How To Find The Right Toy For Your Girl

You know, I find it interesting that lots of guys look at sex toys as “competition.”  After all, if a woman has a good vibrator, what does she need a man for, right?  Well, I don’t agree with that.  I think a guy who can get his girl a good sex toy opens up a whole new world of fun and possibilities with his girl, because she’ll typically become more open to exploring things that are sexual with him in return.

I recently found these articles (check them out here and here) from a woman named Sarah Gibson who owns a sex toy website that lays out some good guidelines for choosing the right sex toy.  Interestingly enough, this section caught my attention:

Size

While it is incredibly important you get her a toy that is the perfect fit… you should try to avoid any embarrassing bra-shopping-type-incidents when you say to the sales assistant “Well she’s about your size.” Thankfully you can use yourself as a guide for how big or little you should go for internal vibrators. However, if you’d like something to use as an add-on to your own penetrative sex, stick with something really little like a bullet or clit vibe like the famous we-vibe. These can be slotted in place in between you both while you carry on as normal.

The biggest thin I’ve found when it comes to getting sex toys for your lady is to know what she prefers.  Some girls like penetration, while others prefer clitoral stimulation.  In my experience, the vast majority of women prefer the clitoral stimulation for various reasons, so when getting a toy for your girl, make sure your focus is on “vibrators” and not “dildos.”  Having the option of inserting the toy is good, but it can be hard to guess as to what kind of size and shape your girl will prefer.  You can always play it safe and get a vibrator for her.

Secondly, if you actually TAKE your girl shopping and let her pick out the toy, not only can you get the exact one she wants, but it can also be a lot of fun and really encouraging for her to open up to you about her preferences sexually.  Some girls might be shy about what gets them off, and taking them sex toy shopping can really bring them out of their shell.  Plus, most sex toy stores have so much crazy stuff in them, it can inspire your girl to want to experiment with new things too!

Travellingwilbury writes:

Do you WANT to be single?

Considered posting this in the Relationships area, but it’s still a newbie question.

Let’s just say I haven’t had a lot of girlfriends. I’m not going to complain about that this time. I’ve been doing a lot of things wrong. At least I now know what they were. I’m feeling good about my ability to attract overall. The point is that I certainly haven’t had girlfriends serially – with small gaps between them, as many seem to.

In these questions I’m not talking about one night stands of fuckbuddies, I’m talking about relationships that last weeks and months…
Some guys have to put up with celibacy / no romance, for months. I don’t think any guys like being single, whereas girls seem to like it, or at least they are good at pretending to like it – freedom etc. A guy’s wife of many years dies, and I’ve seen it: he is seeing or even married to a woman 10 years younger than his late wife within 6 months. Some guys can’t stand a gap. Who here feels like they want very short gap? You might want more gap if the last relationship was emotional. But what does an alpha or a pua do when a relationship ends, assuming it didn’t end because he was already seeing another girl? Do you literally just decide that you need constant access to a woman’s body, any woman’s body and you just go out every night and day until you find one and then you can relax again, even if it takes a month?

Is that what you’re supposed to do? Loads of sudden concentrated effort. Are some of you driven to be single for only a short time. I’ve never done that. But my gaps were expected to be big, so I’ve never got used to being in a relationship, so I don’t notice the absence as much as some. I didn’t have a lot of girlfriends because I just assumed they would sort of turn up or approach me themselves. Some guys just seem to fall into relationships. It’s not just that they APPEAR effortless. I suspect they are REALLY making no effort, but they’re having everyday incidental contact with women in their lives anyway and they’re attractive, easy, handsome, well-groomed, by default and so no CONSCIOUS effort is needed.

I’m tortured by the concept that “It is easy to get a girlfriend!” because it is both true and false. If you really want one, it isn’t. If you don’t, but have a busy social life, it is. Correct? It’s easy or hard (or impossible) depending on your game, your expectations, your desperation and your lifestyle?

How long a gap could you stand? And how do you go about making sure a gap is short, if that is your preference? Approach every girl? Be impatient for a girl without seeming to be?

If I need to make efforts like that, I need more motivation and less nervousness – more exercise, and no salt, caffeine or masturbation.

