Internet Dating Horror Stories

Okay, I think we all have had some bad experiences with internet dating.  Most of them have to do with the people looking NOTHING like they do in their pictures.  Well, this poor guy definitely has one of the worst internet dating horror stories I've ever seen...

Due to a recent change in my work schedule I have recently jumped into the internet dating pool. This was not exactly a choice, but my schedule (nights) does not allow me to meet women on a normal level. I had no problem getting tail before, but it seemed like fun.

I started by checking out an internet dating site, at the time I was not really interested in all. I had no interest in signing up until I saw HER picture. This woman was beautiful, Face, tits, ass, the whole nine. I signed up and paid just to get the chance to talk to her. I knew that if I could get her on the phone I would be in. I wrote her a quick (but charming) email and went on looking for more chicks.

A few weeks went by and I had hear nothing. I ended up going out with a couple other chicks from the site. They were ok but they weren't anything special. I had decided that because dream girl was not getting back to me I would cancel my membership to the site. So I check my email (there was a reminder that I must renew my membership, I could cancel through a link) and there it was. Dream girl had wrote me back. We exchanged a few emails and eventually we started talking on the phone.

The phone conversations were great. We had a lot in common, she laughed at everything I said that was even remotely funny. After about 5 days of chit chat we decided to meet. We planned to meet on a Monday, she was out of college for Thanksgiving break and I had a day off from work. She said she would call me when she woke and we would finish off the finer details of our plans. My plans were to take her out to a nice lunch, get her buzzed and then bang the shit out of her. Like any gentleman would do.

Monday comes and I wake up early. I spend an hour cleaning my apartment, I get my hair cut I even went out and bought a new shirt for the occasion. I was ready. But at noon there was no phone call. 12:30pm no call. 1pm no call. Finally at 1:30 I bite the bullet and call. I was getting annoyed and thought I was being stood up. I call, she answers. Turns out she was at the gym and running late. No big deal, thinking that I have dream girl coming over I tell her to come over my house(freshly cleaned, cute dog, nice place, shows I have money). She says o.k. I am ready to go.

About 2:15 calls me from her cell phone.  I answer. 

Jay:"Hello."

Girl: "Hey:

Jay: "Where are you?"

Girl: "I'm in your driveway."

I look and see a car in the driveway, still running.  However I can't see anyone inside.

Jay: "Why don't you come to the door?"

Girl: "No, you come outside."

I walk outside my front door and she gets out of the car. The car's weight shifts as she stands up. The girl was disgusting. I mean gross. It was indeed the same girl, but she looked like she had swallowed another girl about her size. She was wearing a tight shirt with two humongus boobs hanging out but her stomach was even bigger. It looked as if she was pregnant, accept her belly was loose and flabby. She had NO neck. Her hair was cut into a butch dyke kinda way. But, it was the same person from the picture. (I later found out that the picture was 3 years old)

Let me just say that I have seen some messed up shit in my life. I have seen a person get hit by a train. I have seen people shot. I myself have been stabbed on 2 occasions. But what happened to me next was a sickening feeling I had never experienced in my entire life.

I immediatley went into some sort of shock. My knees were weak, my fingers started to tingle, my heart raced, and it felt like all the blood was rushing from my head. I have never felt this feeling before. I almost fainted. I smoked a ciggarette and tried to pull my shit together.

She noticed my pain and asked me if I was ok. I said I was fine. Then she asked "So, you wanna go to lunch? I'm starving" I though to myself "I am fucked, fucked, fucked, fucked." Luckily I can think on my feet. Breaking the date completley is out of the question, I need to be at least slightly nice about this. I thought to myself "Where could we go that I would have no chance of seeing someone I know (especially an ex.) whatsoever?" Then it hit me, I blurted out "The Mall?"

"What?" she said

"I NEED TO GO TO THE MALL" I said, not sure if I was really standing there or if this was a fucked up dream.

"What do you need to go to the mall for?" she mooed

"Uhhhh......POSTERS!, I need Posters!"  I thought to myself how smooth I was as I blurted it out

"Uhh, OK, you drivin'?"  said the Yak

(FUCK!, someone seeing her in my car with me is just as bad as being seen out with her)
"Uhhh, no.  I don't have room for posters in my truck, I have tools in it (I don't even own a hammer).  Would you mind?"

"O.K."

Whew.  Not pretty.  If you'd like to read the climactic outcome, you can do so here.  It's a really funny read.  In respect for this poor author, I'd like anyone who had a terrible internet experience to post it to this thread.