ellie210 writes:

How to avoid lame chicks online

I get quite a handful of dates from online dating, in fact it’s my main source of recruiting new women. But holy fuck, a huge majority of these women are fucking lame. I’m not even talking about looks or how hot a woman is (I’m pretty impartial to looks, as long as she’s not a warpig). I’m talking about lame chicks who you can’t even have a conversation with for more than 5 minutes.

I know some of you guys just pitch the date off the site. What I do is get the girl’s number and I give her a call to pitch a day and time. But I also call to screen out lame chicks, if I end up carrying most of the conversation.

Do you guys get dates with women who turn out to be lame? Or do you always get dates with cool, awesome women?

Speaking as a guy who does a lot of online dating (and I mean A LOT), I can safely say that the way to avoid most “lame chicks” is to properly screen them BEFORE you meet up.

What do I mean by this?

Well, its a pretty simple process of making sure this is the type of girl you want to meet BEFORE setting up some type of date.  I’ve had lots of situations occur where I met a girl online who was pretty attractive according to her pictures, but the moment I got her on the phone, it became painfully obvious that there was a reason this girl was single.

Now, keep in mind that some guys are out there just to bang anything that has a pulse, and there’s nothing wrong with that (you know, as long as they’re not rapists or something).  To these guys, as long as the girl meets their standards for attraction, they don’t really care about screening them.  But me, I prefer to meet up with girls who are fun, interesting, intelligent, and can string more than 3 words together.  So for me, screening them becomes a MUST.

But keep in mind that you don’t only screen for personality, you screen for danger signs too.  I once met a girl online who seemed great, but during the screening process I discovered she had severe mental issues (as in, she started getting way too attached way too fast and started threatening to kill herself if I didn’t marry her).  Had I actually met up with this girl, there’s no telling what kind of train wreck might have ensued, but because I screen the people I meet online first, I was able to weed her out before such a thing happened.

Now, the screening process for online dating isn’t all that complicated.  Basically, you want to do what Ellie210 said he does, which is GET THEM ON THE PHONE.

What I’ll normally do is text the girl after getting her number, and carry on the conversation I started off email on the website.  After a round of chatting over text message, I’ll call her up and talk for a half-hour or so.  If I get a bad vibe, I won’t suggest we meet up quite yet, but I’ll end the call by saying I’ll text her later.  This way, I can keep screening her without committing to anything yet.  (Some girls take a bit of time to screen properly)

If things on the first phone call go well, and I get a good vibe from it – like we have a good conversation, the girl’s funny, etc. – I’ll set up a meeting right there, but I’ll set up a meeting for a few days later, like maybe 3-4 days into the future.  This way, I can do a bit more screening through texting before meeting up.  If any warning signs appear before the meet, I can always cancel.

So screening is just really talking to a girl as much as possible before meeting up to find out if you’re compatible.  It can be a lot of fun when you find the right girls, and help you weed out the girls who aren’t for you rather quickly.  Keep in mind – some girls aren’t big on texting, and some girls aren’t great on the phone.  You gotta use your gut to know what’s gonna work and what isn’t.  My current gf isn’t that great on the telephone because she has an accent and she’s kinda hard to understand when she’s on the phone.  But, she’s very responsive over texting.  If I can get a good text session from a girl, but she’s not so hot on the phone, I’ll still meet up with her, because the possibility for rapport is there, it might just need to be nurtured a bit more.  Me and my gf have good conversations and stuff when we go out, even though talking to her on the phone is typically a chore.  So the interpersonal aspect of creating and building rapport is important when you’re face-to-face with a girl.

But if a girl is bad with texting you, and bad with talking to you on the phone, then chances are she’ll be a dud on the meet-up.  If you’re only out to hook up, then that might not matter.  But if you require stimulating conversation and good, strong rapport with a girl, then that’s a warning sign she’ll probably be lame.

MakotoIto writes:

Hey guys.

Do you think it’s better to have a profile picture of you having a hot girl with your arms on their waist both smiling?

Since this might hit off pre-selection or it is a bad idea since people might think your attached?

For Facebook I can honestly say that having a picture with you and a hot girl in your profile pic can’t really do you any harm.  It makes you look like a fun, attractive guy girls want to be around.  But it also depends on what you’re using your Facebook profile for.  If you’re trying to attract people to being your friend and getting them to meet you for events and things like that, then this is definitely something you can do.  After all, Facebook is a great way to keep in touch with girls and at the same time project the kind of image you feel will be attractive to them.