Well, here’s how I see things…

First of all, this really comes down to a personal choice.  If you WANT to be in a relationship, it won’t take you too long to find one.  Relationships don’t have to be “good” relationships, they just have to be there.  I think every guy, at some point, has gotten into a relationship with a girl he wasn’t necessarily serious about because at the time, there was no one better for him to be with.  Some guys DON’T WANT to be in a relationship after they breakup with a girl, so it takes them longer.  And some guys want to, but they’re looking for a particular type of woman to be in a relationship with.

So depending on what you want, the time-frame from break-up to new girl can vary wildly.

Secondly, there is no such thing as a “no effort” when it comes to getting a girl, unless you’re wildly good looking or famous.  There’s always going to be stuff you HAVE to do if you want a girl to see you again, and commit to you in some type of relationship.  So even though it seems like there are guys out there who “fall into” relationships with no effort, that’s not really the case.  They do, in fact, do things to make that happen, and its probably because they want it to happen.

The worst thing you can do is, if you WANT a relationship, to sit around and do nothing, hoping that it will happen to you.  Waiting around for a girl to initiate something or for fate to step in is a losing proposition.  You need to meet girls, you need to hang out with girls, and you need to attract girls if you want a relationship of some type.

Str8wlkr writes:

"Oh na-na, what's my name?"

I’d like to have people’s opinion on this matter. I post on an automotive forum that has a relationships sections in the Off topic and this discussion erupted into something interesting.

Keep in mind that the thread was originally about “Do you let your girlfriend go to clubs?”

==> Now, a handful of guys don’t allow their girlfriends to go clubbing because they consider that the only reason a girl would go to a club is to hook up with guys, wich they don’t agree with and don’t want to deal with.

==> Other guys advocate freedom and allowing freedom to breed trust.

Here are some quotes from this thread :

“At first I don’t allow it but after some time when she has proved me she is trustworthy, she can go clubbing with her friends.”

“I don’t set limits to her behaviour and she doesn’t set limits to mine. We both know and understand what the significant other considers inappropriate or not so we don’t do it.”

“Boom. If you make every situation into some kind of forbidden fruit, she will eventually bite into it.”

“You shouldn’t control a women. Let her do whatever she wants. If it’s made to be, it’s made to be, and if not, then she’ll cheat on you. Preventing her will only postpone the inevitable.”

“So many members are whipped and don’t know it. Listen bro, Clubs are for what? Dancing and fucking.”

“It’s not that they are whipped, some men are just passive in the relationship. For instance if you take a woman with a really strong character and couple her with a man who has weak character the outcome will be : the man will be whipped. (however it is not his fault because thats how life and mother nature formed him throughout his life). Judging from many posts/replies on this forum, many of these kids would consider me insecure because I don’t let my woman do anything without my consent.I simply believe that there should be only 1 leader and he is the one who gives the final word. The man should be the head of the family/relationship (the woman is not the neck , she does not turn the head). Very few women are good leaders. And if you mutually compromise with each other all the time , somewhere along the line you will get fucked over.”

“The man has got to be the leader and in control, it has always been this way”

“I give freedom to her and she gives freedom to me we both love each other for it. I choose to let her do what she wants, it’s a conscious choice that I make because I expect the fucking same in return. If something is inappropriate, I will put my foot down and make my point loud and clear, but we both understand eachother’s boundaries pretty good so this didn’t happen a lot….I do not consider that I have to ask permission to anyone to do things, so I don’t think my girlfriend should have to do it either. some girls like to be told what to do because they get a feeling of security out of it, but it can’t work smoothly with all of them in my opinion.”

Then it ended up being a discussion about the difference between a leader and a controlling boyfriend.

The last quote is from me, so you know where I’m standing, but I wonder how the Natural Game considers this point.

I firmly believe that a true leader can decide to set someone free and be a leader for it.

I actually found this post really interesting because basically, this all comes down to how healthy one’s relationship with their woman is.  In order to have a healthy relationship, you need two things – trust and intimacy.  And if there is no trust, you can’t truly be intimate with someone.

So in a way, the question here isn’t really if you’re a “leader” or a “controller,” but about how much trust you have built in your relationship.  Because honestly, trying to control another person is always a failing proposition.  It might work for a while, but eventually they’ll resent you for it.

