Last week, I turned the tables and asked you for advice on what the next Dos & Don’ts topic should be. Well, the masses have spoken, and though there was a fair amount of interest in every option presented, with five out of the six topics ranging around 15 percent in the poll, the clear winner is Craigslist personals with about 24 percent of the votes. Far be it from me to let you down.

Of the multitude of online dating sites available today, Craigslist is perhaps the most casual. And I’m not referring to the casual encounters section here–indeed, I won’t be touching that one with a 10-foot pole. Rather, personals posted in Craigslist are ads with an expiry date, rather than the in-depth profiles found on sites such as Match.com and OkCupid. As such, finding a date or mate through this particular site requires a bit of a different tack. The tips below should help you navigate the choppy sea that is Craigslist dating.

First, the obvious: DON’T ever invite a complete stranger directly to your home or other private location, such as a hotel room. This applies for any online dating, really, and I hope that it’s common sense. The community aspect of Craigslist–and an innate trust for your fellow human–is all well and good, but as this in-depth Maxim article so astutely points out, not everyone is a decent person. So always arrange an initial meeting in a public spot with plenty of other people present, such as a cafe.

That bit of unpleasantness out of the way, it’s time to decide what kind of Craiglist user you are: a poster or a peruser? If the former, DO make sure you post your ad in the proper area of the personals section. There are the usual suspects, such as women seeking men (W4M), women seeking women (W4W), and men seeking women (M4W), and then the more niche areas like casual encounters, missed connections, and miscellaneous romance, which covers all manners of alternative relationships. Nothing will get your ad flagged for removal faster than posting in the wrong category.

Not the actual layout, but you get the idea.

When it comes time to actually write your ad, DO put some thought behind it. If you’re lacking inspiration, check out some other ads on the site and see what appeals to or even entertains you. You might even come across something like this ad (warning: adult language) which offers some rather handy tips whether you’re a W4W or otherwise. Similarly, this blog has some useful advice for the M4W set. DON’T write in all caps is a priceless gem from both posts.

As for the nitty-gritty of your ad, I turned to a Craigslist study to back up some of my own opinions. Namely, DON’T be overly boastful and try not to sound bitter about dating. Also, DO include a catchy and descriptive headline and keep the content of your ad short and sweet, three paragraphs or less should be sufficient.

Further, rather than focusing on an exhaustive list of the features and traits your ideal mate should posses, DO provide an insightful overview of yourself and your interests. (That’s not to say you shouldn’t mention what you’re looking for, but avoid a “laundry list” of must-haves.) Finally, DON’T be rude, bigoted, or inflammatory–it’s not attractive, and even if you’re being sarcastic in an attempt to be funny, it could be read the wrong way and get your ad flagged for removal.

Now for all you voyeurs out there: DON’T fall for spambots or typical Craigslist personality prototypes (warning: adult language)–unless of course you’re into that sort of thing. Also, DO peruse missed connections–there’s no telling when there might be a post aimed at you or even someone you know. This section is also probably the most nonthreatening place to dip your toes into posting your own ad, and you may be pleasantly surprised at the results (take it from someone who once posted a successful missed connections ad).

Have a Craigslist personals success–or horror–story of your own? Please share it below! And as always, I welcome tips from others in the comment section as well.

Honestly, I’ve found the only way to get any play off Craig’s List is to post your own – EXTREMELY interesting – ad on there regularly.  There are a lot of hot girls on Craig’s List, and if you can create an ad that makes them laugh and comes off as “non-creepy” they will contact you.

Many new guys fall into this trap yet many find there way out again and begin going out in the field as I did.  There seems to actually be a natural correlation.  Those who stay in the community for 3 months will keep it going and those who stay for 5 months usually have begun really learning from the field.  This post isn’t for the new guys though, (sorry I’ll make one for you guys later on), this post is for those intermediate guys.  The guy’s who have taken the game seriously and have gone out again and again into the field and still have yet to begin seeing the results that they’ve been waiting for.  This post is for every guy who has asked the following question…

“What do I need to do to make that change and get myself to the next level?”

