Good news and bad for women who take the pill: new research finds that those who meet their partners while taking oral contraceptives report less sexual satisfaction in their relationships — but they’re also less likely to split up.

A study of 2,519 mothers, mainly from the U.S. and Czech Republic, found that those who met their first child’s father while on the pill were less sexually satisfied with their men, less attracted to them and experienced greater sexual dissatisfaction over time, compared with women who weren’t taking birth control pills.

But they also reported greater satisfaction with other aspects of their relationships, including the financial support provided by their mates, and were about 10% more likely to stay together. (If they did break up, the split was around 10% more likely to be initiated by the woman than the man.)

So, how could the pill possibly affect mate choice? It comes down to chemistry.

The researchers had previously discovered that women’s menstrual cycles affect the types of men to which they are most attracted. Part of having “chemistry” with someone is liking his smell, which is determined in part by an immune system molecule called MHC.

People tend to be attracted to partners with MHC types that are dissimilar from their own, probably because this would give their offspring a greater chance of survival by creating a diversified immune system. The pill, however, puts the body into a hormonal state similar to pregnancy — and pregnant women tend to prefer MHC scents that are similar to their own, probably because this would make them feel safe and comfortable around supportive relatives.

That means that if you’re taking the pill, you may be more likely to find attractive men whose MHC is similar to your own — but during your regular cycle, these men might seem less your “type.”

Indeed, during their most fertile phase, women tend to be drawn to more dominant, masculine men who are more likely to be unfaithful. In contrast, during the second part of their cycle, when they could already be pregnant, they are more attracted to calmer, more nurturing types.

So, basically, meeting while on the pill might make you choose a “dad” who may not be the most exciting guy, but who will stick around and support the kids. Conversely, meeting while not taking hormonal contraceptives might make the bad-boy “cad” seem irresistible.

Of course, there are many, many variables involved in choosing a partner and the influence of taking the pill is not huge. It’s possible that other underlying factors actually account for the differences between pill users and nonusers, perhaps related to their decisions about contraception and attitudes toward sex. The researchers tried to control for these factors, however, and still found that the effect persisted in two different countries.

Lead author Craig Roberts of the University of Stirling in the U.K. told the BBC: “Choosing a non-hormonal barrier method of contraception for a few months before getting married might be one way for a woman to check or reassure herself that she’s still attracted to her partner.”

My guess, however, is that if you are that concerned about your relationship, you might have other issues to iron out before booking the caterer.

You know what leads to less sexual satisfaction for everyone involved?  Having kids!  Seems like a fair trade to me.

Erix5son has a question over on PUAForums concerning the Mystery Method and how to apply it after you’ve “done the deed.”

Erix5son wrote:

So according to Mystery’s method that consists of Attraction, Comfort and seduction how should I play the dating game after the sex already occured?

I am thinking about keeping the comfort with some Tension while on dates or in public and use seduction when having private time with her?

Can somebody comfirm if this is correct/best approach to dating a women after you already had sex with her or give some basic guidelines.

Okay, just to be clear here… if sex has occurred, then you have successfully completed the “seduction” phase of Mystery Method.

Simple, right?

Understand:  The Mystery Method is mostly geared towards the initial “getting women to sleep with you” phase of things.  So you don’t really NEED to use it on a girl you’ve already slept with – unless you failed to establish any rapport with her and just “got lucky” because she was drunk, she just wanted to get laid and didn’t care by whom, or any other factors which might have gotten you the sex but zero inter-personal connection.

So let’s say you did Mystery Method right, and built up the attraction and comfort before you got her into bed.  If that’s the case, then guess what?  Your job is EASY now.

The reason being – sleeping with a girl you’ve already slept with is just a matter of asking her to sleep with you again.  Face it, a girl will justify her reasons for sleeping with you, and once she’s already done it, it’s not a big deal to do it again (unless something horrible happened while she was having sex with you that might make her not want to see you again).  But assuming your first sexual encounter went well, she knows that every time she sees you, the chance of you two having sex again is always there.

So really, after sex, your job is simple – continue to strengthen the connection you’ve made with her (building rapport), and keep flirting.  You don’t have to build attraction again because you’ve already attracted her.  So now, its just about making her feel good and keeping things fun and sexy.  You don’t need to play the “tension” games anymore.  In fact, the only reason to do that is if she’s not totally on the hook by this point.

You also have to take into account what you want to do with this girl – do you want a relationship with her?  Or do you just want to date her, bang her, and still see other people?  The reason being is you’ll have to treat the situation differently depending on what you want.

But the good news is – no matter what you decide, getting her to sleep with you again will be far easier than it was the first time around.  Just remember to keep the communication with her up!  The only sure way to lose a girl after you’ve slept with her is to never talk to her again.

Sleeker2610 over on the PUAForums writes an incredibly awkwardly phrased question, that actually addresses an issue lots of guys struggle with:  turning that girl “friend” into a “girlfriend.”

Sleeker2610 writes:

Hi I want to ask for help in my situation because I fall in love with my best girl friend. I know she likes me very much because even if I said her I fall in love with her she accepted a date with me but she still cannot switch me from position of her best male friend to boyfriend :/ . So here is the thing I just have to bring her to swap me from friend zone to eventual boyfriend and its done but I dont know how :/. She is okay even when we hang out alone together she allow me to sleep with her and hugging her during that time and she likes it . I don´t know what more to say if you need more informations just ask about them I will answer them ASAP.

