How To Find The Right Toy For Your Girl

You know, I find it interesting that lots of guys look at sex toys as “competition.”  After all, if a woman has a good vibrator, what does she need a man for, right?  Well, I don’t agree with that.  I think a guy who can get his girl a good sex toy opens up a whole new world of fun and possibilities with his girl, because she’ll typically become more open to exploring things that are sexual with him in return.

I recently found these articles (check them out here and here) from a woman named Sarah Gibson who owns a sex toy website that lays out some good guidelines for choosing the right sex toy.  Interestingly enough, this section caught my attention:

Size

While it is incredibly important you get her a toy that is the perfect fit… you should try to avoid any embarrassing bra-shopping-type-incidents when you say to the sales assistant “Well she’s about your size.” Thankfully you can use yourself as a guide for how big or little you should go for internal vibrators. However, if you’d like something to use as an add-on to your own penetrative sex, stick with something really little like a bullet or clit vibe like the famous we-vibe. These can be slotted in place in between you both while you carry on as normal.

The biggest thin I’ve found when it comes to getting sex toys for your lady is to know what she prefers.  Some girls like penetration, while others prefer clitoral stimulation.  In my experience, the vast majority of women prefer the clitoral stimulation for various reasons, so when getting a toy for your girl, make sure your focus is on “vibrators” and not “dildos.”  Having the option of inserting the toy is good, but it can be hard to guess as to what kind of size and shape your girl will prefer.  You can always play it safe and get a vibrator for her.

Secondly, if you actually TAKE your girl shopping and let her pick out the toy, not only can you get the exact one she wants, but it can also be a lot of fun and really encouraging for her to open up to you about her preferences sexually.  Some girls might be shy about what gets them off, and taking them sex toy shopping can really bring them out of their shell.  Plus, most sex toy stores have so much crazy stuff in them, it can inspire your girl to want to experiment with new things too!

Good news and bad for women who take the pill: new research finds that those who meet their partners while taking oral contraceptives report less sexual satisfaction in their relationships — but they’re also less likely to split up.

A study of 2,519 mothers, mainly from the U.S. and Czech Republic, found that those who met their first child’s father while on the pill were less sexually satisfied with their men, less attracted to them and experienced greater sexual dissatisfaction over time, compared with women who weren’t taking birth control pills.

But they also reported greater satisfaction with other aspects of their relationships, including the financial support provided by their mates, and were about 10% more likely to stay together. (If they did break up, the split was around 10% more likely to be initiated by the woman than the man.)

So, how could the pill possibly affect mate choice? It comes down to chemistry.

The researchers had previously discovered that women’s menstrual cycles affect the types of men to which they are most attracted. Part of having “chemistry” with someone is liking his smell, which is determined in part by an immune system molecule called MHC.

People tend to be attracted to partners with MHC types that are dissimilar from their own, probably because this would give their offspring a greater chance of survival by creating a diversified immune system. The pill, however, puts the body into a hormonal state similar to pregnancy — and pregnant women tend to prefer MHC scents that are similar to their own, probably because this would make them feel safe and comfortable around supportive relatives.

That means that if you’re taking the pill, you may be more likely to find attractive men whose MHC is similar to your own — but during your regular cycle, these men might seem less your “type.”

Indeed, during their most fertile phase, women tend to be drawn to more dominant, masculine men who are more likely to be unfaithful. In contrast, during the second part of their cycle, when they could already be pregnant, they are more attracted to calmer, more nurturing types.

So, basically, meeting while on the pill might make you choose a “dad” who may not be the most exciting guy, but who will stick around and support the kids. Conversely, meeting while not taking hormonal contraceptives might make the bad-boy “cad” seem irresistible.

Of course, there are many, many variables involved in choosing a partner and the influence of taking the pill is not huge. It’s possible that other underlying factors actually account for the differences between pill users and nonusers, perhaps related to their decisions about contraception and attitudes toward sex. The researchers tried to control for these factors, however, and still found that the effect persisted in two different countries.

