.” And that you’re not just in this for your own pleasure. That you really care about her having a great time.

Sexual trust is even more important than general trust to your relationship because it effects all areas of your life, on a very deep level. What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom – sure. But if you both are frustrated with your sex life, it won’t be long until you’re frustrated with each other outside the bedroom, as well.

What’s more – If she can’t trust you in the bedroom, and she meets a guy who she can trust, you’ll be gone in a quick second.

How do you build sexual trust? It’s actually EXTREMELY easy: Care about her pleasure, in bed. This doesn’t mean go down on her, every 5 seconds. It just means care for her. Make sure you check in and see if she likes what’s going on. Watch her face and her body. Watch her reactions. And don’t push her limits TOO much.

Do this with “lighter” things like spanking and dirty talk, and she’ll trust you once your sex gets a little kinkier. In fact, women have a kinky side, as well. And some of their favorite sex acts have to do with being extremely feminine – helpless, submissive and giving you all the power.

This is where trust is EXTREMELY important! So make sure you talk things over with your partner, before crazy stuff starts to happen. You don’t have to have a huge, hour long conversation before sex… but… A quick “hey, wanna try this?” before you actually lock her up in hand-cuffs will go a LONG way.

Some of a woman’s favorite sex “acts” that go above and beyond “normal” sex are being tied up, lots and lots of dirty talk, and any “rough” sex that puts her in the submissive position. (NOTE: Be careful, and pay completely attention to your partner. In fact, don’t try ANY kind of “rough” sex without first  talking to your partner… and… learning some “do”s and “don’t”s about rough sex from someone much more qualified to teach it, than me…)

And here’s a secret you may not know – If it’s one of your “favorite” things to do in bed, she’s going to like it. Guaranteed. For two reasons:

The first reason is, women are just as naughty and dirty as men. She loves the feelings in sex just as much as you do. And anything that gets you off because you’re either in control or not in control gets her off for the exact opposite reason.

Sex is a give and take. And as long as you’re one, she’ll be more than happy to play the other.

The second reason is your woman will want to make you happy. And sex is part of that desire. So let her fulfill your sexual fantasies, and then take some time to fulfill hers.

Like I said before. Give and take. This works between sessions, as well.

If you approach sex as a big “recess” – all fun and games – then your woman will ALWAYS want to try something new with you. If you like it, you can add it to your regular sex. And if not, oh well, you both found a “game” you don’t like to play much.