Okay, so I guess now would be a good time to go over how exactly one manages to “escape the friend zone” and actually turn that female friend of yours into something more…

First of all, know this – if a girl is friends with you, it means she likes you.  However, being friends with you also means that she likes you, but isn’t attracted enough to you to want to be anything more than just friends.  Any couple I know of who was “friends first” and later turned into something more always had a certain level of attraction there between the two before they became friends.  So, to move out of the friend zone, you need to establish an attraction with the girl you’re friends with.

I go really in-depth about this process in my course The Art Of Approaching (so much so that I broke it out into its own book, which you get for free with the main course).  But here are the basics…

First, you have to be willing to LOSE this girl’s friendship.  Why?  Well, because in order to create attraction, you’re going to have to start treating her differently than you would a friend.  In fact, you’ll have to change your behavior so much, that the girl in question won’t recognize you from the guy she used to know.  And when this happens, she might decide you’re no longer her friend.

So you need to ask yourself:  What’s more important to you – her friendship, or a chance at a romantic relationship?

If you want to roll the dice and are willing to risk your friendship, know that you will have to start treating this girl in a way that’s radically different from what you’re used to.  Spending time with her and chit-chatting isn’t enough, you have to start building sexual tension and creating a new frame with which you interact with her.  This can be uncomfortable at first, for both you and the girl, but if you keep it up, she will eventually fall in line with it.

You’ll need to add a “sexual” edge to everything you do.  Instead of joking around, you’ll need to joke around in a flirty way.  You’ll have to make comments about her that subtly lets her know you’re attracted to her, without coming right out and making it clear.  You’ll have to limit your interactions to stuff that allows you to seduce her – no more 3 hour phone calls about her boy troubles!  And most of all, you have to know how to get physical with her, because unless that happens, she’s never going to make that transition.

All that said, there’s never a 100% guaranteed way to get a girl to go from being a friend to a lover.  Every person is different, and some women might be looking for things in a guy you just don’t have.  So the best advice I can give in this situation is to not get too hung up on any one girl, even if you think she’s “the one.”  Keep playing the field, but keep working on your target as well, and see which one gets you the result you want the quickest.

Travellingwilbury writes:

Do you WANT to be single?

Considered posting this in the Relationships area, but it’s still a newbie question.

Let’s just say I haven’t had a lot of girlfriends. I’m not going to complain about that this time. I’ve been doing a lot of things wrong. At least I now know what they were. I’m feeling good about my ability to attract overall. The point is that I certainly haven’t had girlfriends serially – with small gaps between them, as many seem to.

In these questions I’m not talking about one night stands of fuckbuddies, I’m talking about relationships that last weeks and months…
Some guys have to put up with celibacy / no romance, for months. I don’t think any guys like being single, whereas girls seem to like it, or at least they are good at pretending to like it – freedom etc. A guy’s wife of many years dies, and I’ve seen it: he is seeing or even married to a woman 10 years younger than his late wife within 6 months. Some guys can’t stand a gap. Who here feels like they want very short gap? You might want more gap if the last relationship was emotional. But what does an alpha or a pua do when a relationship ends, assuming it didn’t end because he was already seeing another girl? Do you literally just decide that you need constant access to a woman’s body, any woman’s body and you just go out every night and day until you find one and then you can relax again, even if it takes a month?

Is that what you’re supposed to do? Loads of sudden concentrated effort. Are some of you driven to be single for only a short time. I’ve never done that. But my gaps were expected to be big, so I’ve never got used to being in a relationship, so I don’t notice the absence as much as some. I didn’t have a lot of girlfriends because I just assumed they would sort of turn up or approach me themselves. Some guys just seem to fall into relationships. It’s not just that they APPEAR effortless. I suspect they are REALLY making no effort, but they’re having everyday incidental contact with women in their lives anyway and they’re attractive, easy, handsome, well-groomed, by default and so no CONSCIOUS effort is needed.

I’m tortured by the concept that “It is easy to get a girlfriend!” because it is both true and false. If you really want one, it isn’t. If you don’t, but have a busy social life, it is. Correct? It’s easy or hard (or impossible) depending on your game, your expectations, your desperation and your lifestyle?

How long a gap could you stand? And how do you go about making sure a gap is short, if that is your preference? Approach every girl? Be impatient for a girl without seeming to be?

If I need to make efforts like that, I need more motivation and less nervousness – more exercise, and no salt, caffeine or masturbation.

Well, here’s how I see things…

First of all, this really comes down to a personal choice.  If you WANT to be in a relationship, it won’t take you too long to find one.  Relationships don’t have to be “good” relationships, they just have to be there.  I think every guy, at some point, has gotten into a relationship with a girl he wasn’t necessarily serious about because at the time, there was no one better for him to be with.  Some guys DON’T WANT to be in a relationship after they breakup with a girl, so it takes them longer.  And some guys want to, but they’re looking for a particular type of woman to be in a relationship with.

So depending on what you want, the time-frame from break-up to new girl can vary wildly.

Secondly, there is no such thing as a “no effort” when it comes to getting a girl, unless you’re wildly good looking or famous.  There’s always going to be stuff you HAVE to do if you want a girl to see you again, and commit to you in some type of relationship.  So even though it seems like there are guys out there who “fall into” relationships with no effort, that’s not really the case.  They do, in fact, do things to make that happen, and its probably because they want it to happen.

The worst thing you can do is, if you WANT a relationship, to sit around and do nothing, hoping that it will happen to you.  Waiting around for a girl to initiate something or for fate to step in is a losing proposition.  You need to meet girls, you need to hang out with girls, and you need to attract girls if you want a relationship of some type.