The answer? Become Your Own Guru

Have you been in this game for over a year and a half and still not getting the results? Be your own guru.

Do you go out practically every night yet still see only mediocre improvement, if any, when looking back over the months or years? Be your own guru.

Are all your PUA friends progressing while you feel perpetually stuck on a plateau? That’s right, be your own guru.

See I began noticing a few months back that every time I went out with my community wings that a familiar pattern began to happen.  Before every sarge we’d discuss what Guru X thinks and why some particular way is better because Guru Y said so.  Then during the sarge I’d notice that every community guy had a tendency to talk about game instead of actually doing it.  I did this myself for a while but finally broke out of that mindset, even so many wings would try and talk about it regardless.  Finally at the end of the night we’d have a debrief where I’d be told how something I did was wrong because of  something Guru Z said and then we’d debate who made the most sense out of Guru’s A, B, and C.

Everything I did in field was the result of something some OTHER GUY thought was right and taught it to be done.  It was maddening to see all the different styles and methods out there, and try and figure out which guy I should listen to.  Hoping that the next product from Guru X would finally be the missing piece I’ve always needed.  It got to the point where I felt almost everything I learned about pick up could be debated because of the different beliefs and ideas of Gurus.  Now that I look back it was a new form of “Paralysis of Analysis” all over again but not quite, it wasn’t exactly guru worship either.  It was something I’ll call “Guru Overload”.

PUA’s with Guru Overload can be going into the field nonstop, the problem however is that they keep trying to juggle all these different ideas out there and use stuff from other people without ever trying to figure things out for themselves.  Instead of using the community as a reference point to make sense of their own findings they never try and make any of their own findings at all and just keep practicing the next shiny idea in the community.  Should we be trying to DHV or is the answer simply to bring the Nimbus?!

I finally had my click one day and decided that from now on I would determine what’s best in field, not any other guru, unless it made sense for what I personally have been finding.  When I did this my game improved dramatically.  My wings would say “Why are you doing that? Guru X says you should do this instead.” My reply to this every time was “Ah, but I say I should be doing that.”  The thing is most of you already know the answers, or can work it out yourselves, but there’s the fear of “I’m not good enough and need to keep seeing what others think I should do.”

For those intermediate guys.  You know the theory, you understand how this works, and anything you don’t know you understand how to figure it out and learn from yourself.  Here it is finally plain as day, do exactly that.  Be your own guru already.  Socially experiment and stop doing what you think you SHOULD do or is NEEDED and instead begin doing what YOU feel is right and make your own assumptions on things.  This doesn’t mean forget about ideas and material out there that can help though, instead learn to appreciate it on a much more meaningful level.  Instead of it being something for you to shape yourself to, it can now become something that you may or may not incorporate into your own individual style.

I’m not going to tell you what needs to be done, or the next best thing for your game, or even a new method that you have to learn…how about you tell me instead?

Hope this helps guys,

-Jarett aka Psych

Okay all you AFCs,

Here is a copy of my most recent article from Cliff’s List on Social Circles. Aside from the gay title, I think its pretty good. I’m still looking for my article on walk-ups. When I find that, I’ll post it.

Ho!

Thundercat

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The Social Circle Of Life
How to Create the Best Possible Environment for Getting Laid
An Essay by Tundercat

I’ll be the first to admit it. I’m a nerd. I like to watch TV, go to movies, read books, play on my computer, and even partake in the occasional MMORPG. But when I’m not waxing philosophical about who could kick who’s ass — Kirk or Han Solo — I’m out trying to pick up chicks.

The thing is, what I do is cold approaches. Cold Approaches are basically approaches where you approach a woman you do not know in the hopes of attracting her so you can lay her. Without a doubt, this is probably the hardest form of Pick-Up there is. Why? Well, for one thing, the Fear Factor on cold approaches is the highest. They don’t know you, you don’t know them, and the risk of getting rejected is high. This is one of the reasons many people cannot do cold approaches. It is just much too scary.

But the reason I do them is because I currently have no better option available to me. If I don’t cold approach a girl, I won’t meet any. But a funny thing happens if you cold approach enough girls. You become friends with them!