However, I’ve found for actual dating sites, having pictures of you with other women can actually hurt your chances of meeting girls.  Why?  Well, when a girl looks at your dating profile page, she’ll judge herself against the girls in your pictures.  If she feels the girls in your pictures are hotter than her, she’ll feel like you won’t go for her.  If she’s hotter than the girls in your pics, she may deem you of “low value” and not bother with you.  So on dating sites, keep the profile pictures to you and just you.

But Facebook ISN’T A DATING SITE, so its okay to stick pictures of you and hot girls in your profile picture.  Just be sure the rest of your Facebook profile is congruent with that.  Project a fun, positive energy, put up interesting and enjoyable status updates, and be active inviting people to fun events.  If you can make your Facebook profile a central hub of activity, it won’t really matter what picture you put in your profile.

Last week, I turned the tables and asked you for advice on what the next Dos & Don’ts topic should be. Well, the masses have spoken, and though there was a fair amount of interest in every option presented, with five out of the six topics ranging around 15 percent in the poll, the clear winner is Craigslist personals with about 24 percent of the votes. Far be it from me to let you down.

Of the multitude of online dating sites available today, Craigslist is perhaps the most casual. And I’m not referring to the casual encounters section here–indeed, I won’t be touching that one with a 10-foot pole. Rather, personals posted in Craigslist are ads with an expiry date, rather than the in-depth profiles found on sites such as Match.com and OkCupid. As such, finding a date or mate through this particular site requires a bit of a different tack. The tips below should help you navigate the choppy sea that is Craigslist dating.

First, the obvious: DON’T ever invite a complete stranger directly to your home or other private location, such as a hotel room. This applies for any online dating, really, and I hope that it’s common sense. The community aspect of Craigslist–and an innate trust for your fellow human–is all well and good, but as this in-depth Maxim article so astutely points out, not everyone is a decent person. So always arrange an initial meeting in a public spot with plenty of other people present, such as a cafe.

That bit of unpleasantness out of the way, it’s time to decide what kind of Craiglist user you are: a poster or a peruser? If the former, DO make sure you post your ad in the proper area of the personals section. There are the usual suspects, such as women seeking men (W4M), women seeking women (W4W), and men seeking women (M4W), and then the more niche areas like casual encounters, missed connections, and miscellaneous romance, which covers all manners of alternative relationships. Nothing will get your ad flagged for removal faster than posting in the wrong category.

Not the actual layout, but you get the idea.

When it comes time to actually write your ad, DO put some thought behind it. If you’re lacking inspiration, check out some other ads on the site and see what appeals to or even entertains you. You might even come across something like this ad (warning: adult language) which offers some rather handy tips whether you’re a W4W or otherwise. Similarly, this blog has some useful advice for the M4W set. DON’T write in all caps is a priceless gem from both posts.

As for the nitty-gritty of your ad, I turned to a Craigslist study to back up some of my own opinions. Namely, DON’T be overly boastful and try not to sound bitter about dating. Also, DO include a catchy and descriptive headline and keep the content of your ad short and sweet, three paragraphs or less should be sufficient.

Further, rather than focusing on an exhaustive list of the features and traits your ideal mate should posses, DO provide an insightful overview of yourself and your interests. (That’s not to say you shouldn’t mention what you’re looking for, but avoid a “laundry list” of must-haves.) Finally, DON’T be rude, bigoted, or inflammatory–it’s not attractive, and even if you’re being sarcastic in an attempt to be funny, it could be read the wrong way and get your ad flagged for removal.

Now for all you voyeurs out there: DON’T fall for spambots or typical Craigslist personality prototypes (warning: adult language)–unless of course you’re into that sort of thing. Also, DO peruse missed connections–there’s no telling when there might be a post aimed at you or even someone you know. This section is also probably the most nonthreatening place to dip your toes into posting your own ad, and you may be pleasantly surprised at the results (take it from someone who once posted a successful missed connections ad).

Have a Craigslist personals success–or horror–story of your own? Please share it below! And as always, I welcome tips from others in the comment section as well.

Honestly, I’ve found the only way to get any play off Craig’s List is to post your own – EXTREMELY interesting – ad on there regularly.  There are a lot of hot girls on Craig’s List, and if you can create an ad that makes them laugh and comes off as “non-creepy” they will contact you.

JohnnyC69 writes:

So the other week, I decided to delete my POF and OKC profiles. I was telling myself that I was spending too much time online and that I need to be getting out and honing my cold approach skills.

Problem is, I’m waiting to start a new job right now and until I do, I’m broke and jobless. Temporary problem with the solution already resolved, but fact is, I’m stuck at home waiting and waiting and waiting.

Hell, even if I wanted to make a trip out to wal-mart just to chat up girls, I don’t have the gas in my car to do it!