Lead author Craig Roberts of the University of Stirling in the U.K. told the BBC: “Choosing a non-hormonal barrier method of contraception for a few months before getting married might be one way for a woman to check or reassure herself that she’s still attracted to her partner.”

My guess, however, is that if you are that concerned about your relationship, you might have other issues to iron out before booking the caterer.

You know what leads to less sexual satisfaction for everyone involved?  Having kids!  Seems like a fair trade to me.

Travellingwilbury writes:

Do you WANT to be single?

Considered posting this in the Relationships area, but it’s still a newbie question.

Let’s just say I haven’t had a lot of girlfriends. I’m not going to complain about that this time. I’ve been doing a lot of things wrong. At least I now know what they were. I’m feeling good about my ability to attract overall. The point is that I certainly haven’t had girlfriends serially – with small gaps between them, as many seem to.

In these questions I’m not talking about one night stands of fuckbuddies, I’m talking about relationships that last weeks and months…
Some guys have to put up with celibacy / no romance, for months. I don’t think any guys like being single, whereas girls seem to like it, or at least they are good at pretending to like it – freedom etc. A guy’s wife of many years dies, and I’ve seen it: he is seeing or even married to a woman 10 years younger than his late wife within 6 months. Some guys can’t stand a gap. Who here feels like they want very short gap? You might want more gap if the last relationship was emotional. But what does an alpha or a pua do when a relationship ends, assuming it didn’t end because he was already seeing another girl? Do you literally just decide that you need constant access to a woman’s body, any woman’s body and you just go out every night and day until you find one and then you can relax again, even if it takes a month?

Is that what you’re supposed to do? Loads of sudden concentrated effort. Are some of you driven to be single for only a short time. I’ve never done that. But my gaps were expected to be big, so I’ve never got used to being in a relationship, so I don’t notice the absence as much as some. I didn’t have a lot of girlfriends because I just assumed they would sort of turn up or approach me themselves. Some guys just seem to fall into relationships. It’s not just that they APPEAR effortless. I suspect they are REALLY making no effort, but they’re having everyday incidental contact with women in their lives anyway and they’re attractive, easy, handsome, well-groomed, by default and so no CONSCIOUS effort is needed.

I’m tortured by the concept that “It is easy to get a girlfriend!” because it is both true and false. If you really want one, it isn’t. If you don’t, but have a busy social life, it is. Correct? It’s easy or hard (or impossible) depending on your game, your expectations, your desperation and your lifestyle?

How long a gap could you stand? And how do you go about making sure a gap is short, if that is your preference? Approach every girl? Be impatient for a girl without seeming to be?

If I need to make efforts like that, I need more motivation and less nervousness – more exercise, and no salt, caffeine or masturbation.

Well, here’s how I see things…

First of all, this really comes down to a personal choice.  If you WANT to be in a relationship, it won’t take you too long to find one.  Relationships don’t have to be “good” relationships, they just have to be there.  I think every guy, at some point, has gotten into a relationship with a girl he wasn’t necessarily serious about because at the time, there was no one better for him to be with.  Some guys DON’T WANT to be in a relationship after they breakup with a girl, so it takes them longer.  And some guys want to, but they’re looking for a particular type of woman to be in a relationship with.

So depending on what you want, the time-frame from break-up to new girl can vary wildly.

Secondly, there is no such thing as a “no effort” when it comes to getting a girl, unless you’re wildly good looking or famous.  There’s always going to be stuff you HAVE to do if you want a girl to see you again, and commit to you in some type of relationship.  So even though it seems like there are guys out there who “fall into” relationships with no effort, that’s not really the case.  They do, in fact, do things to make that happen, and its probably because they want it to happen.

The worst thing you can do is, if you WANT a relationship, to sit around and do nothing, hoping that it will happen to you.  Waiting around for a girl to initiate something or for fate to step in is a losing proposition.  You need to meet girls, you need to hang out with girls, and you need to attract girls if you want a relationship of some type.