As strange as it sounds, it is true. Though the average Pick-Up Artist (PUA) is not looking to make friends with the girls he approaches, odds are if they like you enough to fuck you, you will become friends. And even if they don’t want to fuck you, the least they are willing to become is a friend because they enjoy your company enough.

This is a funny little side effect to approaching, and because of it, my eyes were opened to something. It’s a dirty little secret, yet one that is so obvious I am surprised that I did not see it before. Are you ready? Okay, here it is:

Most people get laid from their social circles.

This is a fact, my friends. Sure, cold approaching can lead to the occasional one night stand (ONS), or even a same day lay that blossoms into a relationship. But very rarely does this happen. In fact, it happens so rarely, that I really rate my approach success based on the quality of numbers I get. I say quality because anyone can get a number, but a number from a girl who actually gives you her REAL number and will actually RETURN your phone call is so much more important than the quantity of numbers one receives.

But of all the guys I hang around with who get laid, the ones who do so with the most frequency are those with large social circles that include women in them. For instance, I have a friend who is going to college. He belongs to a number of groups: Martial Arts, Role Playing, Historical Reenactment, etc. And he gets laid. He gets laid a LOT. Probably more than most PUAs, and DEFINITELY more than me. The funny thing is, this guy DOES NOT APPROACH! In fact, he’s just as scared at approaching women as 90% of the guys reading mASF (moderate Alt Seduction Fast) are.

When I noticed this, I took a good look at the guys I know who are getting laid frequently, and sure enough, there was the proof. They were all getting laid from either girls they already knew, or met through friends, family, or some type of hobby.

This is an incredible revelation for me because social circles have always been the primary dipping source for men I knew were getting laid. Back in my AFC (Average Frustrated Chump) days, I’d only hang out with my guy friends, who weren’t getting laid either. I’d do solitary activities, play on the computer, and take part in social activities that were typically heavily attended by males. In short, my social circle did not include women, and because of that, I did not get laid.

As my awareness of women grows, along with my seduction skills, I am beginning to realize that being a PUA is not just about getting laid, but cultivating a social circle conducive to interacting with women ON A DAILY BASIS.

Most of the men I have met who are not getting laid or who are struggling to get laid are the ones whose social circles are almost completely empty of women, and the women who do encompass their social circles do not interact with them regularly.

A scary truth about guys not getting laid is that they are not comfortable talking to women. Sometimes, I STILL do not feel comfortable talking to women. And this can show in your sarging (interacting with women with the intent of laying them). I am willing to bet that most guys who cannot talk to or approach women do not have many female friends in their social circles. And if they do, the girls are friends they would like to fuck. They do not know what it is like to truly be friends with a girl they do not want to sex up, and because of that, there is always a feeling of comfortableness just below the surface of their interaction with girls, which the girls can pick up on and which completely throws off the guy’s state.

So the trick is to expand your social circle so it becomes something that is conducive to getting you laid.

The fact is, a female friend is the most powerful tool you have in your seduction arsenal, especially if she is attractive. Approaching other women with another woman who can social proof you and talk you up is probably the single most invaluable trick there is to approaching. When you have a female with you who is actively working to HELP you get laid, chances are it will happen, and more quickly than if you were acting on your own. Not only that, but the girl will also have friends that she will try to hook you up with if you demonstrate youв’re cool enough to be her friend. Through these girls, you will find your comfort around women increase, along with you success rate.

So how do you do this? Well, the first step is to befriend a girl. How is this done? Well, most AFCs (Average Frustrated Chumps) have had a lot of experience with the “Let’s Just Be Friends” area of life. But this is not the same thing. The fact is, with the “Let’s Just Be Friends” stigma, you are not really the girl’s friend because you still want to fuck her and she knows it.

The best way I know how to expand your social circle is to befriend other GUYS who are good with women. Not the type of guys who use women and throw them away, but the type of guys who are fun and always surrounded by girls. You befriend this guy, and he will introduce you to the girls who surround them. You can meet these guys anywhere, and it’s much easier to approach and make friends with men because there is no sexual tension there. You guys can connect on basic male subjects such as sports, women, business, etc. If nothing else, you may make a new valuable male friend out of the deal.