There is an argument to be made that bars or clubs are only good for “dancing and fucking.”  I mean, let’s face it, they are meat markets for the most part.  But they’re also places to go, socialize, and have a good time.  If you’re girl is going out with her friends to a bar or a club, that doesn’t mean she’s going there to cheat on you.  However, by their very nature, your girl WILL be hit on if she’s even halfway decent looking (and depending on the venue, even if she isn’t!).  This means that she’s putting herself in a position where she COULD cheat on you.  I mean, we’ve all heard of girls who went out, got drunk, and slept with some guy, then woke up the next morning and realized they cheated even though they didn’t mean to.

So there IS something to be worried about when you allow your girl to go out without you to party.  But this also comes down to the trust you’ve built in your relationship.  Healthy relationships allow both people a certain amount of freedom.  You can go out with your friends, she can go out with hers, and you both shouldn’t be worried about what the other might do while you’re away.  The minute that stops being the case, the two of you are no longer in a “healthy” relationship because somewhere along the way, trust got broken.

If a guy is insecure in his relationship, that usually means he’s insecure about himself, and he’ll see his girl jumping at any chance she can get to cheat on him.  This will not only drive the guy to do stupid stuff, but it will also eat away at the relationship in the long term.  If you want to build trust in a relationship, you have to be comfortable with yourself, you have to feel you deserve the relationship you’re in, and most of all, you have to know the character of the woman you’re with.

If the girl you’re in a relationship with is a party chick who likes to drink and stuff, you know that she’s more likely to cheat on you when she goes out than a girl who only drinks socially, for instance.  That is why it is important to establish boundaries in a relationship.  Every good relationship has ground rules that are built around the needs of both parties, and enforced by the trust they have for each other.

So if you know your girl *might* cheat on you if she goes out to a club with friends, you can set a ground-rule of “Babe, I don’t mind you going out with your friends, but I don’t want you going to a bar or a club with them unless I can come along.”

That’s not an unreasonable request.  Many of these relationship “ground rules” are established inadvertently to begin with, because often we just kinda fall into routines when we’re with someone.  But if one person or the other continually steps out of these ground-rules, you do have to put your foot down and call them on it.  This is the difference between having a strong hand in your relationship and being a push-over.  Your typical AFC will let the girl he’s with get away with anything she wants, even if she continually crosses the rules they established.  A strong man won’t let that behavior go unchecked.

The best solution?  Try to build trust with your partner, and make your ground-rules clear to each other.  Give them the freedom they deserve within the rules, but if they’re crossed, let them know about it.  I don’t really think you can ever truly “lead” a relationship, but you can police it, and bring your girl back in line if she steps out of bounds.  Just remember to treat her how you want her to treat you, and everything should be fine.

Deelow writes:

So you are in a relationship, doesnt matter what kind of a relationship (could be ltr, mltr, oltr, fb etc.)… What signs that she exhibits (besides denying you sex») would be an indication that she views you as a provider more than a lover?

There are a lot of good explanations in the thread as to the signs these guys think signal a provider relationship.  But the real crux of the issue here is the question “What are the signs that the girl you’re with is just using you and isn’t really into you anymore?”

Let’s face it.  Sometimes girls just stay in a relationship with a guy they’re not really that into because they don’t want to be single.  Or, maybe they get into a “relationship” with a guy because they plan to use him for something – be it social status, money, security, whatever.  And sometimes, girls get into relationships, and then get bored and lose their passion for their partner.  Hey, it happens.  But I think Deelow is asking about the signals that your relationship might be in trouble.

The biggest factor is definitely the denial of sex.  This is probably the biggest signal that something is wrong with your relationship.  I mean, sometimes girls just can’t have sex.  Maybe their on their period and don’t feel like it.  Maybe their sick, or whatever.  But if there’s really not a good reason to not have sex, or the girl keeps coming up with excuses not to, then something is seriously wrong.  If she’s lost sexual interest in you, for whatever reason, then you’re not actually in a “romantic relationship” anymore.  After all, sex is a big part of romantic relationships, and once that disappears, all that’s left is utterly without passion, and that’s no fun for anyone.

Another tactic, and one that girls use to manipulate guys, is the girl your with may start bartering sex with you in exchange for things she wants.  This is a major sign that she doesn’t see your relationship as a “real” relationship.  After all, how can you be in a relationship with someone if you have to earn their affection every time?  Good, healthy relationships have affection present from both parties.  If she’ll only sleep with you if you pay her rent, buy her new clothes, take her on vacation, whatever – that’s a business transaction, not a relationship!  As soon as a woman starts bartering favors for sex, you know that something is wrong.  (NOTE:  This is not the same as a girl with-holding sex if you’ve upset her.  This is straight up “You give me what I want, I’ll give you what you want.”  There are no feelings involved here.)