So after about a week and a half of getting no action to speak of, I got bored and decided to try out a new type of profile. It still utilizes the screening approach I had before, but thanks to some tips from Regal (actually I copy/pasted his and made some minor variations…what? half the ideas were mine anyway!), it’s now really geared toward young hot women, which, around here, it seems the only true hot ones are aged 18-23. After that age, you start getting into the single moms, jaded biatches, etc.

I WILL NOT post the profile on here. After looking on PAIR and seeing how many local guys there are on here (you fucking lurkers! speak up for chrissake!), I can see it getting abused too easily.

I’ll give you the formula though:

Talk about yourself in a C/F manner in the beginning, i.e: “Me? What do I do? I kick ass and take names!” etc…it should be obvious that you’re playing around in an over the top, funny (but still cocky) way.

Next paragraph, tell her how amazing you expect her to be. Then go over the top funny in the descriptions of how she should be amazing. Be creative. In fact, feel free to brainstorm on ways we can make new templates from this model, I’d love to hear what you guys can come up with. I’m talking to you, Mankite.

So that was about it for the profile. I did decided to do something that I’ve never been a fan of, but so far has proven to be doing me some good: I lied about my age.

And why the hell not? 18-23 year olds discriminate against guys in their 30′s. And yeah, I can already hear Blackdragon getting ready to come in and breath fire and acid all over me for having a “limiting belief.” However, it’s just been MY experience.

So this time when I filled it out, I shaved a good 7 years off of my actual age. Another thing about that: I DON’T FUCKING LOOK MY AGE. If the lie was more congruent to the reality, then I don’t see a problem.

At any rate, it’s working. The strategy was to swoop in and find some young, impulsive girls looking to be hot and impulsive with an “older” guy…but not too much older. For some reason, a hot 25 year old guy seems to fit the bill for most of them perfectly.

Supposed to be going over to a hot 18 year old black chick’s house this afternoon. She sent me her number yesterday in response to my opening message. Did a little phone sexing last night. She invited me to come to her house today.

“I don’t have gas money”
“I do.”
“Well alright then, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow…”

Young and impulsive indeed…

Some good stuff here.  Also, having a good picture for your profile will help.  If you’re going to put up pics, I recommend just putting up 1 really good pic.  If you want to play coy, or you don’t think you’re that good looking, you can refrain from having a pic and put in your profile that you will send pics upon request.  That’s worked real well for me in the past.

EricTheViking writes:

1. Why is it that I have much more success if I use the photos of some good looking guy on my profile? I thought looks don’t matter but if I looked like that guy I could have sex with a new 9 every week.

2. Why is it that you guys don’t use Facebook to find girls? Why dating sites»? I have tons of hotties on Facebook (literally hundreds), so could you, why use dating sites»? I’m really interested in an answer to this question.

Let’s answer these questions in turn…

First of all, because it’s impossible to generate rapport immediately online like it is in person, photo’s are EXTREMELY important in online dating.  In real life, when you approach a girl, you can use your personality to engage her and trigger her emotions, which can by-pass most critical factors when it comes to your looks.  However, on the internet, you just have your profile, and its a “buyer’s market.”  Plus, most dating sites are geared AROUND pictures.  Many people just search based on abbreviated profiles that show nothing BUT pictures, and maybe a few other tid-bits, such as username, location, and age.

This makes it more like a process where you’re buying a car.  You just want to look at the cars that look coolest to you, and ignore the other cars because they don’t have the look or color you want.

I actually did some tests a while back where I had profiles on online dating sites without pictures, and I just said “if you want to know what I look like, I’m happy to send you some pics, but I’m a private person so I don’t like to post them publicly.”  This actually got a much better response rate because my written profile and emails were so good, that women who might not have given me a second glance actually became interested to know what I looked like.  So there are ways to get around this, but if you do any serious online dating, you gotta know that pics rule, so you need to have good ones – even if you don’t post them, because eventually the girl WILL want to know what you look like.

To answer the second question, I actually use Facebook A LOT to meet women.  (I met my current gf on there in fact.)  I actually think Facebook is WAY better to use than sites like Match.com and EHarmony.  However, it’s important to note this one factor:

Facebook is NOT a dating site!

In fact, Facebook has taken steps to make it HARDER to meet random women on the site because they were getting so many complaints from their female users about guys they didn’t know randomly trying to friend them.  So Facebook is not set up to help people find romance.  Sure, there are ways to USE Facebook to meet smoking hot chicks and hook up with them.  But none of them are very intuitive.

Also – if anyone cares – I think MySpace is actually a goldmine for finding girls who are just down for hooking up.  So if you’re looking for easy lays, that’s the site to check out.  Facebook can be used for that too, but its a little more difficult and time consuming than MySpace.