Here in America, we call this tactic of withholding sex “marriage.”

Deelow writes:

So you are in a relationship, doesnt matter what kind of a relationship (could be ltr, mltr, oltr, fb etc.)… What signs that she exhibits (besides denying you sex») would be an indication that she views you as a provider more than a lover?

There are a lot of good explanations in the thread as to the signs these guys think signal a provider relationship.  But the real crux of the issue here is the question “What are the signs that the girl you’re with is just using you and isn’t really into you anymore?”

Let’s face it.  Sometimes girls just stay in a relationship with a guy they’re not really that into because they don’t want to be single.  Or, maybe they get into a “relationship” with a guy because they plan to use him for something – be it social status, money, security, whatever.  And sometimes, girls get into relationships, and then get bored and lose their passion for their partner.  Hey, it happens.  But I think Deelow is asking about the signals that your relationship might be in trouble.

The biggest factor is definitely the denial of sex.  This is probably the biggest signal that something is wrong with your relationship.  I mean, sometimes girls just can’t have sex.  Maybe their on their period and don’t feel like it.  Maybe their sick, or whatever.  But if there’s really not a good reason to not have sex, or the girl keeps coming up with excuses not to, then something is seriously wrong.  If she’s lost sexual interest in you, for whatever reason, then you’re not actually in a “romantic relationship” anymore.  After all, sex is a big part of romantic relationships, and once that disappears, all that’s left is utterly without passion, and that’s no fun for anyone.

Another tactic, and one that girls use to manipulate guys, is the girl your with may start bartering sex with you in exchange for things she wants.  This is a major sign that she doesn’t see your relationship as a “real” relationship.  After all, how can you be in a relationship with someone if you have to earn their affection every time?  Good, healthy relationships have affection present from both parties.  If she’ll only sleep with you if you pay her rent, buy her new clothes, take her on vacation, whatever – that’s a business transaction, not a relationship!  As soon as a woman starts bartering favors for sex, you know that something is wrong.  (NOTE:  This is not the same as a girl with-holding sex if you’ve upset her.  This is straight up “You give me what I want, I’ll give you what you want.”  There are no feelings involved here.)

Another thing to look out for is a lack of affection.  You can tell if a girl is not into you if she doesn’t kiss you, touch you, or let you kiss her or touch her.  A girl’s ability to show affection towards the man she’s in a relationship with is directly proportional to how she feels about him.  A lack of attraction constitutes a lack of affection.  If she doesn’t kiss you back when you kiss her, if she doesn’t want to snuggle up next to you, and most importantly – if you have sex and she doesn’t appear to enjoy it, or doesn’t put forth an effort to participate — you know for sure something is wrong.

There’s also a “lack of communication” factor.  A girl who cares about you, likes you, and wants to be with you will stay in communication with you.  She’ll call, text, email, hang out, go out with you, and all that other good stuff.  But a girl who’s no longer interested will pull back on the communication.  She won’t call you back.  She’ll take her time returning your texts and emails.  She’ll be too busy to hang out or go out with you.  When this happens, something is definitely wrong.  And if she only is responsive if she needs something from you, that’s a sure sign you’re being used as well.  HOWEVER, its important to note that this is meant to be “general behavior,” in the sense that she does this type of thing constantly.  If she goes out with her friends one night and doesn’t return a call or text, that’s not a bad thing.  But if she makes it a habit of never being responsive, or never having time/or interest in hanging out with you, that’s when you should be worried.

Just be on the lookout for these types of signs.  Remember that a good, healthy relationship is one in which both you and her are happy.  It can have its ups and downs, but as long as there is intimacy and trust, it can last.  Keep an eye out for these signs.  If you feel she’s manipulating you, call her out on it.  If you feel she’s losing interest, ask her about it and try to fix things.  It can be done.