Another thing to look out for is a lack of affection.  You can tell if a girl is not into you if she doesn’t kiss you, touch you, or let you kiss her or touch her.  A girl’s ability to show affection towards the man she’s in a relationship with is directly proportional to how she feels about him.  A lack of attraction constitutes a lack of affection.  If she doesn’t kiss you back when you kiss her, if she doesn’t want to snuggle up next to you, and most importantly – if you have sex and she doesn’t appear to enjoy it, or doesn’t put forth an effort to participate — you know for sure something is wrong.

There’s also a “lack of communication” factor.  A girl who cares about you, likes you, and wants to be with you will stay in communication with you.  She’ll call, text, email, hang out, go out with you, and all that other good stuff.  But a girl who’s no longer interested will pull back on the communication.  She won’t call you back.  She’ll take her time returning your texts and emails.  She’ll be too busy to hang out or go out with you.  When this happens, something is definitely wrong.  And if she only is responsive if she needs something from you, that’s a sure sign you’re being used as well.  HOWEVER, its important to note that this is meant to be “general behavior,” in the sense that she does this type of thing constantly.  If she goes out with her friends one night and doesn’t return a call or text, that’s not a bad thing.  But if she makes it a habit of never being responsive, or never having time/or interest in hanging out with you, that’s when you should be worried.

Just be on the lookout for these types of signs.  Remember that a good, healthy relationship is one in which both you and her are happy.  It can have its ups and downs, but as long as there is intimacy and trust, it can last.  Keep an eye out for these signs.  If you feel she’s manipulating you, call her out on it.  If you feel she’s losing interest, ask her about it and try to fix things.  It can be done.

Anyway, check out the inane advice:

Logan Levkoff writes:
OK guys, stop all your whining and complaining for a second and listen up: If you want more sex from your wives, you have to grow up and recognize that people change, relationships change, and your sex life doesn’t stay the same.

As a sexologist, relationship expert, and contributor to Good in Bed, the one question I’m constantly asked is: “How can I get my wife to have more sex with me?” Well, I also happen to be a wife and mother of two little ones, so I’m going to give it to you straight. Here’s my advice for not screwing it up and actually getting some tonight:

1. Snuggle, Don’t Grope. You’re in the mood, so you reach out and grab us—our breasts, butt, or genitals, that is. Guys, believe me when I tell you that this is the biggest sin you can commit when trying to seduce a woman. It will not send us into an orgasmic swoon. (And, hey, if it does, you don’t need my advice, right?). Neither will groping us in the kitchen while we’re unloading the dishwasher.

These inept moves don’t get us all hot and bothered — they just upset us. Try hugging or kissing. Hold and squeeze our hand. Unload the dishwasher yourself. Women want to feel connected to our partners—in ways that don’t always involve sex.

As guys, you see something sexy and suddenly you’re in the mood for sex, ready to go. You pick up the mail, there’s a Victoria Secret catalog in the box, and next thing we know you’re sniffing in our direction like a dog expecting a treat. But women don’t work like that. We may see something that’s sexy, and that something may even be you, but we don’t suddenly want to have sex. That’s where men and women differ: You have to actually put us in the mood. You have to make us feel sexy and make us want to be sexual.

Here’s a tip: Did you know that studies show that if you hug for partner for 30 seconds it raises her oxytocin levels? Oxytocin is a hormone that makes us feel loving and connected and helps put us in the mood. So start with a hug.

2. Don’t Treat Us Like Porn Stars. Just because you can pay to watch a chick with fake boobs and a fake tan fawn all over some hairy, grunting guy doesn’t mean you can treat us like some 30-second money shot. Women crave seduction. We crave pleasure. We want sex to be, well, sexy, not like some third-rate porn production. I’m not saying you won’t get those little surprise treats now and then—but you’ve got to work for them. Luckily, the brain is our biggest sex organ, and most women have fantasy lives that leave your porn sites in the dust. You know one of the reasons why women aren’t more into porn? Because almost all of it is created by men and for men, who don’t have a clue about what really turns a woman on. Wanna know what does turn us on? Ask us, engage us. Which brings me to…
Column Archive

3. Do Unto Others. Want hot sex? You have to provide us with the kind of sex we want to have. Simply put, you’ve got to give as good as you get. Do I need to spell it out for you? If you want us to use our mouths, you have to use yours, too! And if you do it first? All the better. Most women orgasm best from clitoral stimulation.

