Aum writes:
when i go to a club. I always get intimidated by the other guys in the club who are lot taller, well built and dress a lot better than me. When i see girls, i get this feeling of inadequacy. I really hate myself because of this. I am working out really hard every day and trying to dress better but never feel good enof. Any advice on chaning my perspective on this? please help!!! this is kiiling me.

I feel ya bro.  Speaking as an overweight, bald, ugly slob myself, I know all too well what it feels like to walk into a club and see all these other guys who are way better looking than you are.  Heck, even my friends who I go out with tend to be better looking than me!  lol.

But here’s the thing…

First off, you gotta realize that this is NOT a competition.  You look how you look, and other guys look how they look, so you need to stop comparing yourself to other dudes right away.  There’s always going to be someone out there better looking, taller, funnier, smarter, richer, etc. than you are.  So you can’t worry about them.  If you feel the need to compete with those guys, you will ALWAYS lose, because you will always find people who have something you don’t.

The next thing you have to realize is that looks aren’t as important as most guys make them out to be.  We tend to think that because we judge girls based on their looks, they judge us based on ours.  And while that may be true for some women, the vast majority can see beyond your looks because women are affected more by their emotions than anything else.  So if you have the ability and knowledge to make a woman feel the emotions you want her to feel, then you are on equal footing with the guys you think are more physically attractive than you.

Understand that PERSONALITY is the great equalizer in attraction.  You can be an ugly guy, but if you’re funny and interesting, you can be more attractive to a girl than a male model is.  Some women won’t go for physically unattractive guys, but some women will, because each woman has her own model of what she finds attractive and sexy.  You just need to find the women that feel YOU fit their model and do your thing to get them.  Don’t worry about the girls who want a guy who’s taller or better built than you are, because there are a billion other girls who will respond to what you have to offer.

The ability to build comfort, trust, and rapport, and then lead that into attraction is the most essential skill of any pick-up artist.  With that model, you can get women who maybe aren’t interested in you at first, to BECOME interested in you eventually.  This is important to understand, because attraction has nothing to do with logic or any of your pre-concieved notions of what women think are attractive.

Just know this – your self esteem is the greatest indicator of how successful you will be with attracting girls to you.  The greater your self esteem, the more women you will attract.  Guard it jealously!  If you constantly put yourself down because you feel other guys are more attractive than you are, guess what?  You’re not going to get ANY success with girls because you’ll be too busy sabotaging yourself.  If you really want to get past this, you need to stop all judgement, and focus on the qualities about yourself that are POSITIVE and ATTRACTIVE, and stop worrying about how you compare to other people.

If you really want to learn more about this, check out my course Pure Personality.  It’s all about how to get past your looks and build attraction based on who you are as opposed to what you look like.

Ali123 writes:
Ok I’ve been doing this online gaming for a year or two but only inthe last 2-3 months has my game really improved and in fact I seem to be on a bit of a roll.

Do you guys think its a bad idea if a girl invites you over to her place for the first time you meet. In the last month been to 5 girls places as a first date/meet, I’ve slept with 3 of them. The other two didnt work out and didnt want to do anything. Of those two one ignored me and the other said she didnt want to see me again as she didnt fancy me. In fairness 3/5 isnt too bad.

But do you think its a bad environment to meet a girl? Are you more likely to fuck her if you meet her in a bar close to her place and get her to go back to hers? When you meet at their place its tough because you have to make chit chat etc and then make a move and no alcohol to help you!

Finally I was chatting to an HB7/8 on POF chat messenger, and shes told me to come to her place when I finish work on Sunday at 3am!!! Shes said her flatmates away, and I joked she’d be asleep, she had work the next day, and only if she can make a good cup of tea. But she continued to insist. Shes a hot girl and I dunno if I should meet her when I wont be looking my best. Surely its better to go for a drink and get a little tipsy?

Thoughts guys?

Contrary to popular belief, you DO NOT need to get a girl slightly drunk/tipsy before you make your move, my dear Ali123.  So I wouldn’t even worry about that.

Here’s the thing…

I think a girl who allows a guy she just met to come over to her place is a definite sign that she’s open to hooking up, as your 3 out of 5 ratio should tell you.  The way I like to work things, is I’ll invite a girl to my place when we have plans to go out, let her in, allow her a bit of time to become comfortable with my surroundings, then we go out to dinner or whatever.  So by the time the night is winding down, if I ask her to come back to my place, it won’t be that intimidating for her.

If a girl invites you to HER place, she already feels comfortable with the environment, so its much easier to hook up with her there.  At that point, the only thing you have to work on is comfort/rapport building and attraction, since the logistics are already in your favor.  And let’s face it, if a girl you’ve just met is allowing you into her place on a first date, she’s open to sleeping with you.  So no, I personally don’t think going to a girl’s place for a first date is a bad thing.

Now, if she doesn’t want to LEAVE her place and go out, that does seem a bit odd, since that isn’t really a “date” date.  When you go over to her place, you can ask her if she’d like to go grab a drink or a bite to eat somewhere close by, and then go back to her place afterward, but if she just wants to stay in, then maybe she is just looking for sex.  You have to treat each situation as it comes up, since some girls might just be boring sticks-in-the-mud and others might be looking for some hanky-panky.

But if given the opportunity, I will always accept an invitation to go to the girl’s place.  Yes, you can’t always control the environment – roommates, poor living conditions, etc. – but sometimes it can be better logistically.