DrWho over at mASF has a problem keeping conversations going with women.

DrWho writes:

Hi everyone,

for quite some time my largest problems is to be keeping conversations going and interesting. I could improve things a little by memorizing canned material and regularly surfing the internet for cool, fun stuff to talk about. I know about the typical topics girls like to talk about (psychology, esoterica, relationships, celebrities, emotionally stimulating stuff, etc.) and try to specifically look for the right stuff. I am able to show the right emotional state to make girls talkative (relaxed, playfully funny, energetic). Still most of the time a don’t have a fucking idea what to say – and the chick also not.

When I open a chick or get opened by one (yes, it happens to me every half a year or so), after a few sentences the conversation stalls because nothing comes to my mind. If I hang out with a girl quickly we start talking about the weather or just walk along in silence.

Previously I believed it is mostly a mind blank due to panic, but watching it for some time I notice I also don’t know what to say to people when I’m relaxed and nothing is at stake. I guess I’m not very creative and I think creativity is something very hard to learn. So I’m stuck.

I’m wondering if there is some more systematic way to find conversation topics than ‘just say what comes to your mind first’. I like ideas like the routine to watch the people around you looking for something to talk about to your target (still this one doesn’t work well most of the time because I rarely find interesting things to mention). Someone knows of a structured method of coming up with a conversation topic or a good book on the topic?

I hope I don’t get shot down because I emphasize that I want something systematic. I think this is reasonable because being creative in a structured way is much easier than doing it completely free. If someone is interested the article below should bring this point across.

I can definitely sympathize with DrWho here. Having a hard time carrying on conversations is a pretty common problem and I used to suffer from the same thing. After all, conversation is WORK.  It requires mental engagement and interest in what you’re talking about.

In my course Pure Personality, I teach a method that I call “conversational ninjitsu” that allows you to carry on conversations effortlessly by following a few easy steps. Once you get the hang of it, it can be quite effective.

But barring buying a full course or memorizing a bunch of canned material, the method I’ve found most effective in talking and carrying on conversation is a very simple “fish and hook” method.

Basically, you can think of it like “Question and Answer time.”

Just ask someone questions until you find something you can relate to, and then share a story of your own that relates to the answer.

So for example, you could have an exchange like:

You: “Where are you from?”
Them: “Chicago.”
You: “Really? I’ve always wanted to go to Chicago and visit the Sears Tower. Have you ever been there?”
Them: “Oh yeah, it’s great!”
You: “Cool. If you could visit any location on Earth, where would you want to go?”

etc., etc.

It’s not rocket science, but it is effective.