4. Give Us Space. It seems counterintuitive, but letting your partner have some time to herself can help her recharge. Offer to watch the kids for a few hours so she can meet a friend for coffee, take a book to the beach, or relax in a bubble bath. This “time off” lets her wind down so that later she’ll be ready to heat up. And by the way, watching your kids isn’t “babysitting”. They’re your children—play with them like you mean it. Be a dad, not a bachelor. Remember, a lot of us find nothing sexier than a dad who’s into his kids.

5. Talk—and Listen. I know, I know: Many of you would probably rather clean that toilet than be forced to “communicate.” But I’m not asking for an hours-long heart-to-heart here. Spending 20 minutes connecting with your partner and listening to her talk can help her feel appreciated. Avoid stressful topics like your kids, work, and home and stick to larger issues like current events and the world around you. Respond with full sentences, not grunts. If you can remember and repeat something she said 12 hours later, she’ll be impressed—and you’ll be one step closer to sex.

Okay, where to start with this…

First of all, I guess the woman who wrote this is a PhD in something, which might make you think she knows what she’s talking about.  But honestly, none of this advice helps men get more sex with their wives or girlfriends.  This advice is more along the lines of “how to not bother your partner while you are forced to masturbate alone in the bathroom.”  Now, I’m not saying this advice is bad, necessarily.  If you want a good relationship with a woman, this type of advice is actually pretty healthy.  Treating your girl with respect and understanding, as well as giving her some space, can keep a relationship happy.

But more sex?  C’mon…

If you’re married to a woman who isn’t giving you as much sex as you want, this is NOT the way to go about getting it in my opinion.  I mean, having a partner who’s happy in the relationship certainly doesn’t hurt, but a lot of women don’t understand how important a good sex life is to keeping a GUY happy in a relationship.

Essentially, I’m of the believe that you need to TRAIN your woman to meet your sexual needs.  That doesn’t mean I advocate treating them like a dog you are putting through obedience school, but you have to make it clear to them what you want, and how often you want it.  You need to let your wife or girlfriend know how to make you happy, and you have to encourage them to want to do that.

Basically, if you want more sex, you have to game your wife.  You have to flirt with her, let her know she’s sexy, that she turns you on.  You need to whisper what you want to do to her.  Make her feel amazing and sexy and desirable.  Get her to start feeling like she did when you two first fell in love.  All the advice from the PhD above is fine to follow, but if sex is what you’re after, you need to know how to seduce your woman.  How to turn her on and get her ready to screw your brains out.

And having “porn star” type sex is NOT out of the boundaries of any relationship, if you set it up correctly.  Most women want to please their partners, and if you want to experiment or try something new, you can usually get your partner to consent by talking about it and letting them know you want to try it.  I think the thing to be aware of is not to force something your partner is uncomfortable with upon them, because then it stops being fun and exciting and becomes something they will resent you for.

A good example of this is threesomes.  I’ve known lots of guys who wanted to introduce a “threesome” dynamic into their relationships, only to have it end the relationship they were in.  Anything that destroys intimacy with your partner and makes them feel like they aren’t enough for you is a bad idea.  But trying a new sex act or experimenting in what pleases you both is fine, if approached properly.  If a woman is resistant to what you want to do, try and find out WHY she is resistant to it, and see if you can address her objections.  But never, ever, FORCE it.  Unless she’s 100% on board, it might actually damage your relationship.

One part of the article that is right on is that YOU, as a man, must know how to sexually satisfy your woman.  If you are a good lover, that will make your partner want to be a good lover and reciprocate.  So don’t let all the pleasure be focused on you!  Make sure she’s getting something out of it first!  Also, a woman is able to orgasm is more open to having sex more often, so knowing how to pleasure your wife or girlfriend is essential to getting more nookie.  If you have no idea how to do this, ask your partner and tell them you want to “figure them out.”  Some women get self-conscious about what makes them reach the big “O”, but if you genuinely want to figure it out, then they will probably be willing to let you.