You can meet these guys anywhere you go, be it a club, bar, museum, concert, etc. It doesn’t matter. You will meet them doing stuff you like to do. Most guys will go for the girls right away, but if you befriend the guy who is IN with the girls, he will help you to get them.

Once in with the guys, its time to move onto the girls. Have him introduce you. Tell the girls how good of a friend he is. Show them that you’re a cool guy. Become their friends. The cooler the guy you befriend, the hotter the women he knows. The hotter the women he knows, the better quality of women they will introduce you to.

The next step will take a bit of willpower on your part, but you want to actually BEFRIEND the girl with the knowledge that you are not going to sleep with her. No matter how hot she is, you must take her out of the “I wanna FUCK!” category. This is crucial because if you go after her for the full monty (fuck), you could screw up the friendship.

But once she’s your friend, you can practice on her. Talk to her, call her up and bullshit, go out with her, let her feel safe and comfortable around you. Once she’s your buddy, get her to introduce you to her friends. Those are the ones you game on. This is because you’ll be at an advantage with them. Not only will you have a girl who is their friend hyping you up, but you’ll also be social proofed by the guy you befriended, who has also probably met the girl you’re being introduced to. Right there is instant social proof that you’re cool enough to hang with them. Then its time to game the girl, which should be easier than cold approaching because the meeting is inherent.

But when it comes to cold approaching, the women you befriend become even more powerful. This is where the real fun can happen. You can use your female friends to approach other groups of people. You can introduce her to the men while she does the same for you with the women. Not only that, its natural social proof when you’re with a girl, and you feel more comfortable talking to women, which makes you more attractive.

In fact, this is so powerful that I know PUAs who’s entire game is based on Social Circles. A woman you use to help you get laid is often referred to as a “Pivot” or a “Pawn.” They are used as pieces on a chessboard to break down defenses and open doorways to score checkmate.   One guy I know is SO effective with the girls in his social circle, that if there is a guy trying to get with a female friend of his, he will actually get the guy to pull him other chicks before he social proofs the guy with his friend. This is another great tactic, especially if you’re lazy about approaching. In this situation, not only are his pivots pulling other girls for him, but the guys after his pivots are as well. And in the end, all you’re getting is a bigger social circle which will make it easier to get laid.

It is very easy to befriend women, because when you make it clear you do not want to have sex with them, they can feel safe with you and allow you to “mess up” around them in practicing your PUA skills. Not only that, but being around women will teach you SO MUCH about pick-up, your game will rapidly increase.

In his book Real World Seduction, Swinggcat says “If you want to get good at picking-up women, surround yourself by five beautiful women who are good at getting guys.” This is important, because all the best PUAs just act like really hot chicks. They steal the chick frame that gets guys all into them and turn it around on the girls. The more you hang out with women, the more you will begin to incorporate this mindset into your seduction repertoire.

So friends, I recommend you go out there and start getting to know more girls in a non-sexual way. They will help you a great deal in adding some notches to your belt. I hope to expand my social circle massively in the coming future, so that I may also reap the benefits of having many lady friends.

Thundercat

Okay, so I’ve been around a while and have a backlog of shit I can post here for your viewing pleasure. Some of it is old, but whatever, if it helps someone, it will be my pleasure to put it up. I sometimes write articles for Cliff’s List, which is the best newsletter there is on seduction. If you aren’t a subscriber, you’re missing out. You can sign up for it by sending an email here: cliff@be-relentless.com. Anyway, I’ll post any articles I write for Cliff here, along with any interesting advice I give to people in any of the mailing lists I’m on. Oh, a few field reports will be thrown in for good measure as well. =)

I’ll try and update this blog as often as I can. If any of you wanna help out by replying to my articles or anything, feel free. If you want to even send me field reports or articles, and I think they’re worth two pesos, I’ll even post them. Check back for more cool shit from the wide-world of “PUA!”

Ho!

Thundercat